Only in Richmond...
Wow. Moving to a southern "city" I never expected as much excitement and general weirdness as I'm enjoying (if you'd call it that) now.
Where to start...
I think this situation needs a prelude... something to set the scene. Enter: Me. Dressed in my Sunday best, beat to shit t-shirt, ball cap, cut off kakis, and my shower sandals from freshman yr. Yes, I just rolled out of bed and I'm dragging ass to my car to get the stuff from the barbecue the night before out of the back before the sun bakes it, and my car smells like Thai chicken for the rest of its existence... not that its a bad smell just not a car smell. I shut the back door carrying a laundry basket full of kitchen appliances: blender, food processor, cutting board, butcher knife, rice cooker etc. (I never said that I don't add to the weirdness here...). At this time I'm accosted by some cracked out white fat lesbian and her cracked out friend standing on the sidewalk scratching the back of her neck and sniffing her fingers.... Our conversation goes something like this: (I swear this is almost word for word the conversation, it was so fucking strange don't think I'll ever forget it)
Lesbo: Hello there sir.
Me: Hi?
Lesbo: What do you think of transformations?
Me: HUH?
Lesbo: TRANSFORMATIONS!!! **. Lucifer? I'm taking Satan home tonight and eating his pussy out.
Cracked out Lesbo Friend: Starts squealing with laughter as well as anyone with emphysema can stoops over and starts picking at the dirt in the gutter and her toes...
Me: Oh? That’s good?
Lesbo: You have never had Satan’s dick....
Me thinking to my self "Wait... I thought Satan has a pussy"
Cracked out Lesbo Friend: Louder cackling through intermittent coughs and wheezing.
Me: No, I'm sure it’s good though
**
Lesbo: Run along now... I’m gonna get me some FIRE PUSSY...
... And I frantically punch the code and get the fuck inside...
Only in Richmond...
Another fun encounter on the way home from work...
64 east is backed up... No surprise there... but here's the good part.... everyone starts merging into a single lane of traffic... why? CAR-BECUE... A VW Golf is sitting on the side of the road smoking.. Not an uncommon sight in Richmond during the summer... smoke then turns to flame. Car owner hops out... lights a cigarette from the flames spewing from HIS OWN CAR and calmly walks away. Traffic comes to a stop ... Then the manifold or the gas tank blows... BOOM Big fireball... hood goes flying ... I haul ass past the car and onto the shoulder... fun stuff
Never a dull moment.
Where to start...
I think this situation needs a prelude... something to set the scene. Enter: Me. Dressed in my Sunday best, beat to shit t-shirt, ball cap, cut off kakis, and my shower sandals from freshman yr. Yes, I just rolled out of bed and I'm dragging ass to my car to get the stuff from the barbecue the night before out of the back before the sun bakes it, and my car smells like Thai chicken for the rest of its existence... not that its a bad smell just not a car smell. I shut the back door carrying a laundry basket full of kitchen appliances: blender, food processor, cutting board, butcher knife, rice cooker etc. (I never said that I don't add to the weirdness here...). At this time I'm accosted by some cracked out white fat lesbian and her cracked out friend standing on the sidewalk scratching the back of her neck and sniffing her fingers.... Our conversation goes something like this: (I swear this is almost word for word the conversation, it was so fucking strange don't think I'll ever forget it)
Lesbo: Hello there sir.
Me: Hi?
Lesbo: What do you think of transformations?
Me: HUH?
Lesbo: TRANSFORMATIONS!!! **. Lucifer? I'm taking Satan home tonight and eating his pussy out.
Cracked out Lesbo Friend: Starts squealing with laughter as well as anyone with emphysema can stoops over and starts picking at the dirt in the gutter and her toes...
Me: Oh? That’s good?
Lesbo: You have never had Satan’s dick....
Me thinking to my self "Wait... I thought Satan has a pussy"
Cracked out Lesbo Friend: Louder cackling through intermittent coughs and wheezing.
Me: No, I'm sure it’s good though
**
Lesbo: Run along now... I’m gonna get me some FIRE PUSSY...
... And I frantically punch the code and get the fuck inside...
Only in Richmond...
Another fun encounter on the way home from work...
64 east is backed up... No surprise there... but here's the good part.... everyone starts merging into a single lane of traffic... why? CAR-BECUE... A VW Golf is sitting on the side of the road smoking.. Not an uncommon sight in Richmond during the summer... smoke then turns to flame. Car owner hops out... lights a cigarette from the flames spewing from HIS OWN CAR and calmly walks away. Traffic comes to a stop ... Then the manifold or the gas tank blows... BOOM Big fireball... hood goes flying ... I haul ass past the car and onto the shoulder... fun stuff
Never a dull moment.