I know that it has been a while....
Well here goes. I am exhausted and so stressed out that I could scream. First we had the little truck go down on us and we had to buy another vehicle so that my hubbie could get to work. Then we had the Jeep go down. Then we got behind on the mortgage payment. And now Star, who is supposed to be my friend, is totally fucking me. She is refusing to pay her half of January's payment even though she has more than enough money sitting in a money market account. This is after she totally ambushed me and chewed me up one side and interrogated me about my finances, even to the point of using my kids are a weapon aagainst me. By the time she was done I was in tears and I wanted to kill her. Now I am stuck in a really stickie one. The fact is that if we kick them out for not paying then we have to pay and we cannot afford that and there is the damage that they have done over there. The former owner would be sick if she could see what they have done. We are trying to get refinanced and that will probably not go thorugh because the damage will decrease the value of the duplex.
You know I thought that it was such a smart thing to do my best to make a win win situation for all of us and not leave them hanging high and dry. Well obviously I was wrong and now I have to pay for it. I am so sick of this shit that I cannot hardly stand it. It is making me physicaly ill and it breaks my heart that Star has turned into such a greedy and selfish little bitch. She has no compassion in her whatsoever. She claims to be respectful and all that. She does not even know the meaning of the word. It has gotten to the point that I have to stay the hell away from her because I will totally lose it and probably beat her to a bloody pulp if I am not careful with my temper. She is ruining my life, my kids' life and getting really fucking close to ruining my marriage.
All that I can think of is that she is so jealous of me that she feels she has to tear me down to build herself up and make herself look better. In the meantime she is losing the only friend that has stuck with her all these years and put up with her shit. People ask me is this argument is worth our friendship and the only thing that I have to say is that none of my other friends, even those that I have not known for very long, would never even dream of doing to me what she does.
So here is am in this total quagmire of despair, depression, and total darkness with no way out. I sit in fear everyday of what will happen next. i sit in fear that I am going to lose it all over her and land myself in jail because of her. And now I have to make the decision to play hardball with her and I really do not want to. I just want her to do the right thing and pay her portion and leave it at that. Oh well. i guess you lice and learn like so many of the cold hearted bastards i know have told me lately. Let us hope that this is the calm before the storm.
LadyJ