Alive (and I'm a Famous Rapper)
pairing: XiuWooTao
genre: crack, humor, fluff'
word count: 2.2k+
rating: pg13 for language
summary: Xiumin gets rapping lessons...from Dongwoo and Tao.
a/n: for baby Satan's birthday~ happy birthday Aleena torontok :*
Title taken from "Handlebars" by Flobots
also I highly recommend checking out the songs mentioned, if you haven't already. :3
"No."
"Minseok."
"Nope."
"Hyung, come on."
"I can't. fucking. do it." Minseok's whines muffled by the couch cushion he buried his face in. "It just comes easier to you guys, okay? I can't do it."
They were supposed to be watching a soccer match on his new TV. Minseok even bought snacks and beer, everything. And somehow, he let slip that he wanted to learn how to rap and suddenly, he was rapping to random songs with the help and guidance of Tao and Dongwoo. He tried Nicki Minaj (Dongwoo enjoyed that, to say the least), he tried E.via (and they all promptly promised to forget it ever happened), he even tried Gangster's Paradise and Shinee World. It wasn't working. At all.
"We can't hear a single thing you're saying. How about you get up--" Dongwoo grunts as he pulled Minseok up to a sitting position "--and try again. This time, let's not use a 4minute song. Cut It Out probably wasn't the right choice for you." Tao perched himself on the arm of the couch. "I have no idea how you managed to make Hyuna sunbaenim sound like Jimin from AOA, but lo and behold..."
"Shut the fuck up, Tao." Dongwoo shot Tao a dirty look as Minseok groaned loudly. "C'mon, Mini. It's not simple but it's not as hard as you're making it out to be. You act like we were born doing this. "
"I don't know what you're talking about. I know I was." Tao said nonchalantly from the other side of the couch, checking his reflection in his phone's camera and getting ready to take a selfie. Dongwoo tossed a cushion at Tao's face, hard enough to push him off the couch onto the floor. "I was obviously joking, assclown." Tao scowled from the floor.
"I know, I know," Minseok exhaled defeatedly. "When you're training, it's one of the classes they offer you, but you guys know singing was my stronger suit."
"Hyung--alright. You know what?" Tao stood up and took Minseok's hands "How about instead of sitting here and "being a bump on a--" whatever the fuck the rest of that line is," Tao pulled Minseok to his feet and walked over the stereo and start hooking up his iPod that he wrung out from his pocket. A smooth beat began to play and Minseok watched as Tao's head bobbed to the beat. "let me and Dongwoo hyung teach you how to fucking rap already?" A grin crept upon Dongwoo's face as Tao brought his hand up to his lips to form an imaginary mic.
the judge yelled for order,
court reporter
makin' her words shorter
his lawyer
sat next to him,
she could see how the trial was affectin' him,
it hurt for her eyes to connect with him,
using her lies for protectin' him
They arrested him
for murder, and gun possession
as they read back her confession
she screamed
The female vocals on the track rang out loudly. Minseok couldn't understand English so he couldn't make out what they were saying. Nonetheless, he was mesmerized by the charismatic maknae in front of him, who was rapping powerfully in a whole 'nother language.
There was no fucking way in Hell he could do this, he thought.
The court awaited as the foreman got the verdict from the bailiff
emotional outbursts, tears and smeared makeup
he stated,
he was guilty on all charges
she shakin' like she took it the hardest
A dark, bitter smile flashes. An incredulous look on his face as Tao begins to gesture wildly.
A spin artist,
she brought her face up laughin'
that's when the prosecutor realized what happened
all that speaking her mind, testifyin' and cryin'
when this bitch did the crime
the Queenpin...
Dongwoo whooped as Tao finished and Minseok clapped with a look of pure awe on his face. "How the hell did you manage to rap in English?" Dongwoo asked as he got up to high-five Tao. "I love this song. I know it by heart. It's by this old school western rapper named Common." Dongwoo nodded in approval before going over to prepare his song. Tao sat down next to Minseok, who looked at him witha quizzical look on his face.
"This song is about a man who's on trial for murder, having a gun illegally and dealing drugs and his wife is crying, crying for a chance to explain and protect her husband. Everyone ignores her and her husband is found guilty and then she stops crying, gets up to leave and starts laughing. That's when everyone in the room finds out that she did the crime and dealt the drugs and they sentenced an innocent man to prison. And they can't retrial because everything's already been done." Tao explains. Minseok's eyes go wide. "Powerful, isn't it? With the right words, rap can be used to do many different things, like telling a story. Rap can stir feelings in someone's heart and it can be any feeling, any emotion at all."
Minseok nodded. Tao and Dongwoo, when they decided to take up the task of teaching Minseok, they also gave him little lessons and tips to carry along. He never imagined that there was so much behind a simple music genre. They never taught him anything like this when he was a trainee; they only taught the bare bone fundamentals--at least, what he thought were the fundamentals. He wasn't so sure about that still.
"But," Dongwoo chimed from the other side of the room while plugging in his own iPod. "rap can also be a tool to just fool around and have fun, among other things." The song kicked in quietly and Dongwoo held up his fingers as he counted.
"1, 2...1, 2, 3--YEAH"
Dongwoo danced around, goofy smile on his face, imaginary mic held in his hand. The music was loud and overwhelming, the beat obnoxiously catchy. Just like Dongwoo, Minseok thought. Dongwoo also rapped in English...or so Minseok thought. The words flew by so fast, Minseok doubted even an English speaker could catch them.
Nope. No way. I definitely can't do this, thought Minseok.
Weather man tellin' us it ain't gon' rain
So now we sittin' in a drop-top, soakin wet
In a silk suit, tryin' not to sweat
Hit somersaults without the net
But this'll be the year that we won't forget
1-9-9-9, Anno Domini, anything goes,
be what you wanna be
Long as you know consequences are given for livin' - the fence is
Too high to jump in jail
Too low to dig, I might just touch hell - HOT!
Get a life, now they on sale
Then I might cast you a spell, look at what came in the mail
A scale and some Arm and Hammer, soul gold grill and a baby mama
Black Cadillac and a pack of Pampers
Stack of question with no answers
Cure for cancer, cure for AIDS
Make a ----- wanna stay on tour for days
Get back home, things are wrong
Well not really, it was bad all along
Before you left, adds up to a ball of power
Thoughts at a thousands miles per hour
Hello, ghetto, let your brain breathe
Believe there's always mo', OWWWW!
Dongwoo finished with a bang and both Minseok and Tao cheered and clapped for him. Dongwoo mockingly curtsied and walked over to the stereo, turning off the music. "That was...incredible. And fast, very...very fast." Minseok felt himself oddly void of breath and filled with questions. "That was Outkast, right? I like Andre's fashion sense." Tao questioned. A cat-like smile of triumph shone on his face when Dongwoo nodded in return. Minseok looked over from Tao to Dongwoo with another confused look on his face that asked for an explanation.
"When you talk about rap or hip-hop, one of the biggest groups would have to be Outkast. They're two guys, Big Boi and Andre 3000, who were childhood friends, like us, and started out hustling and making music. They became incredibly popular and made enough money to support their families." Dongwoo sat back down beside Minseok and began to explain, "Like I said, sometimes rap can be a tool to just fool around and have fun, but sometimes it can also have a message behind it all, meaning behind each word. They were from a poor neighborhood, and when they came home from being on tour, everything was just as shitty as they were when the boys left. They wrote this song for the youth of their neighborhood to not lose their heads and get involved with dumb shit but face their issues head on, to be optimistic that things will get better."
The room grew heavy and silent.
"Dongwoo hyung?" Tao called out after a while.
"Hmm?"
"Stop going out-of-character. It's creeping me out, you being all insightful and shit."
Dongwoo threw another cushion at Tao and knocked over the boy once more. "One day, I'm going to kick your ass." Tao swore. Dongwoo ignored him and gave Minseok a comforting pat on the back, his hand lingering at the small of Minseok's back.
"Can I ask one thing?" Minseok turned to Dongwoo, who shot him a questioning look in return. "What, Mini?"
"How come you paused in the middle for a bit? Was there a bad word or something? You cuss around us all the time." Dongwoo laughed and Minseok sensed it was an uncomfortable one. "In rap and hip-hop songs, black rappers and hip hop artists use a word that we ourselves can't use because it's really racist. Back in the day, people used it against black people to make them feel less than human. But, black people have since reclaimed the term and made it their word. You never want to say this word unless you want to offend fans or really upset people."
"Hoya hyung used that word though." Tao chimed in.
"Hoya's great, but he's also an idiot." Dongwoo shot back.
Minseok and Tao nodded their heads in understanding. Minseok drew a long sigh and finally rose to his feet. He padded over to his stereo, plugged in his iPod and scrolled through the songs until one in particular caught his eye. "Ha. I love this song." Minseok mused to himself.
"Which one?" Dongwoo rang out. "'Clint Eastwood'. By the Gorillaz. It features this one rapper who voices the ghost of the drummer's best friend, who possesses his body." Minseok smiled.
"I want to hear it. I haven't paid much attention to the Gorillaz. Spit a verse or two?" Tao sat back in the sofa, crossing his legs. "Yeah, me too. It couldn't hurt to try. I mean, better than another random ass song, right?" Dongwoo shot a bright, comforting smile at Minseok.
"Yes, encore, Jimin noona--OWW!" Tao's heckle was cut short to a whine. Dongwoo had elbowed his side and Minseok was a little thankful for that, as Tao's jokes weren't doing much for his anxiety.
Minseok scrolled to his favourite verse (the end) and pressed play. He quickly remembered most of the tips he picked up from Dongwoo and Tao within the past few hours and shakily began.
The essence, the basics, without it you make it
Allow me to make this, childlike in nature
Rhythm, you have it or you don't, that's a fallacy
I'm in them, every sprouting tree, every child o' peace
Every cloud and sea, you see with your eyes
I see destruction and demise, corruption in disguise
From this fucking enterprise, now I'm sucked into your lies
Through Russel, not his muscles, but the percussion he provides
Okay, that wasn't so bad. He wavered a bit, his accent slurred some words here and there, but Minseok brushed it off and figured it was just going to happen, since he isn't a native English speaker. Minseok saw Tao and Dongwoo bobbing their heads to the rhythm and he took that as a sign to keep going. He felt his confidence boost at their smiles.
With me as a guide, y'all can see me now cause you don't see with your eye
You perceive with your mind
That's the inner, so I'mma stick around with Russ and be a mentor
Minseok walked up to Tao and gestured cockily, as if he were calling Tao out. Tao laughed out loud.
Bust a few rhymes so motherfuckers remember
Where the thought is, I brought all this
Minseok moved and targeted Dongwoo, not losing a single beat. Dongwoo smirked at the sight of Minseok slowly approaching him.
So you can survive when law is lawless
Feelings, sensations that you thought was dead
Minseok brought his forehead to Dongwoo's, looking straight into his gaze and holding his face in his hands.
No squealing, and remember: that it's all in your head.
Minseok backed up and walked out of Dongwoo's space. Dongwoo and Tao were taken aback, whooping and applauding for Minseok. "Guys, stop. I wasn't that great." Minseok uttered shyly as he turned off the radio and plopped back down on the couch. "You improved though! That was really fucking good for someone who could barely rap without being awkward a couple hours ago!" Tao wrapped his arm around Minseok's shoulder. "Shit, Minseok. I don't know. You could even give Tao a run for his money, man." Dongwoo laughed hard. Tao immediately removed his arm from Minseok's shoulder.
"Hyung, maybe it's time for your graduation from EXO. See if FNC will accept you as the newest member of AO--oof!"
This time, it was Minseok who threw the cushion.
Brat.
a/n: thank you so much for reading!
Please leave a comment if you read!
Hoped you liked it, Aleena and I hope your birthday was pretty bomb af <3
I was so tempted to make Tao or Dongwoo rap "So Fresh So Clean" but that's too predictable :p
genre: crack, humor, fluff'
word count: 2.2k+
rating: pg13 for language
summary: Xiumin gets rapping lessons...from Dongwoo and Tao.
a/n: for baby Satan's birthday~ happy birthday Aleena torontok :*
Title taken from "Handlebars" by Flobots
also I highly recommend checking out the songs mentioned, if you haven't already. :3
"No."
"Minseok."
"Nope."
"Hyung, come on."
"I can't. fucking. do it." Minseok's whines muffled by the couch cushion he buried his face in. "It just comes easier to you guys, okay? I can't do it."
They were supposed to be watching a soccer match on his new TV. Minseok even bought snacks and beer, everything. And somehow, he let slip that he wanted to learn how to rap and suddenly, he was rapping to random songs with the help and guidance of Tao and Dongwoo. He tried Nicki Minaj (Dongwoo enjoyed that, to say the least), he tried E.via (and they all promptly promised to forget it ever happened), he even tried Gangster's Paradise and Shinee World. It wasn't working. At all.
"We can't hear a single thing you're saying. How about you get up--" Dongwoo grunts as he pulled Minseok up to a sitting position "--and try again. This time, let's not use a 4minute song. Cut It Out probably wasn't the right choice for you." Tao perched himself on the arm of the couch. "I have no idea how you managed to make Hyuna sunbaenim sound like Jimin from AOA, but lo and behold..."
"Shut the fuck up, Tao." Dongwoo shot Tao a dirty look as Minseok groaned loudly. "C'mon, Mini. It's not simple but it's not as hard as you're making it out to be. You act like we were born doing this. "
"I don't know what you're talking about. I know I was." Tao said nonchalantly from the other side of the couch, checking his reflection in his phone's camera and getting ready to take a selfie. Dongwoo tossed a cushion at Tao's face, hard enough to push him off the couch onto the floor. "I was obviously joking, assclown." Tao scowled from the floor.
"I know, I know," Minseok exhaled defeatedly. "When you're training, it's one of the classes they offer you, but you guys know singing was my stronger suit."
"Hyung--alright. You know what?" Tao stood up and took Minseok's hands "How about instead of sitting here and "being a bump on a--" whatever the fuck the rest of that line is," Tao pulled Minseok to his feet and walked over the stereo and start hooking up his iPod that he wrung out from his pocket. A smooth beat began to play and Minseok watched as Tao's head bobbed to the beat. "let me and Dongwoo hyung teach you how to fucking rap already?" A grin crept upon Dongwoo's face as Tao brought his hand up to his lips to form an imaginary mic.
the judge yelled for order,
court reporter
makin' her words shorter
his lawyer
sat next to him,
she could see how the trial was affectin' him,
it hurt for her eyes to connect with him,
using her lies for protectin' him
They arrested him
for murder, and gun possession
as they read back her confession
she screamed
The female vocals on the track rang out loudly. Minseok couldn't understand English so he couldn't make out what they were saying. Nonetheless, he was mesmerized by the charismatic maknae in front of him, who was rapping powerfully in a whole 'nother language.
There was no fucking way in Hell he could do this, he thought.
The court awaited as the foreman got the verdict from the bailiff
emotional outbursts, tears and smeared makeup
he stated,
he was guilty on all charges
she shakin' like she took it the hardest
A dark, bitter smile flashes. An incredulous look on his face as Tao begins to gesture wildly.
A spin artist,
she brought her face up laughin'
that's when the prosecutor realized what happened
all that speaking her mind, testifyin' and cryin'
when this bitch did the crime
the Queenpin...
Dongwoo whooped as Tao finished and Minseok clapped with a look of pure awe on his face. "How the hell did you manage to rap in English?" Dongwoo asked as he got up to high-five Tao. "I love this song. I know it by heart. It's by this old school western rapper named Common." Dongwoo nodded in approval before going over to prepare his song. Tao sat down next to Minseok, who looked at him witha quizzical look on his face.
"This song is about a man who's on trial for murder, having a gun illegally and dealing drugs and his wife is crying, crying for a chance to explain and protect her husband. Everyone ignores her and her husband is found guilty and then she stops crying, gets up to leave and starts laughing. That's when everyone in the room finds out that she did the crime and dealt the drugs and they sentenced an innocent man to prison. And they can't retrial because everything's already been done." Tao explains. Minseok's eyes go wide. "Powerful, isn't it? With the right words, rap can be used to do many different things, like telling a story. Rap can stir feelings in someone's heart and it can be any feeling, any emotion at all."
Minseok nodded. Tao and Dongwoo, when they decided to take up the task of teaching Minseok, they also gave him little lessons and tips to carry along. He never imagined that there was so much behind a simple music genre. They never taught him anything like this when he was a trainee; they only taught the bare bone fundamentals--at least, what he thought were the fundamentals. He wasn't so sure about that still.
"But," Dongwoo chimed from the other side of the room while plugging in his own iPod. "rap can also be a tool to just fool around and have fun, among other things." The song kicked in quietly and Dongwoo held up his fingers as he counted.
"1, 2...1, 2, 3--YEAH"
Dongwoo danced around, goofy smile on his face, imaginary mic held in his hand. The music was loud and overwhelming, the beat obnoxiously catchy. Just like Dongwoo, Minseok thought. Dongwoo also rapped in English...or so Minseok thought. The words flew by so fast, Minseok doubted even an English speaker could catch them.
Nope. No way. I definitely can't do this, thought Minseok.
Weather man tellin' us it ain't gon' rain
So now we sittin' in a drop-top, soakin wet
In a silk suit, tryin' not to sweat
Hit somersaults without the net
But this'll be the year that we won't forget
1-9-9-9, Anno Domini, anything goes,
be what you wanna be
Long as you know consequences are given for livin' - the fence is
Too high to jump in jail
Too low to dig, I might just touch hell - HOT!
Get a life, now they on sale
Then I might cast you a spell, look at what came in the mail
A scale and some Arm and Hammer, soul gold grill and a baby mama
Black Cadillac and a pack of Pampers
Stack of question with no answers
Cure for cancer, cure for AIDS
Make a ----- wanna stay on tour for days
Get back home, things are wrong
Well not really, it was bad all along
Before you left, adds up to a ball of power
Thoughts at a thousands miles per hour
Hello, ghetto, let your brain breathe
Believe there's always mo', OWWWW!
Dongwoo finished with a bang and both Minseok and Tao cheered and clapped for him. Dongwoo mockingly curtsied and walked over to the stereo, turning off the music. "That was...incredible. And fast, very...very fast." Minseok felt himself oddly void of breath and filled with questions. "That was Outkast, right? I like Andre's fashion sense." Tao questioned. A cat-like smile of triumph shone on his face when Dongwoo nodded in return. Minseok looked over from Tao to Dongwoo with another confused look on his face that asked for an explanation.
"When you talk about rap or hip-hop, one of the biggest groups would have to be Outkast. They're two guys, Big Boi and Andre 3000, who were childhood friends, like us, and started out hustling and making music. They became incredibly popular and made enough money to support their families." Dongwoo sat back down beside Minseok and began to explain, "Like I said, sometimes rap can be a tool to just fool around and have fun, but sometimes it can also have a message behind it all, meaning behind each word. They were from a poor neighborhood, and when they came home from being on tour, everything was just as shitty as they were when the boys left. They wrote this song for the youth of their neighborhood to not lose their heads and get involved with dumb shit but face their issues head on, to be optimistic that things will get better."
The room grew heavy and silent.
"Dongwoo hyung?" Tao called out after a while.
"Hmm?"
"Stop going out-of-character. It's creeping me out, you being all insightful and shit."
Dongwoo threw another cushion at Tao and knocked over the boy once more. "One day, I'm going to kick your ass." Tao swore. Dongwoo ignored him and gave Minseok a comforting pat on the back, his hand lingering at the small of Minseok's back.
"Can I ask one thing?" Minseok turned to Dongwoo, who shot him a questioning look in return. "What, Mini?"
"How come you paused in the middle for a bit? Was there a bad word or something? You cuss around us all the time." Dongwoo laughed and Minseok sensed it was an uncomfortable one. "In rap and hip-hop songs, black rappers and hip hop artists use a word that we ourselves can't use because it's really racist. Back in the day, people used it against black people to make them feel less than human. But, black people have since reclaimed the term and made it their word. You never want to say this word unless you want to offend fans or really upset people."
"Hoya hyung used that word though." Tao chimed in.
"Hoya's great, but he's also an idiot." Dongwoo shot back.
Minseok and Tao nodded their heads in understanding. Minseok drew a long sigh and finally rose to his feet. He padded over to his stereo, plugged in his iPod and scrolled through the songs until one in particular caught his eye. "Ha. I love this song." Minseok mused to himself.
"Which one?" Dongwoo rang out. "'Clint Eastwood'. By the Gorillaz. It features this one rapper who voices the ghost of the drummer's best friend, who possesses his body." Minseok smiled.
"I want to hear it. I haven't paid much attention to the Gorillaz. Spit a verse or two?" Tao sat back in the sofa, crossing his legs. "Yeah, me too. It couldn't hurt to try. I mean, better than another random ass song, right?" Dongwoo shot a bright, comforting smile at Minseok.
"Yes, encore, Jimin noona--OWW!" Tao's heckle was cut short to a whine. Dongwoo had elbowed his side and Minseok was a little thankful for that, as Tao's jokes weren't doing much for his anxiety.
Minseok scrolled to his favourite verse (the end) and pressed play. He quickly remembered most of the tips he picked up from Dongwoo and Tao within the past few hours and shakily began.
The essence, the basics, without it you make it
Allow me to make this, childlike in nature
Rhythm, you have it or you don't, that's a fallacy
I'm in them, every sprouting tree, every child o' peace
Every cloud and sea, you see with your eyes
I see destruction and demise, corruption in disguise
From this fucking enterprise, now I'm sucked into your lies
Through Russel, not his muscles, but the percussion he provides
Okay, that wasn't so bad. He wavered a bit, his accent slurred some words here and there, but Minseok brushed it off and figured it was just going to happen, since he isn't a native English speaker. Minseok saw Tao and Dongwoo bobbing their heads to the rhythm and he took that as a sign to keep going. He felt his confidence boost at their smiles.
With me as a guide, y'all can see me now cause you don't see with your eye
You perceive with your mind
That's the inner, so I'mma stick around with Russ and be a mentor
Minseok walked up to Tao and gestured cockily, as if he were calling Tao out. Tao laughed out loud.
Bust a few rhymes so motherfuckers remember
Where the thought is, I brought all this
Minseok moved and targeted Dongwoo, not losing a single beat. Dongwoo smirked at the sight of Minseok slowly approaching him.
So you can survive when law is lawless
Feelings, sensations that you thought was dead
Minseok brought his forehead to Dongwoo's, looking straight into his gaze and holding his face in his hands.
No squealing, and remember: that it's all in your head.
Minseok backed up and walked out of Dongwoo's space. Dongwoo and Tao were taken aback, whooping and applauding for Minseok. "Guys, stop. I wasn't that great." Minseok uttered shyly as he turned off the radio and plopped back down on the couch. "You improved though! That was really fucking good for someone who could barely rap without being awkward a couple hours ago!" Tao wrapped his arm around Minseok's shoulder. "Shit, Minseok. I don't know. You could even give Tao a run for his money, man." Dongwoo laughed hard. Tao immediately removed his arm from Minseok's shoulder.
"Hyung, maybe it's time for your graduation from EXO. See if FNC will accept you as the newest member of AO--oof!"
This time, it was Minseok who threw the cushion.
Brat.
a/n: thank you so much for reading!
Please leave a comment if you read!
Hoped you liked it, Aleena and I hope your birthday was pretty bomb af <3
I was so tempted to make Tao or Dongwoo rap "So Fresh So Clean" but that's too predictable :p