[fanfic] Rainy Day
Title: Rainy Day
Chapters: One-shot
Genre: romance, slight angst
Ratings: PG
Pairing: SagaxShou
Disclaimer: I don't own them; they own me 8D
A/N: My first alice nine. fanfic! XD this deserves a celebration. inspired by Ayumi's Rainy Day (one of my fav songs ever).
Rainy Day
The drizzle was light.
Saga increased his pace slightly, with Shou at his side, footsteps pattering along hurriedly in an effort to catch up with Saga’s longer strides.
Raindrops were sprinkled lightly on Saga’s ruffled blonde mane, and several drops glistened on his high cheekbones. In that gloomy afternoon shower, Saga seemed to glow prettily, like a quiet light in the dim, lifeless street.
Shou couldn’t stop himself from stealing glances. Who could? Saga was undoubtedly a beautiful man, but in Shou’s eyes he was the epitome of perfection. It wasn’t only about his appearance. Saga might exude a laidback, perhaps slightly aloof attitude, and a cool appearance, but Shou had always felt that glow from within him. The glow he always wished he could be a part of.
The sky grew uncharacteristically darker, and a distant rumble of thunder echoed in the skies, the Rain God’s warning to the storm that was about to come.
Shou felt like crying. The raindrops splattered across his cheeks, and he dipped his head down, biting his lip to hold back the tears threatening to fall.
It seemed that on the few occasions Shou was alone with Saga, it would always rain. Shou could only forlornly wonder if that were an omen of worse to come, or an indication from heaven - of hopelessness and the forbidden.
It was forbidden, a love that could not be ignited, a love that would always be caught in the storm; a flame so small and weak it could easily perish under a raindrop; a cry that could not fight the lolling thunder and laughter of the gales.
They were silent. So silent it hurt, chilling Shou to the bone the same way the cold air did.
Why could they not talk?
Shou often found himself unable to speak normally or voice his thoughts when the two of them were alone together, and Saga… well, Saga probably wasn’t interested to speak with him anyway, or he simply didn’t have much to say.
A loud clap of thunder announced the arrival of the fated storm, and the heavens opened up amidst multiple flashes of lightning to release a heavy torrent, sending their watery knights in a determined mission to cleanse the earth with all but signs of slowing down.
The rain came down hard and fast, and Saga turned to grab Shou’s elbow.
“We’ve got to run,” he said, his voice gentle but firm.
Shou shook his arm free and shook his head silently.
“Shou?” Saga stopped in his tracks, surprised at Shou’s uncharacteristic behaviour.
“You… go ahead,” Shou spoke haltingly, his head still bowed, averting Saga’s confused eyes.
“What are you talking about?” Saga asked. “We can’t stay in this storm any longer - and we’ve got to meet the rest for dinner; Nao just sent me a text telling me they’re all there and waiting for us already and-”
“-I…I just want to take a walk,” Shou said, plastering a half-smile on his pale-looking face.
“A walk!?” Saga blinked incredulously, then shielded his eyes from the rain with his hand. “Come on, Shou, stop fooling around. We really need to get going!”
Shou continued to stand there silently, and Saga ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He looked around and spied a bus shelter a short distance away, and proceeded to dash towards it, dragging Shou by the arm.
“Shou, what’s going on?” Saga spoke when they were finally out of the pour, albeit soaked right to the skin. Before either of them could say another word, though, Saga’s cellphone rang.
“Hello? Nao? I’m sorry, we got caught in the rain. It’s totally pouring!” He paused. “Mm. That’s fine. You guys go ahead, we’ll join you a little later. I think we should probably wait till it’s less heavy; right now we can barely see where we’re walking. Yep okay. See you.”
Saga flicked his phone close and turned back to Shou, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “You might as well tell me since we’re going to be stuck here for a while.”
Shou shook his head again. He wanted to just plaster a smile on his face and apologize for his odd behaviour, to just laugh it off and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t… but he just felt so tired, and too down to do anything.
“I’m sorry, Saga,” he spoke softly, barely audible above the pouring rain and howling winds. “I’m just… not in the mood today. I want to cheer up and have fun with you guys… but I just can’t. Not today. I-I don’t even know what I’m saying…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Saga said, taking a step closer and touching Shou’s shoulder gently. His initial frustration gave way to genuine concern when he heard saw how upset Shou really was. His friend had always been a bundle of positive energy with an infectious smile, but right now Saga couldn’t even see a shadow of the happier Shou. “If you aren’t in the mood, don’t force yourself.”
Shou exhaled and stared out of the shelter at the seemingly never-ending downpour, his eyes glazed over. A single tear escaped from the corner of his eye.
Saga let out a soft gasp. “Shou!” He was rooted to the ground, unsure of what to do or say.
“Sorry,” Shou mumbled, hastily brushing away the stray tear with the back of his hand. “Just…leave me alone.”
If it had been anyone but Shou, Saga might have considered, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t leave the bandmate who meant so much to him.
“Shou… tell me what’s wrong,” Saga said, reaching for his shoulder again.
Shou flinched under Saga’s touch. “Don’t.” It was a whimper; a plea.
Saga withdrew his touch, somewhat hurt. He didn’t know what or why, but Shou had always been special to him. Maybe it was the habitual squints that flitted across Shou’s face when he talked; maybe it was the endearing way he treated all his bandmates; or perhaps it was his warm smile and radiant energy; or it could just be his round eyes with infinite depths that never failed to draw Saga closer and deeper into him. Saga knew he probably shouldn’t be thinking along such lines at a time like this, but he was unable to stop himself.
“I’m not leaving you alone here, Shou.” His voice was determined.
For some reason the sentence only served to make Shou’s pale face and puffy eyes more aggravated as tears spilled down again.
“Don’t do this to me, Saga,” Shou sobbed, almost begging.
Saga reeled back, frightened. What had he done to hurt Shou so badly?
“I-I’m sorry,” he spoke awkwardly. “I just… Oh, Shou, please don’t cry,” he murmured, his heart breaking at the sight. Shou never failed to draw out the deepest emotions from him. Saga had been surprised at himself when he first realized he felt for the man, but had long resigned from that thought because… well, simply because. But that didn’t mean he stopped caring about him. More than anything, he wanted Shou to be happy.
“Is it something I did? Please, talk to me,” he begged, wanting to reach out and put his arms around the distraught man. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Shou’s head snapped around to face him. “Fine. You want to know what’s wrong?” he said agitatedly. “It’s you, Saga. You’re what’s wrong.”
Saga’s eyes widened and he felt a stab of pain going through his chest. “Why?”
Shou dropped his head into his hands. He drew in a shuddering breath, and started crying in earnest.
The tears kept falling, steady as the rain.
He cried and cried, letting out all the pain he had kept so tightly locked deep inside of him.
Saga could not be more shocked. Shou’s tears, his cries… god, it all pierced through him, wrecked him apart. He couldn’t take it any longer.
In two strides he was in front of the man, and without a word he pulled Shou into his arms, embracing him wholly and strongly, wanting to absorb away all the pain. Pain that he had caused.
Shou gasped, his cries caught in his throat. Saga!? What was he doing?
“I can’t bear to see you like that,” Saga murmured into his hair, one hand stroking his back comfortingly. “Forgive me. Just let me hold you for a while, won’t you? Cry if you must.”
Shou closed his eyes, and he let himself lean into Saga, encircling his arms around Saga’s slim waist, taking in what little body heat Saga could offer in the freezing atmosphere.
“Oh, Saga… you don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,” Shou whispered, his resolve breaking. “I’ve dreamt of this… of you holding me… for so, so long, that it hurts.”
Now it was Saga’s turn to freeze up. Was he hearing right?
“I’m sorry,” Shou continued, his face buried between the crook of Saga’s neck and shoulder. “I never should have said this, I know I shouldn’t… it’s just been kept inside for so long I can barely take it. I just…wanted you so much. I don’t know what’s going to happen from now, but I just know I can’t deny this feeling for you, no matter if they say it’s forbidden.”
He drew his head back and tilted his face to look directly into Saga’s eyes. For the first time, he felt a hint of courage. After all, he’d already come this far. “Please, Saga, please understand. Please don’t dislike me after this. I promise, I won’t do anything or tell anyone. I’m fine with you just treating me the way you always have, just don’t ever push me away because-”
Shou’s babble was interrupted by Saga’s lips pressed against his own.
Too surprised to even react, Shou could only stare as Saga drew back a second later.
“Sorry,” Saga blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not really good with words you see, so I think it’s just… uh, more obvious that way.”
Shou’s mouth dropped open and his eyes grew even bigger than they already were.
Saga reached over and ruffled Shou’s hair. “I’m sorry, Shou. I didn’t know. God, if I knew… I wouldn’t have had to suppress my feelings for so long. It’s been agonizing for me too, you know.”
Suddenly Shou broke into a laugh, his face lighting up with the smile Saga feared he wouldn’t be able to see again.
“Oh, Saga,” Shou said, half-laughing and half-crying out of relief and anger. He beat his fists again Saga’s chest. “Why didn’t you tell me!”
“How could I? Shou… you’re going through the exact same thing, you should know. Loving someone you can’t love… and not being able to confess because you aren’t sure…”
Shou stopped the punching and looked up at Saga’s face again, this time a smile on his lips.
“God,” he whispered, a new rush of emotions flowing through him, both of relief and newfound ecstasy.
“You called?” Saga asked mischievously, igniting another laugh from Shou. His expression turned serious, and he cupped Shou’s face with his hand. “I’m sorry you had to keep all this to yourself, baby… About us… I’m sure the band will understand. We just have to be more careful in public. Right now… I don’t care what other people think, or what they say. I only care about you.”
Shou smiled, a blush spreading down from his face to his neck. Going from feeling completely distraught and depressed, to pure bliss and excitement, made him giddy in the head. Wordlessly, he pulled Saga closer to him, kissing him softly, conveying to him without words how he felt. Kissing Saga… he never thought it’d be possible, and he never knew it felt that good. He yearned for Saga so much… the kiss deepened evidently, the both of them needing to feel one another more intimately after so long.
Shou sighed against Saga’s lips, tasting heaven. Saga smelled of roses and musk; his mouth warm and sweet like hot cinnamon. So this is what perfection tastes like.
Saga’s fingers found their way to Shou’s ears, rubbing them softly, then behind Shou’s neck. He massaged him gently, calming and soothing the man who’d just gone through an emotional rollercoaster ride. Scents of jasmine wafted gently through the air; Saga was uncertain whether it came from the flowers in the rain, from Shou’s hair and skin, or simply from his imagination. He coaxed Shou’s mouth open gently, and his tongue tasted hot vanilla tinged with honey in the depths of the other man’s mouth.
When they finally broke apart, they were both a little breathless. Shou let himself lean into Saga’s embrace as he turned to stare out at the rain, which had now lightened to a drizzle.
The air was fresh and crisp, and all of nature seemed to glisten in the gentle dance of raindrops.
A rainy day had never looked so beautiful.
Chapters: One-shot
Genre: romance, slight angst
Ratings: PG
Pairing: SagaxShou
Disclaimer: I don't own them; they own me 8D
A/N: My first alice nine. fanfic! XD this deserves a celebration. inspired by Ayumi's Rainy Day (one of my fav songs ever).
Rainy Day
The drizzle was light.
Saga increased his pace slightly, with Shou at his side, footsteps pattering along hurriedly in an effort to catch up with Saga’s longer strides.
Raindrops were sprinkled lightly on Saga’s ruffled blonde mane, and several drops glistened on his high cheekbones. In that gloomy afternoon shower, Saga seemed to glow prettily, like a quiet light in the dim, lifeless street.
Shou couldn’t stop himself from stealing glances. Who could? Saga was undoubtedly a beautiful man, but in Shou’s eyes he was the epitome of perfection. It wasn’t only about his appearance. Saga might exude a laidback, perhaps slightly aloof attitude, and a cool appearance, but Shou had always felt that glow from within him. The glow he always wished he could be a part of.
The sky grew uncharacteristically darker, and a distant rumble of thunder echoed in the skies, the Rain God’s warning to the storm that was about to come.
Shou felt like crying. The raindrops splattered across his cheeks, and he dipped his head down, biting his lip to hold back the tears threatening to fall.
It seemed that on the few occasions Shou was alone with Saga, it would always rain. Shou could only forlornly wonder if that were an omen of worse to come, or an indication from heaven - of hopelessness and the forbidden.
It was forbidden, a love that could not be ignited, a love that would always be caught in the storm; a flame so small and weak it could easily perish under a raindrop; a cry that could not fight the lolling thunder and laughter of the gales.
They were silent. So silent it hurt, chilling Shou to the bone the same way the cold air did.
Why could they not talk?
Shou often found himself unable to speak normally or voice his thoughts when the two of them were alone together, and Saga… well, Saga probably wasn’t interested to speak with him anyway, or he simply didn’t have much to say.
A loud clap of thunder announced the arrival of the fated storm, and the heavens opened up amidst multiple flashes of lightning to release a heavy torrent, sending their watery knights in a determined mission to cleanse the earth with all but signs of slowing down.
The rain came down hard and fast, and Saga turned to grab Shou’s elbow.
“We’ve got to run,” he said, his voice gentle but firm.
Shou shook his arm free and shook his head silently.
“Shou?” Saga stopped in his tracks, surprised at Shou’s uncharacteristic behaviour.
“You… go ahead,” Shou spoke haltingly, his head still bowed, averting Saga’s confused eyes.
“What are you talking about?” Saga asked. “We can’t stay in this storm any longer - and we’ve got to meet the rest for dinner; Nao just sent me a text telling me they’re all there and waiting for us already and-”
“-I…I just want to take a walk,” Shou said, plastering a half-smile on his pale-looking face.
“A walk!?” Saga blinked incredulously, then shielded his eyes from the rain with his hand. “Come on, Shou, stop fooling around. We really need to get going!”
Shou continued to stand there silently, and Saga ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He looked around and spied a bus shelter a short distance away, and proceeded to dash towards it, dragging Shou by the arm.
“Shou, what’s going on?” Saga spoke when they were finally out of the pour, albeit soaked right to the skin. Before either of them could say another word, though, Saga’s cellphone rang.
“Hello? Nao? I’m sorry, we got caught in the rain. It’s totally pouring!” He paused. “Mm. That’s fine. You guys go ahead, we’ll join you a little later. I think we should probably wait till it’s less heavy; right now we can barely see where we’re walking. Yep okay. See you.”
Saga flicked his phone close and turned back to Shou, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “You might as well tell me since we’re going to be stuck here for a while.”
Shou shook his head again. He wanted to just plaster a smile on his face and apologize for his odd behaviour, to just laugh it off and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t… but he just felt so tired, and too down to do anything.
“I’m sorry, Saga,” he spoke softly, barely audible above the pouring rain and howling winds. “I’m just… not in the mood today. I want to cheer up and have fun with you guys… but I just can’t. Not today. I-I don’t even know what I’m saying…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Saga said, taking a step closer and touching Shou’s shoulder gently. His initial frustration gave way to genuine concern when he heard saw how upset Shou really was. His friend had always been a bundle of positive energy with an infectious smile, but right now Saga couldn’t even see a shadow of the happier Shou. “If you aren’t in the mood, don’t force yourself.”
Shou exhaled and stared out of the shelter at the seemingly never-ending downpour, his eyes glazed over. A single tear escaped from the corner of his eye.
Saga let out a soft gasp. “Shou!” He was rooted to the ground, unsure of what to do or say.
“Sorry,” Shou mumbled, hastily brushing away the stray tear with the back of his hand. “Just…leave me alone.”
If it had been anyone but Shou, Saga might have considered, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t leave the bandmate who meant so much to him.
“Shou… tell me what’s wrong,” Saga said, reaching for his shoulder again.
Shou flinched under Saga’s touch. “Don’t.” It was a whimper; a plea.
Saga withdrew his touch, somewhat hurt. He didn’t know what or why, but Shou had always been special to him. Maybe it was the habitual squints that flitted across Shou’s face when he talked; maybe it was the endearing way he treated all his bandmates; or perhaps it was his warm smile and radiant energy; or it could just be his round eyes with infinite depths that never failed to draw Saga closer and deeper into him. Saga knew he probably shouldn’t be thinking along such lines at a time like this, but he was unable to stop himself.
“I’m not leaving you alone here, Shou.” His voice was determined.
For some reason the sentence only served to make Shou’s pale face and puffy eyes more aggravated as tears spilled down again.
“Don’t do this to me, Saga,” Shou sobbed, almost begging.
Saga reeled back, frightened. What had he done to hurt Shou so badly?
“I-I’m sorry,” he spoke awkwardly. “I just… Oh, Shou, please don’t cry,” he murmured, his heart breaking at the sight. Shou never failed to draw out the deepest emotions from him. Saga had been surprised at himself when he first realized he felt for the man, but had long resigned from that thought because… well, simply because. But that didn’t mean he stopped caring about him. More than anything, he wanted Shou to be happy.
“Is it something I did? Please, talk to me,” he begged, wanting to reach out and put his arms around the distraught man. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Shou’s head snapped around to face him. “Fine. You want to know what’s wrong?” he said agitatedly. “It’s you, Saga. You’re what’s wrong.”
Saga’s eyes widened and he felt a stab of pain going through his chest. “Why?”
Shou dropped his head into his hands. He drew in a shuddering breath, and started crying in earnest.
The tears kept falling, steady as the rain.
He cried and cried, letting out all the pain he had kept so tightly locked deep inside of him.
Saga could not be more shocked. Shou’s tears, his cries… god, it all pierced through him, wrecked him apart. He couldn’t take it any longer.
In two strides he was in front of the man, and without a word he pulled Shou into his arms, embracing him wholly and strongly, wanting to absorb away all the pain. Pain that he had caused.
Shou gasped, his cries caught in his throat. Saga!? What was he doing?
“I can’t bear to see you like that,” Saga murmured into his hair, one hand stroking his back comfortingly. “Forgive me. Just let me hold you for a while, won’t you? Cry if you must.”
Shou closed his eyes, and he let himself lean into Saga, encircling his arms around Saga’s slim waist, taking in what little body heat Saga could offer in the freezing atmosphere.
“Oh, Saga… you don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,” Shou whispered, his resolve breaking. “I’ve dreamt of this… of you holding me… for so, so long, that it hurts.”
Now it was Saga’s turn to freeze up. Was he hearing right?
“I’m sorry,” Shou continued, his face buried between the crook of Saga’s neck and shoulder. “I never should have said this, I know I shouldn’t… it’s just been kept inside for so long I can barely take it. I just…wanted you so much. I don’t know what’s going to happen from now, but I just know I can’t deny this feeling for you, no matter if they say it’s forbidden.”
He drew his head back and tilted his face to look directly into Saga’s eyes. For the first time, he felt a hint of courage. After all, he’d already come this far. “Please, Saga, please understand. Please don’t dislike me after this. I promise, I won’t do anything or tell anyone. I’m fine with you just treating me the way you always have, just don’t ever push me away because-”
Shou’s babble was interrupted by Saga’s lips pressed against his own.
Too surprised to even react, Shou could only stare as Saga drew back a second later.
“Sorry,” Saga blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not really good with words you see, so I think it’s just… uh, more obvious that way.”
Shou’s mouth dropped open and his eyes grew even bigger than they already were.
Saga reached over and ruffled Shou’s hair. “I’m sorry, Shou. I didn’t know. God, if I knew… I wouldn’t have had to suppress my feelings for so long. It’s been agonizing for me too, you know.”
Suddenly Shou broke into a laugh, his face lighting up with the smile Saga feared he wouldn’t be able to see again.
“Oh, Saga,” Shou said, half-laughing and half-crying out of relief and anger. He beat his fists again Saga’s chest. “Why didn’t you tell me!”
“How could I? Shou… you’re going through the exact same thing, you should know. Loving someone you can’t love… and not being able to confess because you aren’t sure…”
Shou stopped the punching and looked up at Saga’s face again, this time a smile on his lips.
“God,” he whispered, a new rush of emotions flowing through him, both of relief and newfound ecstasy.
“You called?” Saga asked mischievously, igniting another laugh from Shou. His expression turned serious, and he cupped Shou’s face with his hand. “I’m sorry you had to keep all this to yourself, baby… About us… I’m sure the band will understand. We just have to be more careful in public. Right now… I don’t care what other people think, or what they say. I only care about you.”
Shou smiled, a blush spreading down from his face to his neck. Going from feeling completely distraught and depressed, to pure bliss and excitement, made him giddy in the head. Wordlessly, he pulled Saga closer to him, kissing him softly, conveying to him without words how he felt. Kissing Saga… he never thought it’d be possible, and he never knew it felt that good. He yearned for Saga so much… the kiss deepened evidently, the both of them needing to feel one another more intimately after so long.
Shou sighed against Saga’s lips, tasting heaven. Saga smelled of roses and musk; his mouth warm and sweet like hot cinnamon. So this is what perfection tastes like.
Saga’s fingers found their way to Shou’s ears, rubbing them softly, then behind Shou’s neck. He massaged him gently, calming and soothing the man who’d just gone through an emotional rollercoaster ride. Scents of jasmine wafted gently through the air; Saga was uncertain whether it came from the flowers in the rain, from Shou’s hair and skin, or simply from his imagination. He coaxed Shou’s mouth open gently, and his tongue tasted hot vanilla tinged with honey in the depths of the other man’s mouth.
When they finally broke apart, they were both a little breathless. Shou let himself lean into Saga’s embrace as he turned to stare out at the rain, which had now lightened to a drizzle.
The air was fresh and crisp, and all of nature seemed to glisten in the gentle dance of raindrops.
A rainy day had never looked so beautiful.