Doin's a'Transpirin'
And here I go again on my own. Goin' down the only road I ever known and writing more inane bullshit about characters that persist in this crazy trainwreck of a show I'm conceptualizing! Today's entry is Vania Czolgosz, Jericho "Jerry" Cain's partner, the Straight Man to all the insane bullshit that Jerry and Honus (scroll to a few entries down and tell MSWORD to find-and-replace "Herbert T. Kurzweil" with "Honus McGillicuddy" and we're all done until the next time I decide to change his name) spew on a minutely basis.
Here goes!
Vania Czolgosz - Cranky paranormal detective with an unpronouncable last name. Jerry's partner. Their employer, TDMA Investigations Inc. tends to pair its operatives off in an Investigator / Exterminator duo. Czolgosz started off working as a patrol officer with a rural West Virginia sheriff's office. Showed some aptitude for policing and eventually rose up the ladder to Detective.
Vania took her first giant bite of paranorma during The Great Zombie Freak-Out of 2000. A small group of college-kids cum necromantic wanna-bes somewhat purposely caused the dead to rise and planned on their voting Democrat. Their plan naturally backfired resulting with an overwhelming Republican victory for that particular voting district. The idiot college kids overlooked one important aspect in their seemingly-flawless plan: Born-Agains tend to vote Republican.
It is an amusing historical footnote that the zombies had no trouble figuring out the ballot, and that their atrophied limbs were indeed powerful enough to prevent any chads, be they hanging, dimpled, pregnant or that other, lesser well-recalled chad.
Shortly after The Great Zombie Freak-Out, Detective Czolgosz became obsessed with keeping That Old Secret Knowledge hidden and away from the prying eyes of those who would seek the sort of information that can be used to summon forth those horrible despoilers from the void. For several years, she researched paranormal happenings and investigated more than her fair share of Mothman sightings and UFO encounters. She was eventually noticed and recruited by TDMA Investigations Inc., a private investigation firm with seemingly bottomless resources. After five years on the job as a researcher and investigator, she was promoted to Field Duty and partnered with Jericho "Jerry" Cain.
Character Notes:
Vania is of Eastern European (Polish / Romanian, specifically) descent, but can trace her lineage to the Cleveland area to at least 188X. Due to her name and stunning Eastern European good looks, she is mistakenly thought to be "in tune" with all the paranormal happenings that twirl and swirl around her as if they were in orbit. This ascertation is of course, bullshit of the straight-up, buster-ass variety. Vania is no more "in tune" with the oddities around her than you or I. However, she is a skilled investigator with years of experience in the field of abnatural oddness.
She is the "Straight Man" character who plays off of and reacts to both Honus' and Jerry's varied insanities with an eye-roll and a deep sigh. She can hardly accept that she's a detective that works around zombies and flying saucers, let alone deal with Jerry's macho idiocy and Honus' lunatic quest to avenge the death of a loved one who nobody is exactly certain even existed.
Nobody can pronounce her last name. Ever. This is a running joke, one that she does not take lightly (I think it's pronounced Sose-Gauze. The Wickedpedia entry is - as usual - of no help). Vania speaks completely unaccented American English and knows about as much Polish and Russian as a first-year foreign-language student would. Vania is the great-great-great grandniece of the man who in 1901 assassinated President William McKinley. This tidbit of information is not to be used so much as a running joke, but as a weirdly recurring reference.
How's that for characterization!? Here's hoping nobody reads into this that Vania is in any way, shape or form a Mary Sue-type character. because as we all know, Jericho "Jerry" Cain is my one true Mary Sue. Rowr.
By the by, TDMA stands for This Doesn't Mean Anything.
Here goes!
Vania Czolgosz - Cranky paranormal detective with an unpronouncable last name. Jerry's partner. Their employer, TDMA Investigations Inc. tends to pair its operatives off in an Investigator / Exterminator duo. Czolgosz started off working as a patrol officer with a rural West Virginia sheriff's office. Showed some aptitude for policing and eventually rose up the ladder to Detective.
Vania took her first giant bite of paranorma during The Great Zombie Freak-Out of 2000. A small group of college-kids cum necromantic wanna-bes somewhat purposely caused the dead to rise and planned on their voting Democrat. Their plan naturally backfired resulting with an overwhelming Republican victory for that particular voting district. The idiot college kids overlooked one important aspect in their seemingly-flawless plan: Born-Agains tend to vote Republican.
It is an amusing historical footnote that the zombies had no trouble figuring out the ballot, and that their atrophied limbs were indeed powerful enough to prevent any chads, be they hanging, dimpled, pregnant or that other, lesser well-recalled chad.
Shortly after The Great Zombie Freak-Out, Detective Czolgosz became obsessed with keeping That Old Secret Knowledge hidden and away from the prying eyes of those who would seek the sort of information that can be used to summon forth those horrible despoilers from the void. For several years, she researched paranormal happenings and investigated more than her fair share of Mothman sightings and UFO encounters. She was eventually noticed and recruited by TDMA Investigations Inc., a private investigation firm with seemingly bottomless resources. After five years on the job as a researcher and investigator, she was promoted to Field Duty and partnered with Jericho "Jerry" Cain.
Character Notes:
Vania is of Eastern European (Polish / Romanian, specifically) descent, but can trace her lineage to the Cleveland area to at least 188X. Due to her name and stunning Eastern European good looks, she is mistakenly thought to be "in tune" with all the paranormal happenings that twirl and swirl around her as if they were in orbit. This ascertation is of course, bullshit of the straight-up, buster-ass variety. Vania is no more "in tune" with the oddities around her than you or I. However, she is a skilled investigator with years of experience in the field of abnatural oddness.
She is the "Straight Man" character who plays off of and reacts to both Honus' and Jerry's varied insanities with an eye-roll and a deep sigh. She can hardly accept that she's a detective that works around zombies and flying saucers, let alone deal with Jerry's macho idiocy and Honus' lunatic quest to avenge the death of a loved one who nobody is exactly certain even existed.
Nobody can pronounce her last name. Ever. This is a running joke, one that she does not take lightly (I think it's pronounced Sose-Gauze. The Wickedpedia entry is - as usual - of no help). Vania speaks completely unaccented American English and knows about as much Polish and Russian as a first-year foreign-language student would. Vania is the great-great-great grandniece of the man who in 1901 assassinated President William McKinley. This tidbit of information is not to be used so much as a running joke, but as a weirdly recurring reference.
How's that for characterization!? Here's hoping nobody reads into this that Vania is in any way, shape or form a Mary Sue-type character. because as we all know, Jericho "Jerry" Cain is my one true Mary Sue. Rowr.
By the by, TDMA stands for This Doesn't Mean Anything.