And this is my oath.
Its 4 A.M. right now.
I hurt my wrist pretty badly at the Thrice show tonight. And I finished reading a book I bout a day ago.
But these aren’t the reasons I’ve come to write here tonight.
I've actually come to a realization. I've been living my life with the assumption because I’m poor right now, I’m not worth anything, and everything is a struggle. No its not. Because what I choose to do is what makes me, what makes my worth. I type this here and now with pain jarring my hand to the point of passing out, yet I continue.
In the past few hours things have completely blurred to me, but also have completely sharpened to the point their contrast is almost unbearable to look at. Everything that has been on my mind these past few months has been completely wiped from my head, because it was all completely and utterly wrong. Why should I have to do this, or that, or think this way? I shouldn't. I am my own man; I will do as I please. And I simply hate the fact I’ve had to come to this realization and that life can't just be as simple as playing in a sandbox, or eating french-fries with your mother, and everything being ok.
I began to value who I was on pointless topics. Videogames for instance. I got them. I played them. I was entertained, and then I was bored. I got something new. But because I was entertained, I was happy. No. I wasn't. I love videogames, don't get my wrong. But because they distracted me from reality and kept me from living? No that's not happy. And i sit and think, I want to do something. I want to be known. I want to be remembered, I want to be a legend. And as always the first thing that comes into my mind is the military. Yeah eff that. Don't get my wrong on that either. I tip my hat and offer undying respect to these men and women who join up, make their oaths and follow through. To protect out country, to help other countries, to do whatever it is they're sent to do without question, whether we here in the states think its wrong, if the politicians think its wrong, or if it is naturally wrong. Their first love is us, and for that, they are honored, remembered, and they are their living legend. And that is what I want. I want to be truly happy, I want to ride in the back of a pick-up with the music turned loud, my eyes closed, and not care if I see the other side of that tunnel we went into because, I'm happy. I'm there. I'm real. It’s happening.
I then began to value myself on my opinions. We all know I’m an asshole. To some more for an extreme, and some not so much. But because I was forced to look at something, think, and base an opinion on it, I thought I had worth. What good does an opinion do, if it just sits in the back of your head. What good is a belief if you don't let it be known what you stand for, or what you agree on or disagree on. What good is anything without conviction? Now. I say this, and I can also wholly say that going out and having a protest, or handing out pamphlets, or going to church, or saying you're something, or just doing anything you believe or enjoy does not mean anything if you're solely doing it for the purpose of spreading the word, getting it to catch on, or making yourself cool by letting other people see what you are. No. You have to believe. You have to be true, and honest, with yourself and others and let nothing sway you, or deter you from your path, or your choice. You must be yourself and not let anyone change you or mold you into their visage. To a point you shouldn't even be reading this because this is my philosophy, my reasoning, and I by far do not want you to take it. So, please, if you are easily influenced stop reading now.
I say I believe in something. And I do. But there is no worth behind it. At all. Because I do not act upon it. And no one can change over night either. But I’m going to work for it. I'm going to change. I'm going to mold. I'm going to become flawless in my eyes. In the eyes of my creator. Yes. I believe in God. And Jesus. And I love them. With all of my heart. I believe in a lot of things, and from now on, it will show. I won't sit back and listen, or hear people, or watch. Save the artistic side of me that does that anyway, what i mean is, I will do as I please, I will let people know what I want, What I don’t want, what effects me and what doesn’t effect me. If you thought I was opinionated before. You're probably screwed now. I'm tired of just sitting back and brushing things off. If i love a girl, I'm going to tell her. And I’m going to show her. And I'm going to prove it. That which I already do, at least that’s what I feel. If you piss me off, I’m going to let you know in one way or another, and will demand a form of retribution, if you don't enjoy it, well the screw off, eh? I'm sick and tired of pretending so other people's feelings aren't hurt. I'm sick and tired of trying to fit to some mold to other people so everything is wonderful, they have friends, I have friends, and all is swell. So, to those of you who know or may not even know how much I pretend for you, eat a fat one. I hope you have the same response to me.
For those of you who do matter to me, you all know you matter to me dearly. In one way or another. Even if you piss me off, and I demand that retribution, I know it will be given, and likewise immediately for all of you. Its like that old stupid Internet email, about the jar, with sand and rocks. I was too worried about all the stupid little things, that I wasn't able to focus on the big picture, and not take the little things for granted.
Like I said, everything has become and utter blur, yet crystal clear.
There will be a change. Oh yes, there will be. I will be heard. I will be known. I will be remembered. Even if its for all of the wrong reasons.
I've spent my whole life searching, for some kind of answer. And through my thinking, and my time, and my prayer. I have found it. I have been enlightened, and I will not fail. I will not give God a reason to look upon me and regret for imparting this knowledge on me, and allowing me to live my life to the fullest.
My name is Robert Joseph Richardson. And its a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
I hurt my wrist pretty badly at the Thrice show tonight. And I finished reading a book I bout a day ago.
But these aren’t the reasons I’ve come to write here tonight.
I've actually come to a realization. I've been living my life with the assumption because I’m poor right now, I’m not worth anything, and everything is a struggle. No its not. Because what I choose to do is what makes me, what makes my worth. I type this here and now with pain jarring my hand to the point of passing out, yet I continue.
In the past few hours things have completely blurred to me, but also have completely sharpened to the point their contrast is almost unbearable to look at. Everything that has been on my mind these past few months has been completely wiped from my head, because it was all completely and utterly wrong. Why should I have to do this, or that, or think this way? I shouldn't. I am my own man; I will do as I please. And I simply hate the fact I’ve had to come to this realization and that life can't just be as simple as playing in a sandbox, or eating french-fries with your mother, and everything being ok.
I began to value who I was on pointless topics. Videogames for instance. I got them. I played them. I was entertained, and then I was bored. I got something new. But because I was entertained, I was happy. No. I wasn't. I love videogames, don't get my wrong. But because they distracted me from reality and kept me from living? No that's not happy. And i sit and think, I want to do something. I want to be known. I want to be remembered, I want to be a legend. And as always the first thing that comes into my mind is the military. Yeah eff that. Don't get my wrong on that either. I tip my hat and offer undying respect to these men and women who join up, make their oaths and follow through. To protect out country, to help other countries, to do whatever it is they're sent to do without question, whether we here in the states think its wrong, if the politicians think its wrong, or if it is naturally wrong. Their first love is us, and for that, they are honored, remembered, and they are their living legend. And that is what I want. I want to be truly happy, I want to ride in the back of a pick-up with the music turned loud, my eyes closed, and not care if I see the other side of that tunnel we went into because, I'm happy. I'm there. I'm real. It’s happening.
I then began to value myself on my opinions. We all know I’m an asshole. To some more for an extreme, and some not so much. But because I was forced to look at something, think, and base an opinion on it, I thought I had worth. What good does an opinion do, if it just sits in the back of your head. What good is a belief if you don't let it be known what you stand for, or what you agree on or disagree on. What good is anything without conviction? Now. I say this, and I can also wholly say that going out and having a protest, or handing out pamphlets, or going to church, or saying you're something, or just doing anything you believe or enjoy does not mean anything if you're solely doing it for the purpose of spreading the word, getting it to catch on, or making yourself cool by letting other people see what you are. No. You have to believe. You have to be true, and honest, with yourself and others and let nothing sway you, or deter you from your path, or your choice. You must be yourself and not let anyone change you or mold you into their visage. To a point you shouldn't even be reading this because this is my philosophy, my reasoning, and I by far do not want you to take it. So, please, if you are easily influenced stop reading now.
I say I believe in something. And I do. But there is no worth behind it. At all. Because I do not act upon it. And no one can change over night either. But I’m going to work for it. I'm going to change. I'm going to mold. I'm going to become flawless in my eyes. In the eyes of my creator. Yes. I believe in God. And Jesus. And I love them. With all of my heart. I believe in a lot of things, and from now on, it will show. I won't sit back and listen, or hear people, or watch. Save the artistic side of me that does that anyway, what i mean is, I will do as I please, I will let people know what I want, What I don’t want, what effects me and what doesn’t effect me. If you thought I was opinionated before. You're probably screwed now. I'm tired of just sitting back and brushing things off. If i love a girl, I'm going to tell her. And I’m going to show her. And I'm going to prove it. That which I already do, at least that’s what I feel. If you piss me off, I’m going to let you know in one way or another, and will demand a form of retribution, if you don't enjoy it, well the screw off, eh? I'm sick and tired of pretending so other people's feelings aren't hurt. I'm sick and tired of trying to fit to some mold to other people so everything is wonderful, they have friends, I have friends, and all is swell. So, to those of you who know or may not even know how much I pretend for you, eat a fat one. I hope you have the same response to me.
For those of you who do matter to me, you all know you matter to me dearly. In one way or another. Even if you piss me off, and I demand that retribution, I know it will be given, and likewise immediately for all of you. Its like that old stupid Internet email, about the jar, with sand and rocks. I was too worried about all the stupid little things, that I wasn't able to focus on the big picture, and not take the little things for granted.
Like I said, everything has become and utter blur, yet crystal clear.
There will be a change. Oh yes, there will be. I will be heard. I will be known. I will be remembered. Even if its for all of the wrong reasons.
I've spent my whole life searching, for some kind of answer. And through my thinking, and my time, and my prayer. I have found it. I have been enlightened, and I will not fail. I will not give God a reason to look upon me and regret for imparting this knowledge on me, and allowing me to live my life to the fullest.
My name is Robert Joseph Richardson. And its a pleasure to make your acquaintance.