(no subject)
most of today was really shitty. I felt really bad about a lot of stuff. I was really depressed about sadie stuff. Then i had to go to class and see sadie (not that i dont like to see her, i just miss her a lot). We are taking a break from each other right now. Its got to be one of the hardest things ive ever done, but its good, cause this way i dont always bug her and stuff. I dunno, i just hope some day stuff can go back to how its supposed to be. Heh. i really love that girl a lot, more than anyone knows, and its hard cause right now i dont feel like i can tell her. It kills me. *sigh* she really is amazing, thats why this is so hard on me. No one like her in the world, and i know many would agree with me. So yeah. Valentines will be hard too. I miss spoiling her. I had so much stuff i wanted to do for her, places i wanted to take her and stuff like that. And i keep planning what im gonna get her for valentines day, and then i remember that even if she was going to be in town, i dont get to. I dunno. I just miss knowing that i made her happy, and made her feel special and loved. And its not like i feel like ill never meet anyone else, its just that right now there is noone else that i would want to be that close to really. Like, stuff will be ok, just not how i want it. *sigh* its a sad situation. We had such a good thing going, its sad to see it end, but thats life i guess.... and who knows what the future holds (do you?????) o_0?
Tonight I went to dinner with dan, trever, and bob. We went to the rodizio grill. Damn, that place is sooooo good. heh. I tried rattlesnake and Alligator. Twas odd. The best food was the pineapple tho *drool* sadie would have gone crazy. it was fuckin yummy. But the whole night was lot of fun. And it got me out of my depression for a while. So ive decided, friends are gonna need to be more important to me right now. Not that i didnt care for them or something, i just never got out of my house and hung out with them. Which i need to do, i owe it to them and myself. I dunno. Im a bit cheered up right now, but i dont expect it to last for to long. Its nice to feel that hope again tho. Cause i was getting a bit sick of being hopeless. So yeah. mreph. people need to not give me so much shit about being a non drug user right now. its fucking annoying. I also need to think about my personal policies as far as hanging out with drug users go. I dont think there should be anything wrong if i want to go chill with like, lije sometime, but when hes not on drugs, if he was willing to do that. I dunno, i miss him, we were really close, and its been hard to see him fall like this, but i think i could still have fun with him as long as he wasnt on drugs at the time. heh, i think ill talk to him about this. I dunno, im just sick of being stuck in my room all the time. and i know its my fault, i just need to find out what people are willing to chill with me, even if it means not doing drugs right then. Heh, this whole thing needs a lot more thought, but not right now, i dont want to ruin my good mood. Anyways, im gonna go play counter strike for a while, and then go to bed. Tomorrow will be nice and relaxed i think, i just have a class for 50 minutes.....
Oh yeah, Im considering buying an additional paintball gun just to have in case someone wants to come with us. Its a good gun (the one i almost got, but decided to save a bit more and get my autococker), and its a hella good price. More people need to get into paintball. heh. Im about to throw another $300 into upgrades as soon as i find the best prices. hmm... this is also a hopefull song. I like it a lot. It will always remind me of sam for some reason. Now there is someone i could stand to be closer to.... Sam is a good girl. :)anyways......
Tonight I went to dinner with dan, trever, and bob. We went to the rodizio grill. Damn, that place is sooooo good. heh. I tried rattlesnake and Alligator. Twas odd. The best food was the pineapple tho *drool* sadie would have gone crazy. it was fuckin yummy. But the whole night was lot of fun. And it got me out of my depression for a while. So ive decided, friends are gonna need to be more important to me right now. Not that i didnt care for them or something, i just never got out of my house and hung out with them. Which i need to do, i owe it to them and myself. I dunno. Im a bit cheered up right now, but i dont expect it to last for to long. Its nice to feel that hope again tho. Cause i was getting a bit sick of being hopeless. So yeah. mreph. people need to not give me so much shit about being a non drug user right now. its fucking annoying. I also need to think about my personal policies as far as hanging out with drug users go. I dont think there should be anything wrong if i want to go chill with like, lije sometime, but when hes not on drugs, if he was willing to do that. I dunno, i miss him, we were really close, and its been hard to see him fall like this, but i think i could still have fun with him as long as he wasnt on drugs at the time. heh, i think ill talk to him about this. I dunno, im just sick of being stuck in my room all the time. and i know its my fault, i just need to find out what people are willing to chill with me, even if it means not doing drugs right then. Heh, this whole thing needs a lot more thought, but not right now, i dont want to ruin my good mood. Anyways, im gonna go play counter strike for a while, and then go to bed. Tomorrow will be nice and relaxed i think, i just have a class for 50 minutes.....
Oh yeah, Im considering buying an additional paintball gun just to have in case someone wants to come with us. Its a good gun (the one i almost got, but decided to save a bit more and get my autococker), and its a hella good price. More people need to get into paintball. heh. Im about to throw another $300 into upgrades as soon as i find the best prices. hmm... this is also a hopefull song. I like it a lot. It will always remind me of sam for some reason. Now there is someone i could stand to be closer to.... Sam is a good girl. :)anyways......