Every Moment I'm Filled With Hope Cause I Get Another Chance...
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I'm not sure if this entry will even be here by the morning but for some reason I am actually feeling alright and the weird thing is it took an shlee Simpson to make it click. Although none of it would be possible without Logan, I appreciate what you had to say more than you know and I'm not even joking when i say that.
For some reason i finally seem to have some clear thoughts about my whole situation, and after these last 3 days which I can't even begin to describe, it feels really good.
I think a big part of me is embaressed/guilty/pissed/frustrated that I let things get like this but I just thought about it and we ALL make mistakes.
As much as I'd like to think he was the one for me I know in the back of my mind that's what he was, a horrible mistake.
I won't say I don't have feeling for him or that I don't care about where he ends up but there's nothing I can do for him now. He has done nothing for me as much as I'd like to think he has, and as much as I don't want to I do hate him in a way for what he's done to me.
The feeling I have is still impossible to describe, I do feel everything that i've said I've felt the last few days but on top of all of that I know it's okay that I feel that way. We all go through phases in our lives and this was just a year of fuck ups, but what can I do about it?
I'm not sure that I plan on cutting him off completly, I'm pretty much leaving that up to him. I wrote a letter last night which was a horrible mistake and sent it to him along with my phone number and told him some of what was on my mind. It's going to hurt really bad if he doesn't call, but at the same time nothing can come of it if he does. If he wants me there for "support" then I will have to decide where to go from there, I really doubt that's going to happen. I'm not sure what will happen in the next few days, but for once I finally feel like I can accept the past, know that it did hurt me but there's nothing i can do about it.
While writting this I went from having Ashlee Simpson in my head to Papa Roach, and I thank god for music because it's done alot for me, for the better and worse.
I hope that made some sort of sense, I just felt the need to write this and if I wake up tommorow crying over this whole thing, maybe reading this will help me get through it.
I can't help you fix yourself, but at least I can say I tried...
I'm sorry but i gotta move on with my own life.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
Edit:
Yeah I deleted this in the morning but decided to repost it... Guess I don't feel this way afterall?
I'm not sure if this entry will even be here by the morning but for some reason I am actually feeling alright and the weird thing is it took an shlee Simpson to make it click. Although none of it would be possible without Logan, I appreciate what you had to say more than you know and I'm not even joking when i say that.
For some reason i finally seem to have some clear thoughts about my whole situation, and after these last 3 days which I can't even begin to describe, it feels really good.
I think a big part of me is embaressed/guilty/pissed/frustrated that I let things get like this but I just thought about it and we ALL make mistakes.
As much as I'd like to think he was the one for me I know in the back of my mind that's what he was, a horrible mistake.
I won't say I don't have feeling for him or that I don't care about where he ends up but there's nothing I can do for him now. He has done nothing for me as much as I'd like to think he has, and as much as I don't want to I do hate him in a way for what he's done to me.
The feeling I have is still impossible to describe, I do feel everything that i've said I've felt the last few days but on top of all of that I know it's okay that I feel that way. We all go through phases in our lives and this was just a year of fuck ups, but what can I do about it?
I'm not sure that I plan on cutting him off completly, I'm pretty much leaving that up to him. I wrote a letter last night which was a horrible mistake and sent it to him along with my phone number and told him some of what was on my mind. It's going to hurt really bad if he doesn't call, but at the same time nothing can come of it if he does. If he wants me there for "support" then I will have to decide where to go from there, I really doubt that's going to happen. I'm not sure what will happen in the next few days, but for once I finally feel like I can accept the past, know that it did hurt me but there's nothing i can do about it.
While writting this I went from having Ashlee Simpson in my head to Papa Roach, and I thank god for music because it's done alot for me, for the better and worse.
I hope that made some sort of sense, I just felt the need to write this and if I wake up tommorow crying over this whole thing, maybe reading this will help me get through it.
I can't help you fix yourself, but at least I can say I tried...
I'm sorry but i gotta move on with my own life.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
Edit:
Yeah I deleted this in the morning but decided to repost it... Guess I don't feel this way afterall?