Unconscious
I've completely lost track of days and time.
I've spent a good part of the past couple weeks sleeping the days away,
it's like my body's trying to make up for all the nights and days I spent sleepless and buzzing awake in a whirlwind of insomnia.
I've spent more time existing in the land of my subconscious.. caught up in my dreams not knowing how to escape. I've only been conscious in the waking world for a couple hours here and there to maybe eat something, check my messages but not reply to anyone [sorry!] for lack of energy to, and then dive back into slumber.
The last time I was really awake for a good amount of time was last Thursday, when I was high on dex. And now it's Monday. Jeez, I need to get back on track and actually start living my life again.
I missed last group meeting on Thursday due to being too high to drive to it, and lacking the energy to go there and spill my emotional guts. I feel guilty for not attending, and now I feel out of the loop for it all. :/
I've completely ignored any of my internet friends.. and ignored focusing on any kind of recovery from dex and bulimia. And have pretty much given up on any pursuing of getting a social life back anytime soon. I feel really unproductive and stagnant.
And yet, on the other hand, I feel happy right now. And content in my lazy non-schedule-heavy life. I'm content right now to do.. really.. nothing at all. To not progress, to just be.
Fuck trying to make myself better. Maybe I should just focus on relaxing for once, and letting things happen as they may.. without me constantly worrying and not doing enough or not trying enough.
Maybe this new nonactive approach will do me more good.
For right now, I'm happy just lazing around with Mickey and my cats, playing videogames and getting high. :)
As Albert Einstein once said.. the best way to solve a problem, is to not think about it. The solution will usually come to you then.
I've spent a good part of the past couple weeks sleeping the days away,
it's like my body's trying to make up for all the nights and days I spent sleepless and buzzing awake in a whirlwind of insomnia.
I've spent more time existing in the land of my subconscious.. caught up in my dreams not knowing how to escape. I've only been conscious in the waking world for a couple hours here and there to maybe eat something, check my messages but not reply to anyone [sorry!] for lack of energy to, and then dive back into slumber.
The last time I was really awake for a good amount of time was last Thursday, when I was high on dex. And now it's Monday. Jeez, I need to get back on track and actually start living my life again.
I missed last group meeting on Thursday due to being too high to drive to it, and lacking the energy to go there and spill my emotional guts. I feel guilty for not attending, and now I feel out of the loop for it all. :/
I've completely ignored any of my internet friends.. and ignored focusing on any kind of recovery from dex and bulimia. And have pretty much given up on any pursuing of getting a social life back anytime soon. I feel really unproductive and stagnant.
And yet, on the other hand, I feel happy right now. And content in my lazy non-schedule-heavy life. I'm content right now to do.. really.. nothing at all. To not progress, to just be.
Fuck trying to make myself better. Maybe I should just focus on relaxing for once, and letting things happen as they may.. without me constantly worrying and not doing enough or not trying enough.
Maybe this new nonactive approach will do me more good.
For right now, I'm happy just lazing around with Mickey and my cats, playing videogames and getting high. :)
As Albert Einstein once said.. the best way to solve a problem, is to not think about it. The solution will usually come to you then.