Do you ever want to runaway???
I haven't updated in a while and I'm not sure why but this is going to be long and random but comments would be appreciated.
As of late I've just been in a complete whole.
I've lost any interest in school I had, I seriously can't even get myself to go. I'm so fucked right now and I keep thinking I need to get myself out of this whole before it's to late and now I seriously don't know what to do.
My job sucks, I had a feeling quitting the theater would turn out to be a bad thing and since then everything has just fucked up.
It seems like everyone in my life right now has let me down in some way. I don't mean to sound spoiled or anything like that but that's just how I feel. I went from having something like 20 friends to 2 who at this moment I don't even consider friends all in the matter of two weeks. In a way I find it a good thing, I'm tired of being fake and tired of dealing with people's bull shit. The one person who I actually considered a friend went and stabbed me in the back and I can't even explain how much I want to get over it but can't. I try not to think about it but for the last week, literally, I've had dreams with him in them every night and it's seriously driving me crazy. Plus I keep picturing things we've done, fights, good times, everything and it hurts sooooo bad to know that it was dropped like it was.
I've never considered myself suicidal and I still don't but when the thought that the only way out of this mess is suicide enters my mind every single night it's hard not to get depressed about it it. It makes it so much harder when no one around you knows what you're going through at all.
In May i was looking at my summer and thinking it would change my life and sure as hell I was right but this was NOT what I expected.
As of late I've just been in a complete whole.
I've lost any interest in school I had, I seriously can't even get myself to go. I'm so fucked right now and I keep thinking I need to get myself out of this whole before it's to late and now I seriously don't know what to do.
My job sucks, I had a feeling quitting the theater would turn out to be a bad thing and since then everything has just fucked up.
It seems like everyone in my life right now has let me down in some way. I don't mean to sound spoiled or anything like that but that's just how I feel. I went from having something like 20 friends to 2 who at this moment I don't even consider friends all in the matter of two weeks. In a way I find it a good thing, I'm tired of being fake and tired of dealing with people's bull shit. The one person who I actually considered a friend went and stabbed me in the back and I can't even explain how much I want to get over it but can't. I try not to think about it but for the last week, literally, I've had dreams with him in them every night and it's seriously driving me crazy. Plus I keep picturing things we've done, fights, good times, everything and it hurts sooooo bad to know that it was dropped like it was.
I've never considered myself suicidal and I still don't but when the thought that the only way out of this mess is suicide enters my mind every single night it's hard not to get depressed about it it. It makes it so much harder when no one around you knows what you're going through at all.
In May i was looking at my summer and thinking it would change my life and sure as hell I was right but this was NOT what I expected.