What is there to talk about? You fucked up, and now I'm here cleaning up your mess. Again. I'm hungover, I can't speak, and I haven't slept. There's nothing to say.
I could ask you the same thing. I wouldn't make a deal unless I knew I could handle it. I'm not going to die, the world's not going to end, everything is going to be fine.
Because it's not fucking about you, Tom! When you make a deal like this, it affects everyone. The founders of Shepherd's Glen could handle it, too, but shit went to hell there anyway. Yeah, maybe you can handle it now. But one day Discordia's going to ask you for her shit and you won't be able to pay her anymore, for one reason or another. What happens then?
And what about me? You're even more fucked up now because of this stupid deal. Because of me. Don't I have enough terrible shit in the world to blame on myself? But now you have to go and pile more shit on top of that? You run around acting like you've got some big debt to pay to me, but I never fixed you. You're still fucked up, and you're still broken, and if anything, I just made it worse.Look
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I'm gonna go to Hell one way or another. I just wanted something good to come out of it.
You're like a brother to me, hell I love you, Alex. I'd do anything to make sure you're alright because that's what family does. That's what you are to me.
Now, I'm fucked and I know it. I'm sorry, but it was worth it and if it wasn't this, it's going to be something else. Why do you think I didn't tell you in the first place?
If I was really that close to you, then you would know why I can't accept this. You'd understand why I'm forcing it away and why it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I would rather go back to the hospital, get the shit shocked out of me every day, and be shot up with every drug imaginable before I ever accepted help from one of the gods. If I had to kill myself every day until the end of time just to get peace of mind, it's still a better alternative. If you can't understand that, then you can't understand anything about me, and we can't be brothers.
I'm sorry. But I'm not going to sit around while you take hit after hit because of my fucked up ass while these stupid gods get exactly what they want. I'm just not.
Yeah, let me just turn a blind eye to the exact same shit that destroyed my life before I was even born, ripped my family apart, and killed everyone I've ever known. I went crazy in the first place because of this shit, Tom. Why would I ever be okay with it? Because the intentions behind it were good? Yeah, well, I'm sorry, but the intentions behind the original deal were good, too. Or maybe I could just ignore the fact that you're even worse off now because of me. Sorry, but no. You're one of the last people I ever wanted to see suffer on my behalf, and look where we're standing now. It's my fault, and I'm the one who has to live with it.
He's kinda telling the truth?tom_hannigerSeptember 24 2009, 07:06:04 UTC
Why are you always so eager to be blamed for everything? It's not your fault. It's never been your fault but you always pull it back on yourself. I don't know why, but you do. And how do you know Discordia will go back on her word anyway? sure, she's not Ihy, but do you even remember Atra?
I'm not worse off, I'm fine. Better even.
Discordia didn't take my dreams. Not all of them. They're just different.
Because that's what they fucking do, Tom! All of them, they're all the same! Ihy went back on his word and fucked you over, too! He gave you that bracelet because it was supposed to help you. It was supposed to protect people. But it didn't. It fucking broke -- if it ever even worked at all -- and people still got hurt! The fact that you can't see just how much they're playing you just makes you an even bigger idiot!
It is my fault, because without me, you wouldn't be stuck in this shit to begin with. Don't even fucking try to pull this shit that you're better than before, because you're not. I can't live with what you did, Tom. Not comfortably. It's wrong, and it feels wrong, and there's some kind of darkness in me at all times that I can't even identify that definitely wasn't there before. And when Discordia's done with you, she's going to go right to me, because now I owe her, too. You fucked us both
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strikes deletedtom_hannigerSeptember 24 2009, 07:24:51 UTC
Playing me? You're really going there? Fine. I'm an idiot for wanting to be normal. And I'm an idiot for not having any other choice. It's not like I can just go check myself in somewhere, I was making due with the resources I had. I'm dangerous. I'm desperate. You keep talking like my soul is worth something.
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Just let me do this for you. Please.
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And what about me? You're even more fucked up now because of this stupid deal. Because of me. Don't I have enough terrible shit in the world to blame on myself? But now you have to go and pile more shit on top of that? You run around acting like you've got some big debt to pay to me, but I never fixed you. You're still fucked up, and you're still broken, and if anything, I just made it worse.Look ( ... )
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You're like a brother to me, hell I love you, Alex. I'd do anything to make sure you're alright because that's what family does. That's what you are to me.
Now, I'm fucked and I know it. I'm sorry, but it was worth it and if it wasn't this, it's going to be something else. Why do you think I didn't tell you in the first place?
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I'm sorry. But I'm not going to sit around while you take hit after hit because of my fucked up ass while these stupid gods get exactly what they want. I'm just not.
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You know, they're really not that bad. The dreams. Elle probably told you.
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What? No. She didn't.
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I'm not worse off, I'm fine. Better even.
Discordia didn't take my dreams. Not all of them. They're just different.
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It is my fault, because without me, you wouldn't be stuck in this shit to begin with. Don't even fucking try to pull this shit that you're better than before, because you're not. I can't live with what you did, Tom. Not comfortably. It's wrong, and it feels wrong, and there's some kind of darkness in me at all times that I can't even identify that definitely wasn't there before. And when Discordia's done with you, she's going to go right to me, because now I owe her, too. You fucked us both ( ... )
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What do you mean darkness? What darkness?
I'll tell you later.
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