Its been awhile...
Its been awhile. I usually dont write in this thing unless something monumental happens or I'm just feeling totally dejected/ worthless. Hence why I haven't been writing too much. Summer was a coasting from day to day at the internship. Everything made sense till she showed up.
I'm not sure what to do now. I was content with being single. Free to be me: loud, obnoxious, brash, dirty (needing a shower), and stubbly. No one cared. No one to impress. I was free. Then I met you, the real "You". I fell hard and fast. Still falling. I need to stop, to give up, find someone else or just be Free again. But the hole i've dug is slippery. Every inch back to me, erased by a "loaded" encounter. The air hangs thick with tension, we both know whats going on, but neither chooses to admit it. I wonder how many more encounters I can stand, then see your smile and know that next time isn't soon enough. It hurts to know you're only halfway there, one foot firmly planted the other outstretched undirected into the unknown. And here I am. Pain dulled by your radiance that you so effortlessly shower throughout our brief encounters. It renews a foolish hope that should have died long ago, but in my mind I think I know better.
So I sit here numb. Not angry because I understand, not impatient b.c you're worth the wait. We exist as 2 running parallel with end and no beginning. We plan on the other beign there in the future, and the past is a long long way away. We have no hope of crossing paths for more than a moment, a fleeting asymptotic anomaly. Limits disappear, time bends, maybe's seem like always, and a friendly embrace means so much more and we both know it.
I don't really know why I put this here. I just needed to get it out. More than likely You might read it, or maybe not. I'm not asking for an answer, this isn't an ultimatum. You just need to know that what I feel is more than you know.
So read this and Ignore it, archive it, trash it if you'd like. Or take a chance. Let go. And Fall.
I'm not sure what to do now. I was content with being single. Free to be me: loud, obnoxious, brash, dirty (needing a shower), and stubbly. No one cared. No one to impress. I was free. Then I met you, the real "You". I fell hard and fast. Still falling. I need to stop, to give up, find someone else or just be Free again. But the hole i've dug is slippery. Every inch back to me, erased by a "loaded" encounter. The air hangs thick with tension, we both know whats going on, but neither chooses to admit it. I wonder how many more encounters I can stand, then see your smile and know that next time isn't soon enough. It hurts to know you're only halfway there, one foot firmly planted the other outstretched undirected into the unknown. And here I am. Pain dulled by your radiance that you so effortlessly shower throughout our brief encounters. It renews a foolish hope that should have died long ago, but in my mind I think I know better.
So I sit here numb. Not angry because I understand, not impatient b.c you're worth the wait. We exist as 2 running parallel with end and no beginning. We plan on the other beign there in the future, and the past is a long long way away. We have no hope of crossing paths for more than a moment, a fleeting asymptotic anomaly. Limits disappear, time bends, maybe's seem like always, and a friendly embrace means so much more and we both know it.
I don't really know why I put this here. I just needed to get it out. More than likely You might read it, or maybe not. I'm not asking for an answer, this isn't an ultimatum. You just need to know that what I feel is more than you know.
So read this and Ignore it, archive it, trash it if you'd like. Or take a chance. Let go. And Fall.