(no subject)
I really don't want to go to college. And it's stupid but i just don't want to have to leave everything and everyone because i don't honestly believe that i'll keep in touch and i wonder if i'll even care about anybody in a few months. maybe that sounds harsh and i'm not saying i won't it's just that i can't promise to put that much into it because i don't know what i'll feel. But it's 4 years later and sometimes i don't know what i really have to show for it. And I know it was really vain of me but for some reason i always thought i was special or different than everyone else and that for one reason or another i deserved something real or special. But i keep realizing either that i'm not or that even if i were it wouldn't matter. And i'm becoming crabby now. I suddenly hate everyone else's music and if i ever get what i thought i wanted it's never good enough. And i can't stand being in school. I'm like an old man. But somehow i don't want to leave. It's because i could never let go of anything. And now this livejournal has become everything i always hated about live journal which is just someone complaining about things that nobody else really cares aboutm usually being overly stupid and poetic about it. That's ok i guess i can let myself be annoying sometimes. It's weird i think i just want to mean something but i don't know how. ok ok whatever.