(no subject)
I am fairly sad today. Note "sad" - when I am depressed, it is for reasons I can not name. When I am sad, there is a legitimate reason that I can recognize.
I no longer fall prey to self-loathing, at least not in the ways I used to, but I think, on the whole, I'm kind of a bastard.
The only thing I can do is try to be a better person, I guess, and make amends where necessary. Even where it is not necessarily pertinent... but there are a great many faults of mine that I need to address. Confrontation, especially with myself, has never been my forte, but I guess it's time to, I don't know, grow up. Man up. Do something about it.
I've spent enough time feeling justified or self-righteous, but in retrospect I look at my self as a caricature, an outlandish cartoon - I feel legitimately sorry, I hate myself for some of my actions and words, I feel particularly doomed to some kind of damnation and not particularly undeserving of it.
The journey toward perdition starts with a few steps - so as I zipper up my boots, put on a coat and hat, I realize that the old me is no longer sufficient, and that affecting positive change in my surroundings is up to me, and me alone, for no one can change me but me. If you are reading this, and I have offended or wronged you in the past, know that I am in fact deeply sorry about it, and that I will actively be more mindful of my words and actions from here on out.
Signing off for now.
I no longer fall prey to self-loathing, at least not in the ways I used to, but I think, on the whole, I'm kind of a bastard.
The only thing I can do is try to be a better person, I guess, and make amends where necessary. Even where it is not necessarily pertinent... but there are a great many faults of mine that I need to address. Confrontation, especially with myself, has never been my forte, but I guess it's time to, I don't know, grow up. Man up. Do something about it.
I've spent enough time feeling justified or self-righteous, but in retrospect I look at my self as a caricature, an outlandish cartoon - I feel legitimately sorry, I hate myself for some of my actions and words, I feel particularly doomed to some kind of damnation and not particularly undeserving of it.
The journey toward perdition starts with a few steps - so as I zipper up my boots, put on a coat and hat, I realize that the old me is no longer sufficient, and that affecting positive change in my surroundings is up to me, and me alone, for no one can change me but me. If you are reading this, and I have offended or wronged you in the past, know that I am in fact deeply sorry about it, and that I will actively be more mindful of my words and actions from here on out.
Signing off for now.