Six Weeks
I have six weeks to get my pilot episode, production bible and first season outline finished for Trainwreck. Feb. 1 is when the producer I'm in contact with takes on new projects, and she's fairly intrigued by Trainwreck. So! Come Feb. 1, if I have my ducks in a row, we seek out funding. The way I have the first episode outlined, I might be able to pull it together for less than 20,000 dollars. Much of this budget would go into fabricating a mockup retail establishment for Honus to work. Even if it's just one aisle and full of mockup product it's still going to cost me a dang fortune.
One possibility is me making just one aisle, setting up a chroma key wall behind it and using still photographs of the store in which I work as backgrounds. I think this might be the best route to recreate a massive, sprawling retail establishment. Now I just have to think back to skool and recall how to set up a chroma key shoot.
So! Here we go! Season One (and probably Only) synopsis. I have plotted out six "Core Episodes," detailed below. These episodes should be broadcast in this order (with "Filler Episodes" interspersed throughout), with S1E5 and S1E6 being the final two episodes broadcast. I want the series to end on these two episodes. As far as I'm concerned, and if this thing ends up like the Clerks Cartoon and only two episodes are even broadcast, I'd prefer them to be S1E3 and S1E6. If you can't figure out why, then you haven't been reading this crappy journal long enough.
S1E1: Love Song For the Living Dead.
Recently-deceased boy rises from the grave as his love for her is stronger than the Reaper's grasp. Boy finds out that his girlfriend is already with some other duder, goes on awesome Zombie rampage.
S1E2: The Metalmonster.
The Devil went on down to Helsinki. Awesome metal guitarist Krag Jorgenson beats The Devil at a guitar duel. However one never actually beats The Devil, Krag receives the Devil's Cursed Axe and is forced to wander the world, challenging other guitarists in titanic battles for their souls.
S1E3: The Caanen Wisher.
Awful fan-fiction writer David Wisherman somehow possesses the amazing power to make his awful fiction real. Wisherman creates the city of Caanen, Arizona solely to revel in a real-life self-insertion fanfic. He is insane and must be stopped! Wisherman, despite having a harem of "Mary Sue-type" characters around him, has never felt the touch of a Real Woman, is effectively defeated by Vania's boobs and fraudulent display of affection. You suck, Wisherman.
S1E4: The Wickedpedia.
An alien computer system charged with the task of archiving all of the information in The Universe sets up shop here on Earth. Due to a misinterpretation of its instructions, this alien computer system then destroys a civilization once it has absorbed all of the information a civilization has to offer.
It decides that the best way to archive all of a planet's information is to set up a user definable "online encyclopedia" and allow the planet's inhabitants do the leg work for it. When several vandals fill the Wickedpedia with false information, The Wickedpedia begins to systematically delete these pests.
S1E5: The Senator.
The most dangerous threat Our Heroes will ever face: A United States Senator hell-bent to remove Government funding for the research and development company for which Our Heroes work. The Hon. Sen. Morosecow (R)-Utah, actually an alien Ironoid, and proprietor of the "comedy" web page thegreatestpagethroughouttheperpetuityofthecosmos.com with a hard-on for on galactic conquest is actually powerful enough to pull this off, if only he weren't hung up on (and thusly wasting precious resources on) some ridiculous war with comedy web site everythingsterrible.com.
S1E6: Wisherman's Return.
You can't keep a good fanfic writer down. Confined to an asylum after his defeat, David Wisherman is called upon by Our Heroes as a secret weapon to fight the ressurected Metalmonster. Unaware that Wisherman had since re-written his origin story and thusly reattained his awesome powers without having to be in possession of his power object, Wisherman instantly gets to work on exacting his vengeance upon Our Heroes. Utilizing a self-insert "clone" of himself, one that is the best-ever at everything, this self-insert clone defeats the Metalmonster soundly, attains its awesome powers but at the same time lacking a soul, does not receive Metalmonster's curse. Now, imbued with both Wisherman powers and Metalmonster powers, Wisherman exacts his bloody vengeance. Jerry, Honus and Rex are violently exterminated, while Vania's will is bent and he becomes Wisherman's personal love-slave.
Turns out that this whole episode exists solely inside Wisherman's sketch book, which he furiously draws at while in the asylum. You suck, Wisherman.
S1E7 - S1E12 are "Filler Episodes" and can, continuity-wise be interspersed anywhere between the first six episodes, just so long as S1E1 is the first, and S1E5 and E6 are the finale episodes.
S1E7: Hell's Lonliest Bachelor.
The contents of a lifelong bachelor's mini-fridge are the exact components in the exact proportions required to open a gateway to another dimension. There is no cold spaghetti, there is only Zuul. This episode explains how T.D.M.A.'s founder more or less got the idea for his company from the film Ghostbusters.
S1E8 Rex Rathcock - Gothbuster!
Rex Rathcock hates goths. Oh how he hates them. He's sought their destruction his whole life. A Vampire (Contessa Weißesverfassung) hates them too. She also more or less has an intense hatred of humanity, to the point where she has fabricated a rocket "to launch her to the Dark Side of the Moon, where there is no sunlight and most importantly, no goddamned people!" This rocket is fueled by the heavy makeup worn by goths. Rex Rathcock is torn between his desire to rid the world of goths, and his duty to protect his country from paranormal threats. I think that Rex will end up falling in L-U-V with the Contessa. Rex is a bit of an idiot and asshole anyway.
S1E9: Chainsaw Buffet.
Honus, always ready to mock and deride tweakers, spots a group of them in his store, browsing for chainsaws and other lawn equipment. Deriving joyous glee from their behavior, he sells them cart loads of saws, axes, hammers, hoses and spray nozzles. He also sets them up with Exteded Service Plans on all of the gas-powered equipment. However, these tweaky-tweakershams turn out to be an inbred cult of cannibalistic troglodytes, and they intend on using the equipment sold to them by Honus to butcher a freshly-captured bus load of co-eds. Honus, stricken by his conscience, takes it upon himself to put a stop to their rampage and rescue the sassy young co-eds.
S1E10: The Memeovore.
A eldridtch presence, existing only to consume on the shared concisouness, a so-called Memeovore has taken up residence at the popular website shirecht.org, an image board populated by the violently sociopathic and overpriveleged idiots, many of which are also members of the everythingsterrible.com for-pay message boards (which Sen. Morosecow, in a later episode will obliterate). The place is full of "memes," pieces of shared cultural consciousness. When several organized trolls create a counter-meme, one that points out the sheer ridiculousness of the shirecht meme, the Memeovore rises from the watery depths and begins to systematically track down and eradicate these trolls.
S1E11: OH HOLY SHIT IS THAT A D-D-D-D-DRAGON?!?
When a mysterious foreign Princess and her entourage arrives in town under mysterious circumstances, Our Heroes' ears perk up. When a dang DRAGON shows up to kidnap her, Our Heroes leap into action. Excited beyond belief at the chance to slay a GODDAMNED DRAGON, Honus, Rex and Jerry share an unprecedented cameraderie in order to fulfil every monster hunter's greatest fantasy: Chasing The Dragon (not highballing, I mean).
When it turns out that the Princess is the real Dragonslayer and The Boys are just in the way, they learn that they're really not the amazing professionals that they thought they were and how they still have a long way to go if they are to perfect the techniques and technologies required to defend this Grand and Glorious Nation from the upcoming, inevitable threat from beyond.
S1E12: Willensstärke.
Aliens with a nefarious invasion scheme arrive. Realizing Earthling culture is obsessed with "energy drinks" they form a company that produces and markets a new, super-powerful energy drink: Willensstärke. This energry drink however is an infection-vector for a plague of nanomachines designed to enhance the physiques and intellects of its consumers, behaving in a way that is similar-to but legally distinct-from that episode of Futurama. These enhanced addicts are now primed to become the Invaders' Advance Shock Troops, their Plan Nine Zombies.
Jerry and Vania, both professed energy drink addicts become hooked to the new drink, and the fate of the whole world rest in the capable-but-jittery hands of All-American coffee-drinker Honus McGillicuddy and the hardcore liquorphile Rex Rathcock.
This show is so never going to air.
One possibility is me making just one aisle, setting up a chroma key wall behind it and using still photographs of the store in which I work as backgrounds. I think this might be the best route to recreate a massive, sprawling retail establishment. Now I just have to think back to skool and recall how to set up a chroma key shoot.
So! Here we go! Season One (and probably Only) synopsis. I have plotted out six "Core Episodes," detailed below. These episodes should be broadcast in this order (with "Filler Episodes" interspersed throughout), with S1E5 and S1E6 being the final two episodes broadcast. I want the series to end on these two episodes. As far as I'm concerned, and if this thing ends up like the Clerks Cartoon and only two episodes are even broadcast, I'd prefer them to be S1E3 and S1E6. If you can't figure out why, then you haven't been reading this crappy journal long enough.
S1E1: Love Song For the Living Dead.
Recently-deceased boy rises from the grave as his love for her is stronger than the Reaper's grasp. Boy finds out that his girlfriend is already with some other duder, goes on awesome Zombie rampage.
S1E2: The Metalmonster.
The Devil went on down to Helsinki. Awesome metal guitarist Krag Jorgenson beats The Devil at a guitar duel. However one never actually beats The Devil, Krag receives the Devil's Cursed Axe and is forced to wander the world, challenging other guitarists in titanic battles for their souls.
S1E3: The Caanen Wisher.
Awful fan-fiction writer David Wisherman somehow possesses the amazing power to make his awful fiction real. Wisherman creates the city of Caanen, Arizona solely to revel in a real-life self-insertion fanfic. He is insane and must be stopped! Wisherman, despite having a harem of "Mary Sue-type" characters around him, has never felt the touch of a Real Woman, is effectively defeated by Vania's boobs and fraudulent display of affection. You suck, Wisherman.
S1E4: The Wickedpedia.
An alien computer system charged with the task of archiving all of the information in The Universe sets up shop here on Earth. Due to a misinterpretation of its instructions, this alien computer system then destroys a civilization once it has absorbed all of the information a civilization has to offer.
It decides that the best way to archive all of a planet's information is to set up a user definable "online encyclopedia" and allow the planet's inhabitants do the leg work for it. When several vandals fill the Wickedpedia with false information, The Wickedpedia begins to systematically delete these pests.
S1E5: The Senator.
The most dangerous threat Our Heroes will ever face: A United States Senator hell-bent to remove Government funding for the research and development company for which Our Heroes work. The Hon. Sen. Morosecow (R)-Utah, actually an alien Ironoid, and proprietor of the "comedy" web page thegreatestpagethroughouttheperpetuityofthecosmos.com with a hard-on for on galactic conquest is actually powerful enough to pull this off, if only he weren't hung up on (and thusly wasting precious resources on) some ridiculous war with comedy web site everythingsterrible.com.
S1E6: Wisherman's Return.
You can't keep a good fanfic writer down. Confined to an asylum after his defeat, David Wisherman is called upon by Our Heroes as a secret weapon to fight the ressurected Metalmonster. Unaware that Wisherman had since re-written his origin story and thusly reattained his awesome powers without having to be in possession of his power object, Wisherman instantly gets to work on exacting his vengeance upon Our Heroes. Utilizing a self-insert "clone" of himself, one that is the best-ever at everything, this self-insert clone defeats the Metalmonster soundly, attains its awesome powers but at the same time lacking a soul, does not receive Metalmonster's curse. Now, imbued with both Wisherman powers and Metalmonster powers, Wisherman exacts his bloody vengeance. Jerry, Honus and Rex are violently exterminated, while Vania's will is bent and he becomes Wisherman's personal love-slave.
Turns out that this whole episode exists solely inside Wisherman's sketch book, which he furiously draws at while in the asylum. You suck, Wisherman.
S1E7 - S1E12 are "Filler Episodes" and can, continuity-wise be interspersed anywhere between the first six episodes, just so long as S1E1 is the first, and S1E5 and E6 are the finale episodes.
S1E7: Hell's Lonliest Bachelor.
The contents of a lifelong bachelor's mini-fridge are the exact components in the exact proportions required to open a gateway to another dimension. There is no cold spaghetti, there is only Zuul. This episode explains how T.D.M.A.'s founder more or less got the idea for his company from the film Ghostbusters.
S1E8 Rex Rathcock - Gothbuster!
Rex Rathcock hates goths. Oh how he hates them. He's sought their destruction his whole life. A Vampire (Contessa Weißesverfassung) hates them too. She also more or less has an intense hatred of humanity, to the point where she has fabricated a rocket "to launch her to the Dark Side of the Moon, where there is no sunlight and most importantly, no goddamned people!" This rocket is fueled by the heavy makeup worn by goths. Rex Rathcock is torn between his desire to rid the world of goths, and his duty to protect his country from paranormal threats. I think that Rex will end up falling in L-U-V with the Contessa. Rex is a bit of an idiot and asshole anyway.
S1E9: Chainsaw Buffet.
Honus, always ready to mock and deride tweakers, spots a group of them in his store, browsing for chainsaws and other lawn equipment. Deriving joyous glee from their behavior, he sells them cart loads of saws, axes, hammers, hoses and spray nozzles. He also sets them up with Exteded Service Plans on all of the gas-powered equipment. However, these tweaky-tweakershams turn out to be an inbred cult of cannibalistic troglodytes, and they intend on using the equipment sold to them by Honus to butcher a freshly-captured bus load of co-eds. Honus, stricken by his conscience, takes it upon himself to put a stop to their rampage and rescue the sassy young co-eds.
S1E10: The Memeovore.
A eldridtch presence, existing only to consume on the shared concisouness, a so-called Memeovore has taken up residence at the popular website shirecht.org, an image board populated by the violently sociopathic and overpriveleged idiots, many of which are also members of the everythingsterrible.com for-pay message boards (which Sen. Morosecow, in a later episode will obliterate). The place is full of "memes," pieces of shared cultural consciousness. When several organized trolls create a counter-meme, one that points out the sheer ridiculousness of the shirecht meme, the Memeovore rises from the watery depths and begins to systematically track down and eradicate these trolls.
S1E11: OH HOLY SHIT IS THAT A D-D-D-D-DRAGON?!?
When a mysterious foreign Princess and her entourage arrives in town under mysterious circumstances, Our Heroes' ears perk up. When a dang DRAGON shows up to kidnap her, Our Heroes leap into action. Excited beyond belief at the chance to slay a GODDAMNED DRAGON, Honus, Rex and Jerry share an unprecedented cameraderie in order to fulfil every monster hunter's greatest fantasy: Chasing The Dragon (not highballing, I mean).
When it turns out that the Princess is the real Dragonslayer and The Boys are just in the way, they learn that they're really not the amazing professionals that they thought they were and how they still have a long way to go if they are to perfect the techniques and technologies required to defend this Grand and Glorious Nation from the upcoming, inevitable threat from beyond.
S1E12: Willensstärke.
Aliens with a nefarious invasion scheme arrive. Realizing Earthling culture is obsessed with "energy drinks" they form a company that produces and markets a new, super-powerful energy drink: Willensstärke. This energry drink however is an infection-vector for a plague of nanomachines designed to enhance the physiques and intellects of its consumers, behaving in a way that is similar-to but legally distinct-from that episode of Futurama. These enhanced addicts are now primed to become the Invaders' Advance Shock Troops, their Plan Nine Zombies.
Jerry and Vania, both professed energy drink addicts become hooked to the new drink, and the fate of the whole world rest in the capable-but-jittery hands of All-American coffee-drinker Honus McGillicuddy and the hardcore liquorphile Rex Rathcock.
This show is so never going to air.