face

[tolldog]

i saw your face today
for the first time in i don't know how long
and its been too long
its been way too long

my first thought
was remorse
not for what we had and lost
but for what we never had
for how i barely knew you
how i had only gone so deep
never exploring your beautiful and complex makeup

i am sorry
i truly am
words fail to express this sorrow
i wish i had gone deeper
i wish i had allowed us to be closer
i wish i had gone the extra mile
not because i think things would be different
not because i think that would had saved us
but only because you deserved that
and so much more

i can't kick myself forever
over should have beens
and scream mulligan every time i fail
all i can do is own up to my faults
and learn
and move on

so
i guess in more ways than you can imagine
you helped me
and are still helping me
you will always be a part of me
forever locked away
keeping a small section of my heart warm
and a small section of my brain churning
they are yours
and will always be
you deserve that much
and so much more

these pages of life
can't be unturned
or unwritten
what is on them
will always be on them
but the following pages are empty
waiting to be filled
may i do a better job

the bitterness and pain
those are passing
temporal things
your image outlasts them
forever in my mind
and when the waves of regret and remorse pass
a smile returns to my face
and the tears dry
and i move on

remember you are beautiful
both inside and out
and that you have touched me
to me
that is what matters most

i saw your face today
and it reminded me
of everything i was
and am
and will be

thank you