All at once
thats right, shaved everything all at once this time around. Not piecing it all together this week. Got shit to do man! lol ain't got no time to be messin round down there one day and then up top the next.
Today was an alright day, work sucked during lunch, made a whopping $17. Yeah the cards have been screwing me now for the last 3 weeks with 2s, 3s and 4s or else just the lowest card period out of everyone. *sigh* thats why my paycheck was so small this week. Oh well...can only hope for better next. I have a lot more hours thisweek and three doubles, if I pick up one evening anyways. I most likely will, it's a friday night, not much money to be made but I'll sacrifice a friday night. I'm sure there are others out there who would take better advantage of it than I.
Hmm...this evening was fun at work...had some awesome tables and my personality is finally starting to come through for some tables who I've seen on a regular basis. They mentioned its kind of like I can let my hair down now. So it gets more comfortable everyday I see the same people. Slowly getting people looking for me now...I wonder if requests are honored. Have to start mentioning that now to the few I have. Anyways I felt really good today for some reason, very social, happy, and vivacious. It sucked I was only able to share that with only two tables today, but hey its better than no one. Such personality wasted when it's there lol.
Mindset: Not too bad today....very content, not straying too much. Focused on other things now that have been brought to my attention. Kind of like a new adventure, prob end as quickly as a bottle rocket, but curiosity killed the cat. *POW!*
I don't think I have much more to lose right now, what does one do when risk is now no longer comparable to something of value? They push the limits and make ripples in the water one pebble at a time.
Imagine the brain like a time capsule...it is able to open and close at one's discretion, but at times a stranger will find it and open it up when it's not time. Unleashed are those items that were meant to be kept underwraps and only released when time has gone by enough to almost forget yet be able to handle. Hmm...can I close my time capsule until the moment when the time is right to really analyze what it is I had at one time and be able to decide then whether what I did was a sad but necessary evil, or something that I'd further pursue if available? IDK, but retraining my mindset is significant right now or I'm going to continue to be emotionally attached each time and never actually move on like what was intentionally mentioned. Is it time to move on, live life, take notes and compare? I don't have to be like I used to and I've already decided that I can have a good time without having a bad time the next day. I work too much right now anyways and school is about to consume me in the next few weeks...great...there goes free time for anything or anyone.
I think it's funny how spoiled I've become after being in a relationship. It's not till it was over now that I see how much I actually relish and cherish being in one. I just don't want to be desperate to be in one, but I think about how nice it is being comfortable and stable. Content with staying in and watching movies, going for car rides just because, laying around on a rainy day just to see how far you can snuggle yourself into the other. majority of everything has been created by accidents (take babies and corn dogs for example *lmao cracked myself up for a moment*) things that have been designed and too far thought out and drawn out on paper eventually falls apart because there is no room for flexibility. Think of buildings, bridges, and even a rocket scientists invention that was thought out the last millionth of a millimeter. Indeed, in the end the final vision is what one always comes back too if it is truly what they see for themselves. Visions are what bring people together. IDk if any of this makes sense, but I'm just rambling, not ready to sleep, but trying to sound like I know a little about something.
Also, I've learned of components and substitutes....business lingo anyways and the difference that each actually mean. Most people believe they are practically the same things, but they are not and wherever i plan on going with this is totally oblivious to others I'm sure and I've realized these are hard to explain in words with the context I'm trying to use them in. Fuck it...moving on.
To make life easier for everyone sometimes means making it harder on yourself. This isn't something that will last for a lifetime, but will last for as long as you continue to kick yourself in the ass or else accept it. I think of all the positive outcomes of everything going on and right now they outweigh the negs. More people have been satisfied by such a decision than by those affected by it directly. Looking at majority rule, it makes sense, but eh...who ever really lives for the judgement of others and take it as a measurement tool?
Strange how I was reading a book a lil while ago and have left it aside with a marker right where I stopped. Do I plan on reading it later on? Hell yeah, it was a good book and all I have to do is pick up reading where I left off...it's a really good book. I just don't have time to read it right now and yes I've read newspapers and stuff inbetween, but those were all daily doses of different parts of the everyday. Unlike that one book that was totally about what I like to read and I'm into. This is the craziest strategy of thinking I've come up with to explain my situation, but you know what this one has clearly right now made me realize, life kind of is like a book. It's not as easy to go back to that one spot, but it is possible to continue along that same sense. Eh...I do plan on finishing that Stephen King book though, it was getting pretty good but for some reason I've had to stop right before the climax. haha sheesh...stupid ass analogy.
Wow it's getting late, I better turn in. I have to work this week every night, two doubles Wed and Fri and then gotta work on Saturday. Man where did these Sats start coming from!? Also prob going to have to work on my b-day. Then again i've been stripped of any occasion actually being special if it pertains to me. There is no such thing of anything, and my b-day is just another day....yeah great up bringing by parents who really don't wanna be involved in any childs life. *sigh* one day I'll tell them how I really feel. yesterday going through old notes, poems, and stories I realized how much I hated my mom way back in middle school. I despised and hated that woman...I don't like knowing that, but I read about what made me so mad. Her drinking, her spite towards me, and the need to keep me down and feeling shitty about myself. I was such a depressed person during those years...no wonder I have deep emo moments when they come around. Godo thing they aren't like those who have them everyday for their entire lives....they are good once in a while. *sigh* one of those things you just walk away until they wanna be a part of you again and actually know whats going on in your life? as much as I try to let them be a part of, the lack of initiative just weakens my hope.
Today was an alright day, work sucked during lunch, made a whopping $17. Yeah the cards have been screwing me now for the last 3 weeks with 2s, 3s and 4s or else just the lowest card period out of everyone. *sigh* thats why my paycheck was so small this week. Oh well...can only hope for better next. I have a lot more hours thisweek and three doubles, if I pick up one evening anyways. I most likely will, it's a friday night, not much money to be made but I'll sacrifice a friday night. I'm sure there are others out there who would take better advantage of it than I.
Hmm...this evening was fun at work...had some awesome tables and my personality is finally starting to come through for some tables who I've seen on a regular basis. They mentioned its kind of like I can let my hair down now. So it gets more comfortable everyday I see the same people. Slowly getting people looking for me now...I wonder if requests are honored. Have to start mentioning that now to the few I have. Anyways I felt really good today for some reason, very social, happy, and vivacious. It sucked I was only able to share that with only two tables today, but hey its better than no one. Such personality wasted when it's there lol.
Mindset: Not too bad today....very content, not straying too much. Focused on other things now that have been brought to my attention. Kind of like a new adventure, prob end as quickly as a bottle rocket, but curiosity killed the cat. *POW!*
I don't think I have much more to lose right now, what does one do when risk is now no longer comparable to something of value? They push the limits and make ripples in the water one pebble at a time.
Imagine the brain like a time capsule...it is able to open and close at one's discretion, but at times a stranger will find it and open it up when it's not time. Unleashed are those items that were meant to be kept underwraps and only released when time has gone by enough to almost forget yet be able to handle. Hmm...can I close my time capsule until the moment when the time is right to really analyze what it is I had at one time and be able to decide then whether what I did was a sad but necessary evil, or something that I'd further pursue if available? IDK, but retraining my mindset is significant right now or I'm going to continue to be emotionally attached each time and never actually move on like what was intentionally mentioned. Is it time to move on, live life, take notes and compare? I don't have to be like I used to and I've already decided that I can have a good time without having a bad time the next day. I work too much right now anyways and school is about to consume me in the next few weeks...great...there goes free time for anything or anyone.
I think it's funny how spoiled I've become after being in a relationship. It's not till it was over now that I see how much I actually relish and cherish being in one. I just don't want to be desperate to be in one, but I think about how nice it is being comfortable and stable. Content with staying in and watching movies, going for car rides just because, laying around on a rainy day just to see how far you can snuggle yourself into the other. majority of everything has been created by accidents (take babies and corn dogs for example *lmao cracked myself up for a moment*) things that have been designed and too far thought out and drawn out on paper eventually falls apart because there is no room for flexibility. Think of buildings, bridges, and even a rocket scientists invention that was thought out the last millionth of a millimeter. Indeed, in the end the final vision is what one always comes back too if it is truly what they see for themselves. Visions are what bring people together. IDk if any of this makes sense, but I'm just rambling, not ready to sleep, but trying to sound like I know a little about something.
Also, I've learned of components and substitutes....business lingo anyways and the difference that each actually mean. Most people believe they are practically the same things, but they are not and wherever i plan on going with this is totally oblivious to others I'm sure and I've realized these are hard to explain in words with the context I'm trying to use them in. Fuck it...moving on.
To make life easier for everyone sometimes means making it harder on yourself. This isn't something that will last for a lifetime, but will last for as long as you continue to kick yourself in the ass or else accept it. I think of all the positive outcomes of everything going on and right now they outweigh the negs. More people have been satisfied by such a decision than by those affected by it directly. Looking at majority rule, it makes sense, but eh...who ever really lives for the judgement of others and take it as a measurement tool?
Strange how I was reading a book a lil while ago and have left it aside with a marker right where I stopped. Do I plan on reading it later on? Hell yeah, it was a good book and all I have to do is pick up reading where I left off...it's a really good book. I just don't have time to read it right now and yes I've read newspapers and stuff inbetween, but those were all daily doses of different parts of the everyday. Unlike that one book that was totally about what I like to read and I'm into. This is the craziest strategy of thinking I've come up with to explain my situation, but you know what this one has clearly right now made me realize, life kind of is like a book. It's not as easy to go back to that one spot, but it is possible to continue along that same sense. Eh...I do plan on finishing that Stephen King book though, it was getting pretty good but for some reason I've had to stop right before the climax. haha sheesh...stupid ass analogy.
Wow it's getting late, I better turn in. I have to work this week every night, two doubles Wed and Fri and then gotta work on Saturday. Man where did these Sats start coming from!? Also prob going to have to work on my b-day. Then again i've been stripped of any occasion actually being special if it pertains to me. There is no such thing of anything, and my b-day is just another day....yeah great up bringing by parents who really don't wanna be involved in any childs life. *sigh* one day I'll tell them how I really feel. yesterday going through old notes, poems, and stories I realized how much I hated my mom way back in middle school. I despised and hated that woman...I don't like knowing that, but I read about what made me so mad. Her drinking, her spite towards me, and the need to keep me down and feeling shitty about myself. I was such a depressed person during those years...no wonder I have deep emo moments when they come around. Godo thing they aren't like those who have them everyday for their entire lives....they are good once in a while. *sigh* one of those things you just walk away until they wanna be a part of you again and actually know whats going on in your life? as much as I try to let them be a part of, the lack of initiative just weakens my hope.