help me? ♥
Uni app is due on Wednesday, and I need need need to revise the bio section before I turn it in. Damn thing's a little over 1k (yeah, since when did Sanada talk so much?), and I'd really really really appreciate it if you guys could give me some concrit on this. I'm not looking for characterization help at all, just - general flow, mostly; grammar, excessive compound sentences (Jesus Christ), repetition, or things I may have glossed over / not explained well (aside from the total vagueness about the rest of Rikkai; I don't really have a lot of room, there).
Please and thanks, guys?
When Gen'ichirou began playing tennis in junior high, at the behest of Yukimura Seiichi, his plan was to quit tennis before highschool. That was always the plan; his father generally disapproved of putting so much weight on something so frivolous as tennis, and so did Gen'ichirou. After Rikkaidai's loss in Nationals at the end of junior high and Yukimura's subsequent retirement from the tennis circuit, Gen'ichirou made an uncharacteristically rebellious (in his father's opinion) decision: to continue playing tennis until his highschool graduation. It was a decision that went directly against his father's wishes - Daiken wanted him to drop tennis and focus more on his studies and on kendou. Gen'ichirou's older brother, Mamoru, had already failed to measure up to his father's wishes in some ways; in other ways, he'd exceeded them when he moved to America to start his own business. Regardless, this left the pressure of carrying on family tradition solely on Gen'ichirou's shoulders. Daiken couldn't understand how much tennis meant to him, but he understood, at least, that it was important - important enough for Gen'ichirou to defy him, which said something - and so they were able to come to an agreement that diverted potential disaster. Gen'ichirou would stop playing tennis when he graduated highschool, attend a college of his father's choosing, and major in Business Management in preparation for taking over the family dojo.
Broadly speaking, highschool was a good time for Gen'ichirou. Things were changing, but they hadn't changed beyond recognition just yet. He was enjoying the last days of a long summer, so to speak, and while it wasn't easy to ignore the feeling of impending fall, tennis and friends made it easier. Throughout those three years, Gen'ichirou was as focused as ever, maintaining nearly-perfect grades and a just-as-spotless win record. Encouraged by Yukimura himself, Gen'ichirou became captain of the tennis team, procuring and maintaining Yukimura's former title for the duration of his highschool tennis career. Under his leadership, like Yukimura's, the team thrived, even if the game wasn't the same without Yukimura in it.
As highschool drew to a close, Gen'ichirou was swept right out of the end of the tennis season and into studies for entrance exams. Daiken, predictably, pushed him toward the University of Tokyo, but left him with a choice between Tokyo and Kyoto Universities. He was surprised when Gen'ichirou opted to enter Kyoto. The reason for the choice, though Gen'ichirou never said as much to his father, was that he thought it would be easier to distance himself from tennis and the circle of friends who came with it if the distance was made physical. The decision was made easier by Yukimura's sudden departure for Europe - Gen'ichirou was given several good reasons to want to be as far away from the familiar courts of Kanagawa (and all their memories) as possible.
He was accepted into Kyoto University, where he studied for two years, majoring in Business Management as per his father's conditions, and minoring in Japanese History as per his own interests. The energy that he previously devoted to tennis was poured into perfecting his kendou, as well as picking up kyuudou. Neither quite satisfied him in the absence of tennis, but he got by. Rather than dwell on what was missing or what could be, he focused on what was - his studies, and his future as the master of the Sanada dojo.
The invitation to Hajime came to his parents' house, and Daiken told his wife to throw it out. He didn't imagine for even a moment that Gen'ichirou would give it any thought; surely, his son would honour their agreement. Besides, what could a place like Hajime hold for Gen'ichirou?
Truthfully, Gen'ichirou wouldn't have considered it, if it weren't for his brother. (Bad enough, Daiken would think after the fact, almost bitterly, that Mamoru had to go his own way, but to tempt Gen'ichirou with him? Insolence, plain and simple.) Mamoru spoke only rarely to their father, but he remained in occasional contact with their mother - in spite of her husband's reservations about Mamoru's choices, Setsushi loved her son. She mentioned the letter to Mamoru in conversation, which led them to discuss Gen'ichirou. Neither of them were against Gen'ichirou following tradition, but both of them disliked Gen'ichirou being unhappy, as Setsushi suspected he was.
Gen'ichirou came home for the winter break, as always, and Mamoru brought his family back to Japan for the holidays, as he did every few years. It was during this visit that Mamoru approached Gen'ichirou with the concerns he and his mother shared. They didn't think Gen'ichirou was happy with the way things were, with simply following his father's lead. He wasn't, Gen'ichirou admitted under his brother's pressure, but his happiness wasn't what was important, was it? After all, he wouldn't be under his father's thumb forever.
But he would be, Mamoru stressed. If he let Daiken set the pace now, then everything he did from here on would be at Daiken's pace. He'd never be happy. That was why Mamoru had broken away when he did. It had disappointed Daiken, but Mamoru was happy, and if he could only have one or the other, he'd rather live the way he liked. Mamoru gave Gen'ichirou the invitation letter, set aside by Setsushi some time before, and told him to give it some thought.
Over the next week, Gen'ichirou did little but think. His brother's words had hit home in a lot of ways, making him acknowledge things he'd been ignoring for the last two years. It wasn't that Gen'ichirou didn't want to honour his family - he very much did. He just didn't want to give up tennis in order to do it. Somewhere along the line, tennis had become an integral part of his life, and he couldn't seem to shake it. Maybe it was the friends and the memories so closely tied with the sport; maybe it was the sport itself, but whatever the reason, Gen'ichirou couldn't stay away.
Hajime offered the same courses he was taking, with transfer credit, and was prestigious in its own right, if not as well-known as the imperial universities. Better still, it wasn't the school his father had chosen. By the time the New Year came around, Gen'ichirou had made his choice. He would enter Hajime University under the same major and minor as before, and he would still take over the family dojo, if his father would allow it. But from here on, he would shape his own future.
Daiken was angry - an understatement, really - but two sons were all he had. It would be foolish of him to refuse Gen'ichirou's offer, even if it grated on him that he was put in such a position. He did his best to talk Gen'ichirou out of changing schools. Kyoto was more reputable, and he wanted Gen'ichirou to have an educational background to be proud of; that was why Gen'ichirou (and Mamoru, before him) had attended Rikkai ever since junior high. Gen'ichirou was firm, however, and by the end of the week, he was preparing to move from Kyoto's dorms to Hajime's.
Now I've gotta run; I have a car to work on. ♥
Please and thanks, guys?
When Gen'ichirou began playing tennis in junior high, at the behest of Yukimura Seiichi, his plan was to quit tennis before highschool. That was always the plan; his father generally disapproved of putting so much weight on something so frivolous as tennis, and so did Gen'ichirou. After Rikkaidai's loss in Nationals at the end of junior high and Yukimura's subsequent retirement from the tennis circuit, Gen'ichirou made an uncharacteristically rebellious (in his father's opinion) decision: to continue playing tennis until his highschool graduation. It was a decision that went directly against his father's wishes - Daiken wanted him to drop tennis and focus more on his studies and on kendou. Gen'ichirou's older brother, Mamoru, had already failed to measure up to his father's wishes in some ways; in other ways, he'd exceeded them when he moved to America to start his own business. Regardless, this left the pressure of carrying on family tradition solely on Gen'ichirou's shoulders. Daiken couldn't understand how much tennis meant to him, but he understood, at least, that it was important - important enough for Gen'ichirou to defy him, which said something - and so they were able to come to an agreement that diverted potential disaster. Gen'ichirou would stop playing tennis when he graduated highschool, attend a college of his father's choosing, and major in Business Management in preparation for taking over the family dojo.
Broadly speaking, highschool was a good time for Gen'ichirou. Things were changing, but they hadn't changed beyond recognition just yet. He was enjoying the last days of a long summer, so to speak, and while it wasn't easy to ignore the feeling of impending fall, tennis and friends made it easier. Throughout those three years, Gen'ichirou was as focused as ever, maintaining nearly-perfect grades and a just-as-spotless win record. Encouraged by Yukimura himself, Gen'ichirou became captain of the tennis team, procuring and maintaining Yukimura's former title for the duration of his highschool tennis career. Under his leadership, like Yukimura's, the team thrived, even if the game wasn't the same without Yukimura in it.
As highschool drew to a close, Gen'ichirou was swept right out of the end of the tennis season and into studies for entrance exams. Daiken, predictably, pushed him toward the University of Tokyo, but left him with a choice between Tokyo and Kyoto Universities. He was surprised when Gen'ichirou opted to enter Kyoto. The reason for the choice, though Gen'ichirou never said as much to his father, was that he thought it would be easier to distance himself from tennis and the circle of friends who came with it if the distance was made physical. The decision was made easier by Yukimura's sudden departure for Europe - Gen'ichirou was given several good reasons to want to be as far away from the familiar courts of Kanagawa (and all their memories) as possible.
He was accepted into Kyoto University, where he studied for two years, majoring in Business Management as per his father's conditions, and minoring in Japanese History as per his own interests. The energy that he previously devoted to tennis was poured into perfecting his kendou, as well as picking up kyuudou. Neither quite satisfied him in the absence of tennis, but he got by. Rather than dwell on what was missing or what could be, he focused on what was - his studies, and his future as the master of the Sanada dojo.
The invitation to Hajime came to his parents' house, and Daiken told his wife to throw it out. He didn't imagine for even a moment that Gen'ichirou would give it any thought; surely, his son would honour their agreement. Besides, what could a place like Hajime hold for Gen'ichirou?
Truthfully, Gen'ichirou wouldn't have considered it, if it weren't for his brother. (Bad enough, Daiken would think after the fact, almost bitterly, that Mamoru had to go his own way, but to tempt Gen'ichirou with him? Insolence, plain and simple.) Mamoru spoke only rarely to their father, but he remained in occasional contact with their mother - in spite of her husband's reservations about Mamoru's choices, Setsushi loved her son. She mentioned the letter to Mamoru in conversation, which led them to discuss Gen'ichirou. Neither of them were against Gen'ichirou following tradition, but both of them disliked Gen'ichirou being unhappy, as Setsushi suspected he was.
Gen'ichirou came home for the winter break, as always, and Mamoru brought his family back to Japan for the holidays, as he did every few years. It was during this visit that Mamoru approached Gen'ichirou with the concerns he and his mother shared. They didn't think Gen'ichirou was happy with the way things were, with simply following his father's lead. He wasn't, Gen'ichirou admitted under his brother's pressure, but his happiness wasn't what was important, was it? After all, he wouldn't be under his father's thumb forever.
But he would be, Mamoru stressed. If he let Daiken set the pace now, then everything he did from here on would be at Daiken's pace. He'd never be happy. That was why Mamoru had broken away when he did. It had disappointed Daiken, but Mamoru was happy, and if he could only have one or the other, he'd rather live the way he liked. Mamoru gave Gen'ichirou the invitation letter, set aside by Setsushi some time before, and told him to give it some thought.
Over the next week, Gen'ichirou did little but think. His brother's words had hit home in a lot of ways, making him acknowledge things he'd been ignoring for the last two years. It wasn't that Gen'ichirou didn't want to honour his family - he very much did. He just didn't want to give up tennis in order to do it. Somewhere along the line, tennis had become an integral part of his life, and he couldn't seem to shake it. Maybe it was the friends and the memories so closely tied with the sport; maybe it was the sport itself, but whatever the reason, Gen'ichirou couldn't stay away.
Hajime offered the same courses he was taking, with transfer credit, and was prestigious in its own right, if not as well-known as the imperial universities. Better still, it wasn't the school his father had chosen. By the time the New Year came around, Gen'ichirou had made his choice. He would enter Hajime University under the same major and minor as before, and he would still take over the family dojo, if his father would allow it. But from here on, he would shape his own future.
Daiken was angry - an understatement, really - but two sons were all he had. It would be foolish of him to refuse Gen'ichirou's offer, even if it grated on him that he was put in such a position. He did his best to talk Gen'ichirou out of changing schools. Kyoto was more reputable, and he wanted Gen'ichirou to have an educational background to be proud of; that was why Gen'ichirou (and Mamoru, before him) had attended Rikkai ever since junior high. Gen'ichirou was firm, however, and by the end of the week, he was preparing to move from Kyoto's dorms to Hajime's.
Now I've gotta run; I have a car to work on. ♥