這い上がれ、アタシ
I... am insane right now. Dammit. I hate feeling this way.
No, really. Like, I've broken down in public tears three times since Sunday. Once with a friend after attempting to drink my blues away, once in the middle of the street (after falling off my bike due to my own stupidity... I'm lucky[?] I didn't get hit by a car, and today, at work, because work is stressing me out for various reasons that mostly involve my own insecurities. My students are great. It's dealing with grown-ups -- including myself -- that's the problem.
That, plus solitude and hormones. I haven't had an appetite for awhile. This is bad. I gain weight when I have no appetite, because I can eat junk food even when I'm not hungry. Salad and other healthy stuff? Meh.
:-/
Maybe it's that I'm lonely. Maybe I just need to go home soon. I don't know. I just hate it. I thought maybe moving to Japan would help me overcome -- through necessity -- my long history of crazy, but instead it's just evolving into new and exotic forms. Ugh.
On the other hand, I finally set up a yahoo wallet account, so I can bid on yahoo auctions. I'll have to consult with Iwashi about what to do about possible more tenimyu tix. Also wanna go see Makopei/Bishin and Dai-chan events. I hate you, West Power. I need to reply to my friends that I met at Banchou/Ryuuko events and stop being so self-conscious about my written Japanese. I'm actually fairly ... well, not confident, but at least secure that I'm able to get my point across in my writing -- far, far more than my speaking. It's more that I just don't have a point. :P
I just read something that made me sob aloud, but I don't remember what it was, even though it happened, like, five minutes ago. It's actually because I'm giggling way too loudly now, as I am insane. See, here's why:
I'd kind of always wondered since I began living in Tokyo: with some of these myu actors and such, particularly those whom I am fond of without being an omfg huge fan, would I know them if I passed them on the street?
Or, as it turns out, if they bumped into me and apologized?
As it turns out, yes and no.
I'm giggling now because after breaking down Sunday night and having my wonderful best Japanese friend talk me through it -- I lucked out making buddies with the new school counselor -- I trudged home through Shibuya about midnight, kind of people-watching around Hachiko. Damn, there's a lot of fashionable-looking types, I thought. Then I saw a figure dressed all in denim -- jacket and jeans -- with black obvious-fake glasses and strangely familiar bright eyes and shiny teeth. Something about him set off an internal "!!", but I didn't want to get too close, as a couple of girls had just approached him. So I was trying to edge my way around to a place I could look more discreetly to figure out whether I was just having a weird deja vu moment, and he happened to step back and bump right into me. "Ah, gomen!" he said, before turning around and being in awe at my gaijinness. (oh wait, no, that didn't happen. I just said "iie, iie" and backed off thinking holy shit I know that voice.)
As I backed off, I saw him kind of wave the girls off... they walked away, tittering between themselves, and I thought, "no way."
Then Mr. Denim lit up a cigarette, smoked it for a few minutes, then walked to his group of friends, which included a guy of about his size in a black jacket and hat. From what I could tell, there could have been a resemblance between the two, but again, I couldn't get close enough without being creepy, and I wasn't sure how to come up all "HEY DO I KNOW YOU?"
Besides, ........
Even now, I don't know which Takagi twin bumped into me. I can't tell them apart. XD
But I just saw the outfits here as well as a picture of Shibuya from Sunday night that Manpei/former-Momo-ja-nai-hou posted, and ............. well, okay. Now I know. I like "Power is the Best" and "Haiagare, Kaidou" and all, but I wouldn't consider Shinpei to be among the tenimyu guys I have given much thought to in my lifetime, and yet I still had the instinct to stare when I passed him-or-his-identical-twin in a totally out-of-context situation. And even though he was hiding behind those terrible glasses. (The smoking was a bit of a disappointment, though, even though it's the norm for Japan. :-/)
I'm glad I didn't go all gushy fangirl or anything -- in part 'cause he seemed to have just been talking to two examples thereof, and also because I'm not sure if he was the twin whose songs I sang along with in the car constantly -- but I wonder what I'd say if I ever have another chance encounter with someone I recognize? Between that and my adventure in drunk-dialing at a takoyaki bar, I clearly can't let my guard down in Shibuya. :PP
I'm going to try and catch up on report-writing this weekend, probably going in reverse order. (Hirata-Local Boys-Ryuukobirthday-Menbose... oh dear...). Why reverse order? Ease of memory... and because my picture with Hirata is freaking cute.
I just may be able to sleep tonight. My loser fangirlitude may be temporarily trumping my depression over being a grown-up failure. Um... yay? \^O^/
No, really. Like, I've broken down in public tears three times since Sunday. Once with a friend after attempting to drink my blues away, once in the middle of the street (after falling off my bike due to my own stupidity... I'm lucky[?] I didn't get hit by a car, and today, at work, because work is stressing me out for various reasons that mostly involve my own insecurities. My students are great. It's dealing with grown-ups -- including myself -- that's the problem.
That, plus solitude and hormones. I haven't had an appetite for awhile. This is bad. I gain weight when I have no appetite, because I can eat junk food even when I'm not hungry. Salad and other healthy stuff? Meh.
:-/
Maybe it's that I'm lonely. Maybe I just need to go home soon. I don't know. I just hate it. I thought maybe moving to Japan would help me overcome -- through necessity -- my long history of crazy, but instead it's just evolving into new and exotic forms. Ugh.
On the other hand, I finally set up a yahoo wallet account, so I can bid on yahoo auctions. I'll have to consult with Iwashi about what to do about possible more tenimyu tix. Also wanna go see Makopei/Bishin and Dai-chan events. I hate you, West Power. I need to reply to my friends that I met at Banchou/Ryuuko events and stop being so self-conscious about my written Japanese. I'm actually fairly ... well, not confident, but at least secure that I'm able to get my point across in my writing -- far, far more than my speaking. It's more that I just don't have a point. :P
I just read something that made me sob aloud, but I don't remember what it was, even though it happened, like, five minutes ago. It's actually because I'm giggling way too loudly now, as I am insane. See, here's why:
I'd kind of always wondered since I began living in Tokyo: with some of these myu actors and such, particularly those whom I am fond of without being an omfg huge fan, would I know them if I passed them on the street?
Or, as it turns out, if they bumped into me and apologized?
As it turns out, yes and no.
I'm giggling now because after breaking down Sunday night and having my wonderful best Japanese friend talk me through it -- I lucked out making buddies with the new school counselor -- I trudged home through Shibuya about midnight, kind of people-watching around Hachiko. Damn, there's a lot of fashionable-looking types, I thought. Then I saw a figure dressed all in denim -- jacket and jeans -- with black obvious-fake glasses and strangely familiar bright eyes and shiny teeth. Something about him set off an internal "!!", but I didn't want to get too close, as a couple of girls had just approached him. So I was trying to edge my way around to a place I could look more discreetly to figure out whether I was just having a weird deja vu moment, and he happened to step back and bump right into me. "Ah, gomen!" he said, before turning around and being in awe at my gaijinness. (oh wait, no, that didn't happen. I just said "iie, iie" and backed off thinking holy shit I know that voice.)
As I backed off, I saw him kind of wave the girls off... they walked away, tittering between themselves, and I thought, "no way."
Then Mr. Denim lit up a cigarette, smoked it for a few minutes, then walked to his group of friends, which included a guy of about his size in a black jacket and hat. From what I could tell, there could have been a resemblance between the two, but again, I couldn't get close enough without being creepy, and I wasn't sure how to come up all "HEY DO I KNOW YOU?"
Besides, ........
Even now, I don't know which Takagi twin bumped into me. I can't tell them apart. XD
But I just saw the outfits here as well as a picture of Shibuya from Sunday night that Manpei/former-Momo-ja-nai-hou posted, and ............. well, okay. Now I know. I like "Power is the Best" and "Haiagare, Kaidou" and all, but I wouldn't consider Shinpei to be among the tenimyu guys I have given much thought to in my lifetime, and yet I still had the instinct to stare when I passed him-or-his-identical-twin in a totally out-of-context situation. And even though he was hiding behind those terrible glasses. (The smoking was a bit of a disappointment, though, even though it's the norm for Japan. :-/)
I'm glad I didn't go all gushy fangirl or anything -- in part 'cause he seemed to have just been talking to two examples thereof, and also because I'm not sure if he was the twin whose songs I sang along with in the car constantly -- but I wonder what I'd say if I ever have another chance encounter with someone I recognize? Between that and my adventure in drunk-dialing at a takoyaki bar, I clearly can't let my guard down in Shibuya. :PP
I'm going to try and catch up on report-writing this weekend, probably going in reverse order. (Hirata-Local Boys-Ryuukobirthday-Menbose... oh dear...). Why reverse order? Ease of memory... and because my picture with Hirata is freaking cute.
I just may be able to sleep tonight. My loser fangirlitude may be temporarily trumping my depression over being a grown-up failure. Um... yay? \^O^/