The first evening of the year
Name: The first evening of the year
Pairing: Totsuka/Hashimoto
Rating: G
Beta: damagea
A/N: A companion fic for this. Another drabble-ish thing, this time from Totsuka's PoV. I recommend reading that other fic first since chronologically its story happens before this one. :'3
- - -
It’s not any kind of a surprise. Totsuka has always known it would eventually happen and all the signs have been visible for a good while already. And yet, when the day comes, the realization forces him to stop and just look at Hashimoto to make sure he isn’t imagining.
The awkward, over-grown kid Hashimoto once was simply doesn’t exist anymore. The boy has grown up and become a stunning, lean, and skillful young man. There’s no way Hashimoto’s anywhere near being an adult yet but Totsuka knows it won’t take many years before he definitely will be one.
Thinking about Hashimoto - the cute baby-faced Z of their unit - growing up like that makes Totsuka smile but also feel a bit unsure.
-
Hashimoto’s concentrating on his dance practice. He bites his lower lip as he has always done when trying to learn new moves and Totsuka can’t help staring at him. It makes Totsuka feel guilty, and he feels even guiltier when he realizes he definitely isn’t feeling guilty enough. Hashimoto might be illegally handsome and almost of age (instead of being an adorable jailbait he used to be) but it still feels somewhat wrong to think about Hashimoto like this.
He doesn’t think about anything dirty. At least not very often.
It’s just that sometimes even looking at Hashimoto makes Totsuka’s hands shake and his heart twist in his chest. It hurts in the same way as seeing something you really want but can never get makes you feel.
The best and the worst is whenever Hashimoto smiles straight at him or touches him.
Hashimoto smiles a lot and touches him often.
Well, nobody ever said life should be easy anyway.
-
One night Totsuka is close, so close to telling Hashimoto how he feels. He has just stopped the car in front of the Hashimoto family’s door when he suddenly feels like he can’t keep the words inside of him anymore. Totsuka stops himself in time but for some reason he doesn’t feel as relieved as he should. To tell the truth, he might actually feel more disappointed than anything else.
He wants Hashimoto to know. He wants it so much it hurts.
-
The first day of the new year is nearly gone. It has been a long and a tiring day with Johnny’s Countdown last night and the first day of Takizawa Kakumei at Imperial Theatre but Totsuka is not complaining. The day has also been a great fun, and Hashimoto makes it even better by waiting for him next to his car when Totsuka finally gets out from the back door of the theater.
“How did you like it?” Totsuka asks even though he knows the answer.
“It was amazing,” Hashimoto answers, and flashes Totsuka a soft, tired smile. It has been a long day for Hashimoto, too, Totsuka realizes and glances at the young man, worried.
“Are you all right?”
“Of course I am. I’m not a child anymore you know.”
“I know.” He definitely knows.
They sit in the car together, enjoying the familiar, comfortable silence between them until Totsuka parks his car on the roadside in front of Hashimoto’s home.
Hashimoto thanks him for the drive like he always does.
Totsuka shakes his head and smiles like he always does.
Like always, there is a short moment of silence.
Then Hashimoto looks up at Totsuka and smiles a bit. There’s something sad in the young man’s smile and brown eyes, and Totsuka feels his heart painfully swelling inside his chest. He can’t take it anymore. He just can’t.
“Tottsu?” Hashimoto’s voice is thin when Totsuka reaches his hand to brush his fingers over Hashimoto’s cheek.
“Shh. Just… I don’t know. Just shut up.” Totsuka shakes his head and cups Hashimoto’s face with his palm. “Now, don’t freak out. It’s just that I really, really like you.”
Hashimoto doesn’t freak out, not even close. And a few minutes later, when Totsuka starts his car and glances at the rear mirror, he sees Hashimoto standing on the pavement and smiling like he never has before.
Totsuka licks his lower lip where the short touch of Hashimoto’s lips is still tingling warmly. No matter how unsure and guilty he has been feeling lately, it all has vanished now.
- - -
Pairing: Totsuka/Hashimoto
Rating: G
Beta: damagea
A/N: A companion fic for this. Another drabble-ish thing, this time from Totsuka's PoV. I recommend reading that other fic first since chronologically its story happens before this one. :'3
- - -
It’s not any kind of a surprise. Totsuka has always known it would eventually happen and all the signs have been visible for a good while already. And yet, when the day comes, the realization forces him to stop and just look at Hashimoto to make sure he isn’t imagining.
The awkward, over-grown kid Hashimoto once was simply doesn’t exist anymore. The boy has grown up and become a stunning, lean, and skillful young man. There’s no way Hashimoto’s anywhere near being an adult yet but Totsuka knows it won’t take many years before he definitely will be one.
Thinking about Hashimoto - the cute baby-faced Z of their unit - growing up like that makes Totsuka smile but also feel a bit unsure.
-
Hashimoto’s concentrating on his dance practice. He bites his lower lip as he has always done when trying to learn new moves and Totsuka can’t help staring at him. It makes Totsuka feel guilty, and he feels even guiltier when he realizes he definitely isn’t feeling guilty enough. Hashimoto might be illegally handsome and almost of age (instead of being an adorable jailbait he used to be) but it still feels somewhat wrong to think about Hashimoto like this.
He doesn’t think about anything dirty. At least not very often.
It’s just that sometimes even looking at Hashimoto makes Totsuka’s hands shake and his heart twist in his chest. It hurts in the same way as seeing something you really want but can never get makes you feel.
The best and the worst is whenever Hashimoto smiles straight at him or touches him.
Hashimoto smiles a lot and touches him often.
Well, nobody ever said life should be easy anyway.
-
One night Totsuka is close, so close to telling Hashimoto how he feels. He has just stopped the car in front of the Hashimoto family’s door when he suddenly feels like he can’t keep the words inside of him anymore. Totsuka stops himself in time but for some reason he doesn’t feel as relieved as he should. To tell the truth, he might actually feel more disappointed than anything else.
He wants Hashimoto to know. He wants it so much it hurts.
-
The first day of the new year is nearly gone. It has been a long and a tiring day with Johnny’s Countdown last night and the first day of Takizawa Kakumei at Imperial Theatre but Totsuka is not complaining. The day has also been a great fun, and Hashimoto makes it even better by waiting for him next to his car when Totsuka finally gets out from the back door of the theater.
“How did you like it?” Totsuka asks even though he knows the answer.
“It was amazing,” Hashimoto answers, and flashes Totsuka a soft, tired smile. It has been a long day for Hashimoto, too, Totsuka realizes and glances at the young man, worried.
“Are you all right?”
“Of course I am. I’m not a child anymore you know.”
“I know.” He definitely knows.
They sit in the car together, enjoying the familiar, comfortable silence between them until Totsuka parks his car on the roadside in front of Hashimoto’s home.
Hashimoto thanks him for the drive like he always does.
Totsuka shakes his head and smiles like he always does.
Like always, there is a short moment of silence.
Then Hashimoto looks up at Totsuka and smiles a bit. There’s something sad in the young man’s smile and brown eyes, and Totsuka feels his heart painfully swelling inside his chest. He can’t take it anymore. He just can’t.
“Tottsu?” Hashimoto’s voice is thin when Totsuka reaches his hand to brush his fingers over Hashimoto’s cheek.
“Shh. Just… I don’t know. Just shut up.” Totsuka shakes his head and cups Hashimoto’s face with his palm. “Now, don’t freak out. It’s just that I really, really like you.”
Hashimoto doesn’t freak out, not even close. And a few minutes later, when Totsuka starts his car and glances at the rear mirror, he sees Hashimoto standing on the pavement and smiling like he never has before.
Totsuka licks his lower lip where the short touch of Hashimoto’s lips is still tingling warmly. No matter how unsure and guilty he has been feeling lately, it all has vanished now.
- - -