Reimeiroku Hijikata Route Chapter 5 (Shieikan Memories)
Nearly 5000 words! I never expected to have to split Ch5 into 2 posts to avoid LJ errors.
The first part is mainly about Hijikata's upbringing and how he met Kondou and Souji.
The repeated mentioning of peasant and samurai might get annoying. But it's to emphasize the caste in Edo Era. Back then, when you were born, your life was decided. You can't choose your occupation (except for maybe switching among lower-ranked ones), who you marry must be from the same rank, and trying to climb up was impossible and forbidden.
In this environment, Hijikata still wouldn't give up.
Chapter 4
On the night Yamazaki first saw the Rasetsu, he went to Hijikata's room as told, still feeling uneasy from what he saw. Hijikata said he's not going to kill him for this. So relax and ask away. Yamazaki asked if researching the medicine would sacrifice many.
Hijikata said Kondou-san would like to have nothing to do with Ochimizu as soon as possible. But for them, who have no money nor power, and not enough capable men, there's no other way.
Seeing how painfully Hijikata replied, Yamazaki asked why he force himself to do this.
Hijikata said this might be the last chance for them to become samurai, so he's not giving up easily.
The memories were told from Hijikata's point of view, in first person perspective, although it's actually Yamazaki retelling to Ryunosuke.
*****
I was born as the youngest son in a rather wealthy farming family. However, I didn't want to become a peasant.
At the age of 14, I went to Matsusakaya for apprenticeship to become a merchant. But I didn't fit in there. Matsusakaya was a famous store. Had I kept working there, I'd have no problem making a living. But the other apprentices kept saying "he's no more than a peasant" behind my back. I couldn't bear the thought of spending my life accounting, and trying to please customers. So I fled.
Back at home I recalled the dream I had, and left home with a bamboo sword and medicine cabinet, filled with medicine made from my family recipe. I requested for sword matches in dojo, and sell my medicine to the wounded ones. Although doing so still wouldn't make me become a samurai, I thought if I don't do anything, nothing would change.
One day, I met Kondou-san, who came to my brother-in-law's* dojo for degeiko.
*Note: Toshizou's sister, Toku, was the sibling closest to him. He still visited her quite often after she was married to Satou Hikogorou.
When Satou started to learn Tennen-Rishin Ryu, he built a dojo in the shukuba he's in charge of, and invited Kondou-san to teach. That's where Hijikata first met Kondou. Satou later became sworn brothers with Kondou. He's also one of the greatest supporters of Shinsengumi. He raised funds, recruited soldiers, and strived to clear Shinsengumi's name after the war.
Kondou-san was also born a peasant. But Shuusai-sensei was impressed of his sword skill and courage, and adopted him. When hearing that, I thought, if Kondou-san can become a samurai, there's hope for me as well.
Afterwards, I visited Shieikan often.
Kondou: Toshi, meet my otoutodeshi*, Okita Souji. Now Souji, your greetings.
*Otoutodeshi, literally "little brother pupil", which means a pupil of the same dojo, but entered later.
Kondou-san rubbed kid Souji's head. Well, Souji was... How should I put it? He looked like a kid, but inside he's not too different from what he's like now.
Souji: Good day, Hijikata-san. I've heard a lot about you from Kondou-san.
Hijikata: Oh. So what have you heard?Souji: Let's see... Things like he's already old enough but still tied to his married sister's apron strings, not getting a serious job, challenging dojos and forcing them to buy his family's medicine after beating them up, being smart but not using his wits in doing good, and stuff like that.
Hijikata: What the... Kondou-san, you've been telling those to a kid like this?
Kondou: Err... No! I don't recall saying such things.
Gen-san: Isami-san would never talk about Toshi-san in such manner.
Souji: Of course not. Kondou-san wouldn't talk this way. I'm only saying what I want to say. I heard those from other older pupils.
Hijikata: Kid, tell you what. If you can't tell what's a stupid rumor and what's not, you'll never grow up to be a decent man.
Souji: If that means wondering around all day doing nothing but practicing sword, rather than getting a proper job, I'll be careful not to become one like you.
Kondou: Souji! Don't talk this way!
I think the relationship among Kondou-san, I, and Souji haven't changed ever since.
Late that night, Kondou-san and I had a few drinks in the dojo.
Neither I or Kondou-san is good at drinking, but there are things more easily said with the help of some alcohol.
Kondou: Sorry about what happened today. Souji is a nice boy. He's just shy.
Hijikata: ... Define "nice" and "shy".
Oh well, Kondou-san tends to interpret everything in the good direction. It's not surprising that impudent kid is still his lovely little brother in his eyes.
Hijikata: But I'm surprised at how the ones in Shieikan think of me. Tied to sister's apron strings, and do nothing but practicing sword rather than getting a proper job... It hurts so much that I lost the strength to argue.
Kondou: No! I don't think so. Toshi is very bright, has unique sword skills, and umm...
Hijikata: It's alright. I know very well what kind of person I am. I have not accomplished anything up to now.
Kondou: Toshi...
Hijikata: I'm born as a peasant, but don't want to become a peasant. I went for apprenticeship to become a merchant, but quitted halfway.
Kondou: It's because these two ways don't suit you. No matter how talented a swordsman is, if he can't find a dojo that suits him, he can't get a certificate. The "dojo" you've been to didn't suit you. That's all.
Kondou-san and I were both born as peasants. And we both study sword skill. We speak the same language. What he said wasn't empty comfort. I felt moved by his words.
I've never met someone like this. Friends, partners... No. He's even closer than a family member.
Kondou: Is there anything Toshi wants to do? Finding a direction might help in finding the best dojo for you.
Hijikata: Well, I can't say there isn't.
Kondou: Oh! What is it?
Hijikata: Don't laugh when you hear it.
Kondou: How could I laugh at someone's dream?
Yes. Kondou-san would never laugh at my dream. He might have guessed what I want to say already.
That's how Kondou-san is, therefore I felt comfortable telling him.
Hijikata: I want to become a samurai. A true samurai, with Daishou* on waist. Do you think it's a ridiculous dream?
*Daishou, literally "large and small", refers to the long (uchigatana or tachi) and short (wakizashi) swords a samurai carries. Commoners were only allowed to carry a wakizashi.
Kondou: Of course not. It's not ridiculous at all.
I felt relieved to hear the answer I expected. Hearing that from the one who have the same dream as I have, and is one step ahead of me in becoming a real samurai, gave me strength.
Hijikata: You're right. I don't think it's impossible either.
I drank all the sake in the cup at a time. I felt blood rushed up my head, making me a little dizzy.
I'm not saying "I want to become a samurai" without some thinking.
Hijikata: Foreigners came to Japan with ships as large as whales. And the big shots in the Shogunate can do nothing but listen to them. If it's the peaceful period a hundred years ago, who could have imagined this? Now it's turbulent period. A new era when things unimaginable are about to happen. If it's an era like this, it's not that difficult for peasants to become samurais. And...
I drank a lot, but I'm not drunk enough to say it.
Kondou: And?
Hijikata: No. Never mind.
Kondou: What is it? You don't have to be modest to me.
Hijikata: I'm not being modest. It's... no big deal.
Kondou-san is strong, sincere, diligent, and always working to the fullest. He's like a role model for samurai.
"With you, I believe I can also become a samurai."
But saying this in front of him would be too embarrassing.
Kondou: But becoming a samurai might not be that good. Even though it's not impossible, lots of difficulty lies before us. Especially since we aren't born in samurai families.
I get what he's trying to say. Ever since Shuusai-sensei adopted him and made him a samurai, Kondou-san had been studying hard in Sinology. Yet he still has difficulty reading all those difficult Chinese classics.
He's been trying hard to absorb samurai's education. But he's still different from the ones born in samurai families, who were surrounded by books since they were born. Things which are "common sense" to them, are new to us.
When I was thinking about this, I saw a moth flew inside, waltzed around the fire, and flew inside.
Hijikata: ... I'm thinking, the moth flew into the fire might have its own thoughts too. Even if knowing it'll be burned, it must do it.
I know this dream is unrealistic. And becoming a samurai isn't fun. Even so, I want to become a samurai.
Kondou-san listened with a smile.
Kondou: Since you have such strong will, you can do it. Definitely.
He spoke with such confidence. I felt it's great to have told everything to him.
*****
Yamazaki seemed to be in deep thoughts, and took a deep breath.
Yamazaki: Vice Commander's words are powerful. When I heard that when he's young, he had the same agony as I have, I can't describe how happy I am.
Ryu: I see...
Ryu: Hijikata-san sure has an inordinate dream.
Yamazaki frowned immediately.
Yamazaki: What does that mean? Are you saying Vice Commander doesn't know his place?
Ryu: Chill! I didn't say that.
This guy appeared to be calm, but he's quite short-tempered and jumps to conclusions. Ryu thought.
Ryu: What I meant is... Since he has dream like this, he's not going to be content with the little happiness around him, right? When thinking this way, is it really fortunate to have a dream or not?
Yamazaki: Even so. I don't think having a dream is unfortunate. No matter what hardship lies ahead, as long as the goal is ahead, there won't be regrets.
Yamazaki relied positively. Looks like on top of being short-tempered, he's stubborn too.
Ryu: So does what you heard from Hijikata-san ends here? Is there more?
Yamazaki: There's more.
(Yamazaki became quite calm and cautious 4 years later. ;))
*****
A few years later, Shuusai-sensei retired and Kondou-san inherited Shieikan from him.
Ever since the foreigners came and mess with economy, the prices for daily supplies skyrocketed.
What's more, strange diseases brought by the foreigners became epidemic.
One by one, our pupils left. Request for degeiko decreased too.
Well, those who request degeiko from Shieikan weren't wealthy to begin with. Even though it's difficult to keep the dojo running, we can't ask for more honorariums from them.
Kondou-san, Sannan-san, and I discuss about what to do almost every night.
Hijikata: Another pupil asked to leave. How many had left in this month?
Sannan: Indeed... Perhaps it's quicker to count how many stayed.
Kondou-san seemed depressed.
Hijikata: Hey, it's not your fault that the pupils leave and request for degeiko decrease.
Kondou: But not every dojo in Edo is striving in poverty. There are ones still prosperous. So I can't blame everything on rising prices and epidemics. It's me, the dojo master's responsibility.
Kondou-san tend to feel responsible for things not his fault. When he's like this, no comfort would work.
Sannan: Is it really alright? You just had a daughter. Wouldn't Tsune-san have complaints?
Kondou: Well, that's...
Hijikata: Would you consider again on collecting honorarium from the guests in dojo? I know you don't want to run the dojo like a business. It's a good thing. But the situation is different now.
Sannan: I agree. You can't starve Shuusai-sensei, Tsune-san, and your daughter.
Sannan-san and I have mentioned this many times.
Kondou: ... No. Everyone stayed because of admiration of me. I can't trouble them.
We received encouraging news one day.
A Hatamoto* wanted to nominate Kondou-san as an instructor in the Shogunate's military academy. It's an academy to train youngsters from Gokenin* in swordsmanship.
*Hatamoto and Gokenin are samurai ranks.
Kondou-san can't hide his excitement. After all these years, he's finally acknowledged.
Kondou: Am I in a dream? I can teach the sons of Gokenin?
Hijikata: What are you talking about? I always say you are more than a master of a small dojo. Among all the dojos in Edo, is there anyone stronger than you?
Kondou-san looked away in embarrassment. But soon beamed.
Kondou: I see. You have a point. I've never been so happy that I persisted in swordsmanship. Of course I'm happy that my skills are acknowledged, but more importantly... Everyone won't have to worry about money! That's the best thing!
Hijikata: Even at time like this, you always put others in front of you.
Perhaps it's because he's this kind of person that the gods gave him this chance. We aren't deserted. That's what I thought back then.
(To be continued.)
The first part is mainly about Hijikata's upbringing and how he met Kondou and Souji.
The repeated mentioning of peasant and samurai might get annoying. But it's to emphasize the caste in Edo Era. Back then, when you were born, your life was decided. You can't choose your occupation (except for maybe switching among lower-ranked ones), who you marry must be from the same rank, and trying to climb up was impossible and forbidden.
In this environment, Hijikata still wouldn't give up.
Chapter 4
On the night Yamazaki first saw the Rasetsu, he went to Hijikata's room as told, still feeling uneasy from what he saw. Hijikata said he's not going to kill him for this. So relax and ask away. Yamazaki asked if researching the medicine would sacrifice many.
Hijikata said Kondou-san would like to have nothing to do with Ochimizu as soon as possible. But for them, who have no money nor power, and not enough capable men, there's no other way.
Seeing how painfully Hijikata replied, Yamazaki asked why he force himself to do this.
Hijikata said this might be the last chance for them to become samurai, so he's not giving up easily.
The memories were told from Hijikata's point of view, in first person perspective, although it's actually Yamazaki retelling to Ryunosuke.
*****
I was born as the youngest son in a rather wealthy farming family. However, I didn't want to become a peasant.
At the age of 14, I went to Matsusakaya for apprenticeship to become a merchant. But I didn't fit in there. Matsusakaya was a famous store. Had I kept working there, I'd have no problem making a living. But the other apprentices kept saying "he's no more than a peasant" behind my back. I couldn't bear the thought of spending my life accounting, and trying to please customers. So I fled.
Back at home I recalled the dream I had, and left home with a bamboo sword and medicine cabinet, filled with medicine made from my family recipe. I requested for sword matches in dojo, and sell my medicine to the wounded ones. Although doing so still wouldn't make me become a samurai, I thought if I don't do anything, nothing would change.
One day, I met Kondou-san, who came to my brother-in-law's* dojo for degeiko.
*Note: Toshizou's sister, Toku, was the sibling closest to him. He still visited her quite often after she was married to Satou Hikogorou.
When Satou started to learn Tennen-Rishin Ryu, he built a dojo in the shukuba he's in charge of, and invited Kondou-san to teach. That's where Hijikata first met Kondou. Satou later became sworn brothers with Kondou. He's also one of the greatest supporters of Shinsengumi. He raised funds, recruited soldiers, and strived to clear Shinsengumi's name after the war.
Kondou-san was also born a peasant. But Shuusai-sensei was impressed of his sword skill and courage, and adopted him. When hearing that, I thought, if Kondou-san can become a samurai, there's hope for me as well.
Afterwards, I visited Shieikan often.
Kondou: Toshi, meet my otoutodeshi*, Okita Souji. Now Souji, your greetings.
*Otoutodeshi, literally "little brother pupil", which means a pupil of the same dojo, but entered later.
Kondou-san rubbed kid Souji's head. Well, Souji was... How should I put it? He looked like a kid, but inside he's not too different from what he's like now.
Souji: Good day, Hijikata-san. I've heard a lot about you from Kondou-san.
Hijikata: Oh. So what have you heard?Souji: Let's see... Things like he's already old enough but still tied to his married sister's apron strings, not getting a serious job, challenging dojos and forcing them to buy his family's medicine after beating them up, being smart but not using his wits in doing good, and stuff like that.
Hijikata: What the... Kondou-san, you've been telling those to a kid like this?
Kondou: Err... No! I don't recall saying such things.
Gen-san: Isami-san would never talk about Toshi-san in such manner.
Souji: Of course not. Kondou-san wouldn't talk this way. I'm only saying what I want to say. I heard those from other older pupils.
Hijikata: Kid, tell you what. If you can't tell what's a stupid rumor and what's not, you'll never grow up to be a decent man.
Souji: If that means wondering around all day doing nothing but practicing sword, rather than getting a proper job, I'll be careful not to become one like you.
Kondou: Souji! Don't talk this way!
I think the relationship among Kondou-san, I, and Souji haven't changed ever since.
Late that night, Kondou-san and I had a few drinks in the dojo.
Neither I or Kondou-san is good at drinking, but there are things more easily said with the help of some alcohol.
Kondou: Sorry about what happened today. Souji is a nice boy. He's just shy.
Hijikata: ... Define "nice" and "shy".
Oh well, Kondou-san tends to interpret everything in the good direction. It's not surprising that impudent kid is still his lovely little brother in his eyes.
Hijikata: But I'm surprised at how the ones in Shieikan think of me. Tied to sister's apron strings, and do nothing but practicing sword rather than getting a proper job... It hurts so much that I lost the strength to argue.
Kondou: No! I don't think so. Toshi is very bright, has unique sword skills, and umm...
Hijikata: It's alright. I know very well what kind of person I am. I have not accomplished anything up to now.
Kondou: Toshi...
Hijikata: I'm born as a peasant, but don't want to become a peasant. I went for apprenticeship to become a merchant, but quitted halfway.
Kondou: It's because these two ways don't suit you. No matter how talented a swordsman is, if he can't find a dojo that suits him, he can't get a certificate. The "dojo" you've been to didn't suit you. That's all.
Kondou-san and I were both born as peasants. And we both study sword skill. We speak the same language. What he said wasn't empty comfort. I felt moved by his words.
I've never met someone like this. Friends, partners... No. He's even closer than a family member.
Kondou: Is there anything Toshi wants to do? Finding a direction might help in finding the best dojo for you.
Hijikata: Well, I can't say there isn't.
Kondou: Oh! What is it?
Hijikata: Don't laugh when you hear it.
Kondou: How could I laugh at someone's dream?
Yes. Kondou-san would never laugh at my dream. He might have guessed what I want to say already.
That's how Kondou-san is, therefore I felt comfortable telling him.
Hijikata: I want to become a samurai. A true samurai, with Daishou* on waist. Do you think it's a ridiculous dream?
*Daishou, literally "large and small", refers to the long (uchigatana or tachi) and short (wakizashi) swords a samurai carries. Commoners were only allowed to carry a wakizashi.
Kondou: Of course not. It's not ridiculous at all.
I felt relieved to hear the answer I expected. Hearing that from the one who have the same dream as I have, and is one step ahead of me in becoming a real samurai, gave me strength.
Hijikata: You're right. I don't think it's impossible either.
I drank all the sake in the cup at a time. I felt blood rushed up my head, making me a little dizzy.
I'm not saying "I want to become a samurai" without some thinking.
Hijikata: Foreigners came to Japan with ships as large as whales. And the big shots in the Shogunate can do nothing but listen to them. If it's the peaceful period a hundred years ago, who could have imagined this? Now it's turbulent period. A new era when things unimaginable are about to happen. If it's an era like this, it's not that difficult for peasants to become samurais. And...
I drank a lot, but I'm not drunk enough to say it.
Kondou: And?
Hijikata: No. Never mind.
Kondou: What is it? You don't have to be modest to me.
Hijikata: I'm not being modest. It's... no big deal.
Kondou-san is strong, sincere, diligent, and always working to the fullest. He's like a role model for samurai.
"With you, I believe I can also become a samurai."
But saying this in front of him would be too embarrassing.
Kondou: But becoming a samurai might not be that good. Even though it's not impossible, lots of difficulty lies before us. Especially since we aren't born in samurai families.
I get what he's trying to say. Ever since Shuusai-sensei adopted him and made him a samurai, Kondou-san had been studying hard in Sinology. Yet he still has difficulty reading all those difficult Chinese classics.
He's been trying hard to absorb samurai's education. But he's still different from the ones born in samurai families, who were surrounded by books since they were born. Things which are "common sense" to them, are new to us.
When I was thinking about this, I saw a moth flew inside, waltzed around the fire, and flew inside.
Hijikata: ... I'm thinking, the moth flew into the fire might have its own thoughts too. Even if knowing it'll be burned, it must do it.
I know this dream is unrealistic. And becoming a samurai isn't fun. Even so, I want to become a samurai.
Kondou-san listened with a smile.
Kondou: Since you have such strong will, you can do it. Definitely.
He spoke with such confidence. I felt it's great to have told everything to him.
*****
Yamazaki seemed to be in deep thoughts, and took a deep breath.
Yamazaki: Vice Commander's words are powerful. When I heard that when he's young, he had the same agony as I have, I can't describe how happy I am.
Ryu: I see...
Ryu: Hijikata-san sure has an inordinate dream.
Yamazaki frowned immediately.
Yamazaki: What does that mean? Are you saying Vice Commander doesn't know his place?
Ryu: Chill! I didn't say that.
This guy appeared to be calm, but he's quite short-tempered and jumps to conclusions. Ryu thought.
Ryu: What I meant is... Since he has dream like this, he's not going to be content with the little happiness around him, right? When thinking this way, is it really fortunate to have a dream or not?
Yamazaki: Even so. I don't think having a dream is unfortunate. No matter what hardship lies ahead, as long as the goal is ahead, there won't be regrets.
Yamazaki relied positively. Looks like on top of being short-tempered, he's stubborn too.
Ryu: So does what you heard from Hijikata-san ends here? Is there more?
Yamazaki: There's more.
(Yamazaki became quite calm and cautious 4 years later. ;))
*****
A few years later, Shuusai-sensei retired and Kondou-san inherited Shieikan from him.
Ever since the foreigners came and mess with economy, the prices for daily supplies skyrocketed.
What's more, strange diseases brought by the foreigners became epidemic.
One by one, our pupils left. Request for degeiko decreased too.
Well, those who request degeiko from Shieikan weren't wealthy to begin with. Even though it's difficult to keep the dojo running, we can't ask for more honorariums from them.
Kondou-san, Sannan-san, and I discuss about what to do almost every night.
Hijikata: Another pupil asked to leave. How many had left in this month?
Sannan: Indeed... Perhaps it's quicker to count how many stayed.
Kondou-san seemed depressed.
Hijikata: Hey, it's not your fault that the pupils leave and request for degeiko decrease.
Kondou: But not every dojo in Edo is striving in poverty. There are ones still prosperous. So I can't blame everything on rising prices and epidemics. It's me, the dojo master's responsibility.
Kondou-san tend to feel responsible for things not his fault. When he's like this, no comfort would work.
Sannan: Is it really alright? You just had a daughter. Wouldn't Tsune-san have complaints?
Kondou: Well, that's...
Hijikata: Would you consider again on collecting honorarium from the guests in dojo? I know you don't want to run the dojo like a business. It's a good thing. But the situation is different now.
Sannan: I agree. You can't starve Shuusai-sensei, Tsune-san, and your daughter.
Sannan-san and I have mentioned this many times.
Kondou: ... No. Everyone stayed because of admiration of me. I can't trouble them.
We received encouraging news one day.
A Hatamoto* wanted to nominate Kondou-san as an instructor in the Shogunate's military academy. It's an academy to train youngsters from Gokenin* in swordsmanship.
*Hatamoto and Gokenin are samurai ranks.
Kondou-san can't hide his excitement. After all these years, he's finally acknowledged.
Kondou: Am I in a dream? I can teach the sons of Gokenin?
Hijikata: What are you talking about? I always say you are more than a master of a small dojo. Among all the dojos in Edo, is there anyone stronger than you?
Kondou-san looked away in embarrassment. But soon beamed.
Kondou: I see. You have a point. I've never been so happy that I persisted in swordsmanship. Of course I'm happy that my skills are acknowledged, but more importantly... Everyone won't have to worry about money! That's the best thing!
Hijikata: Even at time like this, you always put others in front of you.
Perhaps it's because he's this kind of person that the gods gave him this chance. We aren't deserted. That's what I thought back then.
(To be continued.)