If he was here right now....
I'd lay my head to rest and know everything is going to be alright. I love the stability, i love the attention, but most of all I'm starting to realize it's him that I adore. It's him and his mental state of mind that it is I want. I'm fed up, I can't find it, yet I had it at one time. I truly have no energy and do not motivate myself to find this in which I want. I know where it is and I do not want to find it anywhere else. The only way in which I find myself not wanting it anymore is if it were told me straight from the horses mouth that I must move on, that I must find it somewhere else. I haven't heard that yet, so it must be a good sign, but I hope it's just not niceness. Oh truly I hope not. I'm not holding back anything, but I'm also not finding anything, nothing it is that I thought would be.