Confessing Curiosity [NC-17, Die/Kyo]

[tomaattikopio]

Title: Confessing Curiosity
Pairing: Die/Kyo
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Fuck warnings. I mean, cursing.
For: Cadkitten

A/N: Merry Christmas, folks. Especially you, Cad, because you've been making my life worthwhile lately. You deserve some porn for that, really.


Kyo felt cold and tired. He laid back on the bed and sighed, his eyes still not used to the darkness of the room. He'd been there a couple of minutes, but after turning off the lights in the bathroom he was now completely surrounded by dark. It was alright, he was intending to sleep soon, as soon in fact as he could bother to undress and crawl under the blanket. His whole body was heavy and dull, sore from exhaustment brought on by the performance earlier.
His eyes were wandering about the empty bed of Die's and for a moment he wondered where the man himself was, if he was having fun or simply drinking away his own aches.

It had been a while he'd last shared a room with the man. In fact, he had consciously avoided doing so - not because of the reason he had expressed, that Die made a lot of noise when he returned to the room and he'd rather sleep well than wake up to that, but because he wanted him to return so badly that he couldn't sleep until he did. And when he was there, drunken and often pissed over something, Kyo still spent hours wishing he had the courage to walk up to the man and let him know how he felt.
A scratching noise by the door alerted Kyo to the other's early arrival. It was true Die made a lot of noise when he came back. In fact, Kyo preferred that to the sneaking of Kaoru's, he had more than once been startled by waking up to his instincts picking up minor signals from the surrounding room and seeing the man's shadowy profile skulking about. Toshiya was just as noisy as Die was and while a little more coherent when drunk, he was still less fun to reason with in the middle of the night. When he'd asked for Die to keep quiet, Die always did so. Toshiya, on the other hand, did not. Die could just throw himself on the bed and sleep if he was requested to do so, Toshiya absolutely had to finish his night rituals.
Shinya was his favourite to share a room with on tours, as they were always on the same wavelength and Shinya was pretty much the same, drunk or sober, tired or energetic.

A punch on the door let Kyo know Die wasn't doing so well with the lock. He got up, shivered and forced his feet to obey his orders all the way to the source of the noise.
He opened the lock and pushed the door ajar, backing against the wall to let the man in. Die poked the door open and gave Kyo an undescribable look, put on the lights and closed the door.
"Sorry," he muttered with a grin, "didn't mean to bother you, but look at this fucking key..."
He pulled up the key and showed it to Kyo, whose tired eyes took a moment to focus on them. When he saw the crooked end, he grinned.
"How the hell did you manage that? We need to return these the first thing tomorrow."

Die nodded, sighing. He had kicked off his shoes and was now ridding himself of his hoodie, and as he pulled it up, Kyo's eyes caught a glimpse of the cream-coloured skin of his stomach. Just the vision of that made his breathing harder and he turned around, walking away as his heart pumped the blood in his veins in a rush.
He pulled off his own shirt on the way back to his bed, removed his socks when the first task was done and hesitated on pulling off his pants just yet in case his body would end up giving a nice visible hint towards its will to mate with Die.
He sat down to watch the older move about the room, noticeably less drunk than he usually was at the point he returned to the room and also noticeably, unusually anxious and somehow jumpy. He seemed to pace around aimlessly, touching furniture as if to see how they felt like as he passed them by, turning around and around seeming strained and breathless.
"Kyo, you know..." he started, finally sitting down on his bed so that they were sitting opposite to each other.
Despite the position he had chosen that clearly indicated he wanted contact to Kyo, he was looking the other way.

Kyo's heart felt like it would explode, he was colder than ever and wanted nothing more than for Die to spit out whatever he was going to say so it'd be over.
He shifted uncomfortably, looking away just as the other was doing.
"I came here to talk to you," Die laughed nervously and shrugged, "but I can't seem to do it after all."
Kyo gave him a crooked grin and nodded.
"I know exactly how that feels like," he muttered.

"Yeah, well... it's just... oh god, how about I just get this over and done with? It'll sound really awkward, hopefully you'll... get it the right way, still."
Die was frowning and rubbing his palm, obviously trying to relieve the anxiousness and relax.
"I've just noticed that you behave pretty oddly with me and I thought that perhaps, um, you'd want to talk to me about it, so I... yeah, I just figured maybe there was something we need to discuss and I really don't want to bother you if it's private or something but if I'm being a pain in the ass for you or something then I really need to know so I can fix it."

Kyo's cheeks were flushed and his breathing was irregular and forced, but he smiled.
"It's private," he muttered, "but I've intended to talk to you about it."
Saying the words was easier now that they'd started.
"So I'm not doing anything wrong, am I?" Die asked, still nervous but looking hopeful.
"No... you're fine," Kyo said and was happy to see the relief on the man's face, "the problem is... you're more than just that."

He knew Die was far from stupid, and he'd understand everything any moment now. And indeed, he seemed to do exactly that - the guitarist's expression went from uncertain to shocked to locked up to slightly bothered.
"You're like... attracted to me, are you?"
Kyo shrugged. It was more than simple attraction, it was infatuation and at worst, something he'd equal to loving someone.
"Yes."

Die turned a little, examined the rugged spot on the knee of his jeans and seemed just as flustered as Kyo was feeling.
"Well... that's... I guess that's better than you hating me, right?" he chuckled and glanced at Kyo, immediately turning back to investigating the ends of the threads sticking out of his jeans.
Kyo shrugged, feeling like something disgusting was slowly climbing up his throat.
"Yeah, so... I... wasn't expecting that, to be honest," the older said and brushed back his silky brown hair.
Kyo shrugged again.
"I guess it would have been easier for you if I just hated your guts," he sighed.
"Maybe," Die mumbled and shifted a little, "but it's not nearly this intriguing."

Kyo pulled up his head and watched the other blankly.
"What do you mean?" he said and felt as drained as his voice was.

"I mean that... I guess it'd be the best idea to just, you know, turn you down and all, tell you I don't bend that way and it'll pass and the band is better off if we don't do anything rushed, but... it's a bit more complicated than that, right? I mean, it's not like you're just going to snap out of it either."

A very irritating flame of hope had made its home in Kyo's chest. He swallowed, pulled the blanket from underneath him to around him and covered himself with it like it could shield him from any future hurt that he might have to suffer through.
"I've tried," he said and his voice was surprisingly calm, "if I could simply snap out of it, I would have done it already. What you said about the band is especially true. Hate is more easily fixed than... what I'm feeling, even if you acted like a total asshole towards me we could never be sure it would work."

Die nodded with a little sound of agreement.
"Truth be told," he said and flashed an apologetic smile at Kyo, "I don't want to turn you down. I'm just watching you there and for fuck's sake... I'm greedy as fuck, aren't I? I mean - I should be an adult and treat you with respect, and instead I just keep thinking about myself and the things I want. So... what do you want?"

Kyo examined the man's features and felt a distinct pain in his chest. What he wanted was visible on every part of him, on his skin, in his expression, in his eyes and in the tone of his voice. He wanted Die, and he wanted him for everything he was and in every way he could have him.
He spoke out in a weak voice, incapable to recognize it for his own.
"You. I want you."

A reasonable person would have added in the doubts he had considering the rationality of going forwards with that want, but he wasn't reasonable, he hadn't been in a while. Now that he was faced with the possibility of having exactly what he longed for, he couldn't resist it. There was nothing in the world that would get in his way if Die himself would accept him and his desires, if Die wanted him, nothing else mattered.
"Yeah... I guess that should be obvious. I'm such an asshole, I'm sorry. I just... I'm watching you there and I know, I fucking well know I should just tell you I can't do it, but... I don't want to. I want to drag on this discussion to eternity as you've already noticed and just hope I don't need to be responsible."

A smile crept on Kyo's face and he looked back down, examining his tattooed hand.

"But... like... I guess I need to say something decisive," Die muttered and his voice was a world away from the light toned, cheerful voice it had been a second ago.

"I guess."

"I... kind of... I noticed when you told me you're... available? That... I sort of... I might - I don't..."
The older's voice died down and seemed frustrated over his incapability of speaking out what he was thinking.

"Do you want me?" Kyo asked, tired of waiting for the blow.
Die looked away, jumped up and started walking around again. His hand was lost in his hair and he seemed to look for the words from the room instead of from inside himself.
"Yeah," he finally said and looked defeated, "yeah, I want you. But I'm afraid I'd fuck it up and ruin everything."

Kyo stood up, too fast for himself to notice he was doing so. He walked up to the other and grabbed the hair the other had been brushing with his hand and forced his lips on Die's.
Die stood there, frozen, his breathing heavy and fast and his heart racing so hard Kyo could feel it through his skin. Finally, he felt the man's hands on his waist and got a reply to his desperate embrace, the older's lips clumsily joining into the kiss. His touch could as well have lit Kyo on fire - he was hurting and he was lusting for more so badly he let a pained sound into the kiss, and to his surprise, Die seemed to be excited by it. The older pushed him back to the bed and came right on top of him, never letting the kiss break, his hands tracing Kyo's body every chance given to them.
Kyo felt them explore his back and his waist and he felt Die's hips pressing against his, sending a flash of mindblowing arousal and pleasure all over him. The other was hardening, he could feel his sex pushing against his own that had been in a similar state for the whole encounter, only discouraged by the fear of Die turning him down and even then it had been momentary. Now, he could feel his erection growing right into its full length, encouraged by that one push only.

Finally, Die seemed to be convinced Kyo was letting him move onwards, and broke the kiss to simply look at the man below him. The expression on his face made Kyo chuckle - Die seemed like he had found a treasure of some sort, like he was viewing a work of art rather than a body he'd seen a thousand times before.
"I've never done anything with a man before," the older muttered and, very much like he didn't even care about what he had just confessed, kissed Kyo's neck.
The singer had just been about to reply to him when he felt the lips on his skin and was rendered voiceless by the overwhelming feeling of them pleasuring one of his most sensitive areas. His hand slipped down their bodies and reached for the heat pressing against his groin, found what he was looking for and gave Die's cock a couple jerks through the fabric of his pants. The older moaned lowly, biting on Kyo's neck playfully.

"It's not very difficult. Do to me what you like done to yourself, it'll probably please me about as much..."

A little sound of agreement reached Kyo's ears and he smirked, pushing his hand against the hardness again. Die's hand appeared nearby his, wrestling open Kyo's belt without much difficulty, which impressed and amused Kyo. He'd clearly been there before, undoing belts singlehandedly and in a haste. As he kept on pleasuring the man the best he could through the cloth, Die opened and started pulling off his jeans, at which point Kyo finally let go of him and helped to rid himself of the jeans. They moved on to do the same for Die and ended up both sitting naked in front of each other.
Kyo felt amazed to feel and see the beautiful, slender man right there so close to him, so real and in a manner he had never witnessed him before. The closest he had ever gotten to this Die was when he had listened him having sex with a beautiful woman Kyo had never seen before or since. They'd been polite enough to take their deal into the bathroom, but it hadn't spared the younger from the voices telling their own tale of how good exactly Die's sex felt.
Kyo knew Die wasn't perfectly alright with his shape and had probably never been, and even now he looked vulnerable and shy like he was expecting Kyo to suddenly decide he wasn't very sexy after all, his arms covering his abdomen and waist from sight. The vocalist licked his lips and leaned closer to the other, reaching out to touch his chest and play with his nipple gently. Die grinned at him, still looking frightened and insecure underneath that familiar expression. Kyo's hand moved down and gently pushed apart the man's hands that were still hiding his body from sight.
"You're beautiful..."

Die let out an unconvinced laughter and shrugged.
"You look a shitload better, though. So now that we're done with the compliments... where to?"
Kyo raised his brows and stared at the man for a little while, forcing Die to chuckle out an intimidated "what!?"
"Are you so damn straightforward with your ladies, too, or is it just me? 'Compliments', as you put it, are an important part of foreplay to some people."
"You included?"
"Perhaps. You have all the power in the world to explore that possibility."

The older looked a little lost, like he really didn't know where to go next. Kyo huffed and smirked, taking his hand in his own and guiding it on his body, leaving it innocently on his chest. Die crawled a little closer and let his other hand press onto the other's waist, leaving it there and instead tracing his skin with the one Kyo had lead there.
His touches made Kyo shiver and he seemed to gain confidence from the way the younger so obviously wanted more of it, leading him again on his back underneath him and leaned to explore his body more with his mouth instead of his hands.
His lips and tongue moved from Kyo's collarbones to his nipple and then the other one, playing about them for a moment before continuing down to his belly and then disappearing soon after passing the navel.
"You know," he mumbled, still close enough for Kyo to feel his breathing on his stomach, "I love the taste of freshly washed skin."

Kyo laughed.
"It's not so freshly washed anymore, I last showered after the show before leaving."
"Fresh enough. Can tell from the way you still taste..."
"Like it?"
"Your taste or your skin?"
"Both of it."
"I do. But don't think I'm going to give you a blowjob, I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet."
"Pity. I could give you one, though. Don't say yes or no, just get the fuck off me if you want it."

Die grinned and rolled on his side next to Kyo.
"Not going to decline that one."

Kyo grinned. He sat up once more and now it was his turn to kiss a trail on Die's body. He explored the parts of him he knew usually worked well on men, from nipples to the sides of his waist, on to his belly and right above his groin on the lower abdomen with his lips and his tongue, staying a bit longer on places he noticed felt best to the other. Reaching the black, thick curls of pubic hair with his lips he pulled back, grabbed the hard dick and guided it towards his mouth. He kissed the head of it, not bothering to make a long introduction to what he was going to do, let his tongue slip out and explored the shaft down first. He kissed the root of it, letting his tongue work a circle there, the licked up by the side of it, allowing the tip entrance through his lips when he reached the top.
Die shivered, letting out a stretched out, quiet moan as Kyo sucked the tip of his erection. The quietness disappeared entirely from the sounds he made as Kyo took more of him into his mouth, reaching soon up to the middle. Beyond that, things were more tricky for him, but he was encouraged to push his limits as Die's moans grew more and more needy and his breathing lost their rythm, becoming desperate gasps and whimpers instead.
He let the cock slip in and out of his mouth, putting his best abilities to use just in case Die needed some sort of convincing in regards to his capabilities as a partner - he wanted with every cell of his body to show Die that if he chose to stay with him, he wouldn't regret it. Sex was the easiest part of it, Kyo knew he was good at it. This was one of the things he did best.
The twitching of Die's sex let Kyo know fairly easily how close he was to release. He pulled up and massaged the hard, slippery member with his hand while he sought out Die's eyes and locked them for contact. He couldn't hold onto it for long - the dark eyes closed soon again as Die's hip bumped hard against his hand, his mouth opening into a shriek that never came out as he released all over Kyo's hand and his own stomach. Kyo found himself grinning, he couldn't have performed bad if he could cause that sort of a reaction in the older man.

It took a moment for Die to regain his senses.
"Wow," he breathed out and laughed, hand sweeping across his stomach to gather up the cum spread on his skin.
Kyo had just reached out for paper to clean his hands with and offered it to Die, who wiped his hands and seemed somewhat disgusted by not being able to wash his hands right away.
Kyo grunted.
"I forgot to ask you if you're clean, but I hope you are."

Die stared at him for a moment, gathering himself up from the bed and sitting to watch Kyo.
"I am," he finally said in a serious tone, "I wouldn't be risking your health. I was tested before we left here and haven't slept with anyone since, as you probably noticed by how easy I was."
His serious tone lifted during the last few words, a grin appearing to top them.
"You were amazing, though."
It was Kyo's turn to grin. His hand reached up to his own dick, jerking at it slowly. He didn't seem to be paying attention to this, but Die certainly was - he watched curiously as Kyo pleasured himself.
"You make that look natural and damn unembarrassing. I wouldn't have the guts to jerk off while someone's watching, really," he said in a respectful tone that made Kyo laugh.
"It is pretty natural, especially as you're not doing anything about it," he said and bit his lip with a very seducing expression on his face - a completely unplanned reaction to the other's words.

Die frowned at him, still seeming quite amused.
"You actually need someone else to do that for you? Seems like you're enjoying yourself quite much already."

Kyo grabbed the man's soft hair and pulled him up to him, forcing another kiss upon his lips. He felt the man grinning, but also reaching for his dick and pushing away the younger's hand. Kyo moaned when he felt the tight grasp of the other's around his throbbing length, simply letting him work him now that it had gotten to this point. He rocked his hips into the grip and let the waves of pleasure take over him, holding onto Die and feeling him there as he felt coming closer to his own climax. Die was pretty good with his hand, using pressure of each finger to add into the pleasure like only a guitarist would think of doing. That observation made Kyo chuckle, but Die didn't seem to notice, and it was perfect that way - the more he got used to touching Kyo, the more decisive and natural his touches became. Kyo let his head fall back as he felt the pleasure override every other sensation of his body. He heard the sound he made but couldn't make out much of it before it was drowned by the final, strong wave of bliss that forced him leaning onto Die and gasping for air. His arms had reached around the slim man and he was breathing in Die's hair to his open mouth.
His whole body was trembling, and Die was holding him against himself with both hands - Kyo hadn't got an idea when he had let go of his cock, but he was happy for the manner reality greeted him as he resurfaced into it. He wanted to say something, anything, to let Die know how good he had felt, but he had no words, and Die didn't seem to be in a dire need for any either.
Slowly, the guitarist pushed him back and examined him with a calm expression on his face, smiling faintly.
Kyo couldn't hold back a smirk, reaching out for another paper to clean them up with.
They fell asleep in an embrace, having barely had the strength left to lift the blanket.