Explaining Trainwreck
Is like explaining Darkplace. It's impossible to convey its greatness in words that are not "Dude, it's hilarious, trust me." How in the hell does one explain to some executron at The Network that Sanchez telling Dagless that "The lab results are in! That thing is a potential killer!" while pointing at a paper on a clipboard that reads "LAB RESULTS: POTENTIAL KILLER" in huge block letters is one of the funniest things ever?
Somehow, I fear that in both cases (Darkplace and Trainwreck), the end result has to be seen to be understood. That, and visual slapsticky comedy doesn't usually translate well to The Written Word. I mean, The Ren and Stimpy Show wasn't scripted for a reason (that reason being that John K. is functionally illiterate!)!
Alas, the first part of The Synopsis or is this The Treatment? Shit! The two terms are synonymous as far as I'm fucking concerned! I always hated writing these.
-- Trainwreck Explained --
Trainwreck (working title) is first and foremost a commercial for a fictional retailer - The Abode Annex (a nationwide warehouse-style home-improvement retailer) - and its fictional products. The show is set up to be a sort of "viral marketing" ploy by a nonexistent retailer. Every aspect of the show is tooled toward demonstrating its lawn and garden power equipment. Each episode will feature a different lawn and garden power tool used in accordance to its manufacturer's specifications and tolerances as if it were a thirty second commercial, but somehow masquerading as a half-hour horror anthology / action-comedy series.
Trainwreck is blatant about its being a commercial for The Abode Annex and its products, to the point where Honus (the focus character) actually performs a sales pitch while dispatching The Monster Of The Week.
Trainwreck however, hides the fact that it is a commercial by somehow grafting a plot and memorable characters into itself, becoming a standalone horror anthology / action-comedy series in its own right, just simply sponsored by The Abode Annex and its varied vendors.
The Abode Annex does not exist, it is simply a MacGuffin for the story to progress. However, recursively, the story is a MacGuffin for The Abode Annex to run a thirty-minute infomercial on Prime Time Television. If it needs to be spelled out further, Trainwreck is a satire of shows that are simply half hour-long commercials as well as shows designed to pander to the coveted Paid Product Placement.
The individual episodes focus on The Monster Of The Week-style storytelling. Our Heroes (detailed below) are introduced to The Monster and discover a way to defeat it while demonstrating The Abode Annex's fine products and services. The individual episodes are outlined, scripted and played totally straight, as if they were chapters in a real horror anthology / action-comedy series, so as to mask (poorly) the fact that each episode is a Paid Advertisement for The Abode Annex and its product line.
- The Characters -
The Abode Annex:
The Abode Annex is a character in itself. Each nationwide store is laid out in exactly the same manner, carrying exactly the same merchandise and is staffed with exactly the same employees as any other The Abode Annex store in the country. A number of employees are of the Cynical, Retail-Hating variety, but Honus (the focus character) is a Company Man who will not quit his job as a Sales Specialist even when offered a fat-and-sweaty gig by I.S.D.M.A., a big-shot Government Defense Contractor.
Honus McGillicuddy:
All-American Joe Sixpack Sales Specialist working in the Powered Lawn and Garden Equipment section. Honus is the Number One chainsaw and tractor salesman in the district and is a prized, loyal employee who puts The Company's interests before his own. Honus exists solely as a Poster Boy for The Abode Annex's HR department. Honus refuses to leave his position at The Abode Annex to join his friends and fellow monster-hunters at T.D.M.A. (I.S.D.M.A.'s field research and testing division) due to The Abode Annex's high starting wage and generous benefits package, combined with the friendly working environment that makes The Abode Annex the world leader in the warehouse-style home-improvement retail stores!
The Cynical Associate:
The Cynical Associate (who is the same character, but played by a different actor in each episode) is the kind of jerk that hates his job, hates the customers and hates the rinky-dink products which the store sells. The Cynical Associate makes all sorts of delightful jokes and comments about Those Goddamned Customers, Those Idiots in Management and How This Stupid Store Would Be So Much Better Off If I Were In Charge (Because the Management Wouldn't Know Their Asses From A Hole In the Ground). The Cynical Associate is a How To Not Act as far as the HR Department is concerned, and Honus will politely remind The Cynical Associate every episode that his (or her) behavior will get him (or her) into some serious trouble. Disciplinary action all the way up to termination! Honus, after all, is The Model Employee and The Cynical Associate is... not. They are Goofus and Gallant for the new millennium!
Jericho Cain:
Jericho "Jerry" Cain works for T.D.M.A., I.S.D.M.A.'s field research and testing division. Jerry is a supermacho idiot, the likes of which is seen as the completely unlikable protagonist in every action-comedy series yet produced, an asshole for the ages. Jerry drives a black-and-chrome Dodge Charger with a chrome novelty scrotum hanging from the rear bumper. Always quick with a turgid one-liner or a anecdote regarding his amazing sexual prowess, Jerry is the kind of idiot that appeals to idiots, thus assuring that he'll be forever remembered as "My Favorite Character" in any Trainwreck-related online message board discussions. Jerry is obsessed with firearms (American firearms in particular) and carries two 1911s that've both had hundreds of dollars worth of custom work done by Novak (a world-renowned 1911-smith and tactical shooting guru). Clashes virulently with Vania, who carries a box-stock Glock 19. The two of them have arguments that run along the same lines as the multitude Glock vs. 1911 flamewars on the gun porn boards.
If Bruce Campbell were available and twenty years younger, he would totally play Jerry.
Vania Csolgosz:
Jerry's partner and the "Straight Man" to all the idiotic lunacy that surrounds her. Despite her unpronounceable Eastern Bloc name, Vania was born and bred in Ohio and worked for a West Virginia Sheriff's Office before being hired by T.D.M.A. as a researcher. Now working with Jerry as a field researcher (read: Monster Hunter). Vania is terribly cynical, dry and feels that she's adrift in a sea of masculine idiocy. Most of the actual, genuine humor in the series comes from her observing how absurd the situations she's been placed into are. Vania is terribly uptight and conservative, wearing a suit even to the beach. Likes her Glock service pistol and Red Bull, commenting that "All the best stuff comes from Austria."
Rex Rathcock:
Rex is short. Not so short that he's a dwarf or midget, but not tall enough to be average. He has a very short fuse about his lack of tallness and will not hesitate to kick you in the shins if you give him any flak about how he's been served taller stacks of pancakes.
Drives a Ford Mustang. Sits on a phone book.
Rex works for I.S.D.M.A. proper and is sort of a liaison between the parent and daughter organizations. Rex is a Gothbuster and seeks to forever wipe them off of the face of the Earth. His crusade is bearing fruit, hence the waning popularity of the Eoth subculture, but much to his chagrin, the Emo subculture waxes. In his eyes, this is like the Little Old Lady That Swallowed a Spider, in how the cure to the problem is typically worse than the problem itself. If only he'd have had white belts with pyramid studs outlawed when he had the chance, none of this would have happened! Oh, but hindsight is always 20:20, right Rex?
I.S.D.M.A and T.D.M.A.:
I.S.D.M.A. is a Government Defense Research Contractor researching The Defense Science For the New Millennium. The Brass at I.S.D.M.A. believe (and rightly so) that the Saucerpeople will arrive within the decade or century or next ten thousand years, and by God, America had better have a valid defense system! Thus, learning how to combat the supernatural, extranatural and paranormal is I.S.D.M.A.'s stated goal.
Being a Defense Contractor, I.S.D.M.A. has access to all sorts of delightful military hardware (both "currently existing" and prototypical models suited for field testing). T.D.M.A., I.S.D.M.A.'s daughter company (who employs Jerry and Vania) is responsible for collecting data, implementation and experimentation of techniques and technologies that will be used in the inevitable defense of America and America's interests both at home and abroad.
T.D.M.A. stands for This Doesn't Mean Anything and I.S.D.M.A. stands for It Still Doesn't Mean Anything. The expansion of the acronyms is never said onscreen. It's hinted that I.S.D.M.A.'s President and C.E.O. got the idea from the hit 1984 film Ghostbusters starring Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd.
More to come in the near future. But until then, patience and courage.
Somehow, I fear that in both cases (Darkplace and Trainwreck), the end result has to be seen to be understood. That, and visual slapsticky comedy doesn't usually translate well to The Written Word. I mean, The Ren and Stimpy Show wasn't scripted for a reason (that reason being that John K. is functionally illiterate!)!
Alas, the first part of The Synopsis or is this The Treatment? Shit! The two terms are synonymous as far as I'm fucking concerned! I always hated writing these.
-- Trainwreck Explained --
Trainwreck (working title) is first and foremost a commercial for a fictional retailer - The Abode Annex (a nationwide warehouse-style home-improvement retailer) - and its fictional products. The show is set up to be a sort of "viral marketing" ploy by a nonexistent retailer. Every aspect of the show is tooled toward demonstrating its lawn and garden power equipment. Each episode will feature a different lawn and garden power tool used in accordance to its manufacturer's specifications and tolerances as if it were a thirty second commercial, but somehow masquerading as a half-hour horror anthology / action-comedy series.
Trainwreck is blatant about its being a commercial for The Abode Annex and its products, to the point where Honus (the focus character) actually performs a sales pitch while dispatching The Monster Of The Week.
Trainwreck however, hides the fact that it is a commercial by somehow grafting a plot and memorable characters into itself, becoming a standalone horror anthology / action-comedy series in its own right, just simply sponsored by The Abode Annex and its varied vendors.
The Abode Annex does not exist, it is simply a MacGuffin for the story to progress. However, recursively, the story is a MacGuffin for The Abode Annex to run a thirty-minute infomercial on Prime Time Television. If it needs to be spelled out further, Trainwreck is a satire of shows that are simply half hour-long commercials as well as shows designed to pander to the coveted Paid Product Placement.
The individual episodes focus on The Monster Of The Week-style storytelling. Our Heroes (detailed below) are introduced to The Monster and discover a way to defeat it while demonstrating The Abode Annex's fine products and services. The individual episodes are outlined, scripted and played totally straight, as if they were chapters in a real horror anthology / action-comedy series, so as to mask (poorly) the fact that each episode is a Paid Advertisement for The Abode Annex and its product line.
- The Characters -
The Abode Annex:
The Abode Annex is a character in itself. Each nationwide store is laid out in exactly the same manner, carrying exactly the same merchandise and is staffed with exactly the same employees as any other The Abode Annex store in the country. A number of employees are of the Cynical, Retail-Hating variety, but Honus (the focus character) is a Company Man who will not quit his job as a Sales Specialist even when offered a fat-and-sweaty gig by I.S.D.M.A., a big-shot Government Defense Contractor.
Honus McGillicuddy:
All-American Joe Sixpack Sales Specialist working in the Powered Lawn and Garden Equipment section. Honus is the Number One chainsaw and tractor salesman in the district and is a prized, loyal employee who puts The Company's interests before his own. Honus exists solely as a Poster Boy for The Abode Annex's HR department. Honus refuses to leave his position at The Abode Annex to join his friends and fellow monster-hunters at T.D.M.A. (I.S.D.M.A.'s field research and testing division) due to The Abode Annex's high starting wage and generous benefits package, combined with the friendly working environment that makes The Abode Annex the world leader in the warehouse-style home-improvement retail stores!
The Cynical Associate:
The Cynical Associate (who is the same character, but played by a different actor in each episode) is the kind of jerk that hates his job, hates the customers and hates the rinky-dink products which the store sells. The Cynical Associate makes all sorts of delightful jokes and comments about Those Goddamned Customers, Those Idiots in Management and How This Stupid Store Would Be So Much Better Off If I Were In Charge (Because the Management Wouldn't Know Their Asses From A Hole In the Ground). The Cynical Associate is a How To Not Act as far as the HR Department is concerned, and Honus will politely remind The Cynical Associate every episode that his (or her) behavior will get him (or her) into some serious trouble. Disciplinary action all the way up to termination! Honus, after all, is The Model Employee and The Cynical Associate is... not. They are Goofus and Gallant for the new millennium!
Jericho Cain:
Jericho "Jerry" Cain works for T.D.M.A., I.S.D.M.A.'s field research and testing division. Jerry is a supermacho idiot, the likes of which is seen as the completely unlikable protagonist in every action-comedy series yet produced, an asshole for the ages. Jerry drives a black-and-chrome Dodge Charger with a chrome novelty scrotum hanging from the rear bumper. Always quick with a turgid one-liner or a anecdote regarding his amazing sexual prowess, Jerry is the kind of idiot that appeals to idiots, thus assuring that he'll be forever remembered as "My Favorite Character" in any Trainwreck-related online message board discussions. Jerry is obsessed with firearms (American firearms in particular) and carries two 1911s that've both had hundreds of dollars worth of custom work done by Novak (a world-renowned 1911-smith and tactical shooting guru). Clashes virulently with Vania, who carries a box-stock Glock 19. The two of them have arguments that run along the same lines as the multitude Glock vs. 1911 flamewars on the gun porn boards.
If Bruce Campbell were available and twenty years younger, he would totally play Jerry.
Vania Csolgosz:
Jerry's partner and the "Straight Man" to all the idiotic lunacy that surrounds her. Despite her unpronounceable Eastern Bloc name, Vania was born and bred in Ohio and worked for a West Virginia Sheriff's Office before being hired by T.D.M.A. as a researcher. Now working with Jerry as a field researcher (read: Monster Hunter). Vania is terribly cynical, dry and feels that she's adrift in a sea of masculine idiocy. Most of the actual, genuine humor in the series comes from her observing how absurd the situations she's been placed into are. Vania is terribly uptight and conservative, wearing a suit even to the beach. Likes her Glock service pistol and Red Bull, commenting that "All the best stuff comes from Austria."
Rex Rathcock:
Rex is short. Not so short that he's a dwarf or midget, but not tall enough to be average. He has a very short fuse about his lack of tallness and will not hesitate to kick you in the shins if you give him any flak about how he's been served taller stacks of pancakes.
Drives a Ford Mustang. Sits on a phone book.
Rex works for I.S.D.M.A. proper and is sort of a liaison between the parent and daughter organizations. Rex is a Gothbuster and seeks to forever wipe them off of the face of the Earth. His crusade is bearing fruit, hence the waning popularity of the Eoth subculture, but much to his chagrin, the Emo subculture waxes. In his eyes, this is like the Little Old Lady That Swallowed a Spider, in how the cure to the problem is typically worse than the problem itself. If only he'd have had white belts with pyramid studs outlawed when he had the chance, none of this would have happened! Oh, but hindsight is always 20:20, right Rex?
I.S.D.M.A and T.D.M.A.:
I.S.D.M.A. is a Government Defense Research Contractor researching The Defense Science For the New Millennium. The Brass at I.S.D.M.A. believe (and rightly so) that the Saucerpeople will arrive within the decade or century or next ten thousand years, and by God, America had better have a valid defense system! Thus, learning how to combat the supernatural, extranatural and paranormal is I.S.D.M.A.'s stated goal.
Being a Defense Contractor, I.S.D.M.A. has access to all sorts of delightful military hardware (both "currently existing" and prototypical models suited for field testing). T.D.M.A., I.S.D.M.A.'s daughter company (who employs Jerry and Vania) is responsible for collecting data, implementation and experimentation of techniques and technologies that will be used in the inevitable defense of America and America's interests both at home and abroad.
T.D.M.A. stands for This Doesn't Mean Anything and I.S.D.M.A. stands for It Still Doesn't Mean Anything. The expansion of the acronyms is never said onscreen. It's hinted that I.S.D.M.A.'s President and C.E.O. got the idea from the hit 1984 film Ghostbusters starring Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd.
More to come in the near future. But until then, patience and courage.