(no subject)
"i remember when different became bad."
"i hope most of all, that you must understand, that even though i dont know you. i love you....with all my heart. i love you"
so much on my mind.
lately i have felt drained from the energy i have been putting into certain things.
there has been a boy that i have been on a rollercoaster with this summer.
its strange. today i was thinking about it a lot. i was bored at work....and when that happens. i have nothing but my thoughts.
i sit behind that counter....sketching, writing things down....and contemplating what i have been doing the last few months.
what have i been working for?
i dont get the relationship me and this boy have.
we argue sooo much. we scream at each other, tell each other horrible things.
he at times makes me feel worse than i have ever felt before.
and i assume the feeling might be mutual when i fight back with him.
nevertheless, what i was thinking about today was most intrueging.
i realized....even though we argue, we cant stand each other.
i feel more comfortable with him then a lot of other people. i feel like we have been through so much with each other.
its gotten to the point where i realize....he isnt a bad person, neither am i. we may be bad to put together.
but im starting to realize compassion.
"i cant feel anything anymore"
most of you wont even know what im talking about and thats, ok.
maybe im just rambling. but i needed to attempt to put my thoughts into words.
im watching V for Vendetta right now.
second time this week. i love this movie.
though it makes me sick, when i realize that the future could very easily become a dictated government.
idk. i just worry sometimes.
other days i feel like we are smarter than this.
eh.
time will tell.
i sometimes feel like im losing touch with my life goals. i feel like i am becoming easily distracted.
that scares me. i dont want to waste time. i dont want to forget about what i truly want.
i dont want to become a failure in my parents eyes.
i need to prove to them that i will accomplish something great.
or at least that i can take care of myself.
dependency is weakness. and i dont want to look weak.
one step closer.
"i hope most of all, that you must understand, that even though i dont know you. i love you....with all my heart. i love you"
so much on my mind.
lately i have felt drained from the energy i have been putting into certain things.
there has been a boy that i have been on a rollercoaster with this summer.
its strange. today i was thinking about it a lot. i was bored at work....and when that happens. i have nothing but my thoughts.
i sit behind that counter....sketching, writing things down....and contemplating what i have been doing the last few months.
what have i been working for?
i dont get the relationship me and this boy have.
we argue sooo much. we scream at each other, tell each other horrible things.
he at times makes me feel worse than i have ever felt before.
and i assume the feeling might be mutual when i fight back with him.
nevertheless, what i was thinking about today was most intrueging.
i realized....even though we argue, we cant stand each other.
i feel more comfortable with him then a lot of other people. i feel like we have been through so much with each other.
its gotten to the point where i realize....he isnt a bad person, neither am i. we may be bad to put together.
but im starting to realize compassion.
"i cant feel anything anymore"
most of you wont even know what im talking about and thats, ok.
maybe im just rambling. but i needed to attempt to put my thoughts into words.
im watching V for Vendetta right now.
second time this week. i love this movie.
though it makes me sick, when i realize that the future could very easily become a dictated government.
idk. i just worry sometimes.
other days i feel like we are smarter than this.
eh.
time will tell.
i sometimes feel like im losing touch with my life goals. i feel like i am becoming easily distracted.
that scares me. i dont want to waste time. i dont want to forget about what i truly want.
i dont want to become a failure in my parents eyes.
i need to prove to them that i will accomplish something great.
or at least that i can take care of myself.
dependency is weakness. and i dont want to look weak.
one step closer.