Damn the pridicaments i put myself in...
I hate myself right...you think that most of the drama in your life happen in high school?? think again, it can happen to you in college too....and without you even knowing it. I just want to make one thing clear for everyone...me and tom are still going out and i'm planing on getting transfered up to New York to go to school with him. I just had to fuck things up for awhile to see how i truely do feel for him. And last night i really fucked things up...I hurt him to no end. Here's what broke me last night talking to him...
starwindsano: terri u know how many wishes i have wanted to come true but now they seem to be falling apart not cause of a kiss
starwindsano: because u didnt stand up for us
starwindsano: and with every girl i've met
starwindsano: i always say yes
starwindsano: i have a girl and i luv her very much
starwindsano: and under no circumstances would i ever step over any boundry even if i had more alchol then water in my system
starwindsano: something of me would keep strong to it
starwindsano: i have never been in so deep before
ImmatureMethod: i do stand up for us though
starwindsano: and for some reason out of everything this hurts more then anything
starwindsano: no u didnt terru
starwindsano: terri*
starwindsano: if u did u would say something
starwindsano: next day u would say something
starwindsano: u had ample time
ImmatureMethod: i love you...and you know that
starwindsano: YES I DO THEY DONT
Thats what made me break down...and if you can't understand what happened?? A guy kissed me and I let him...I didn't say anything about Tom and me, which hurt him the most....god i'm such a bastard. The bad thing is...i like Josh...but I love Tom...and Tim wants to go out with me...i feel like a whoe.
Me and Tom worked through it last night...he signed on at 8:40ish...signed off after I told him what happened....signed on again after 2 hours and we talked until 3:20ish...I think we're cool again...but I'm not to sure if he'll trust me fully again. BUt he did forgive me, lolz, he's so cute sometimes...
starwindsano: night night my love
ImmatureMethod: good night
ImmatureMethod: and sweet dreams
starwindsano: and next time u do someting like that there will be consquences
ImmatureMethod: believe me....there will never be a next time
ImmatureMethod: i can promise you on that
starwindsano: sounds good u are truely forgiven then
starwindsano: as for the guy
starwindsano: meow
starwindsano: purr
starwindsano: and grrr
ImmatureMethod: lolz
ImmatureMethod: but thanks for accepting my apology
ImmatureMethod: i dont know what i would have done if you didn't
ImmatureMethod: but i must go now...or else the computer will be my new bed
starwindsano: lolz ok good night my light of lights
BUt yeah..now I have to talk to JOsh and tell him I still got some feelings for Tom...and the bad thing is that he's Frankie's best friend and I'm fucking it all up!! And the worst thing...i'm we planned on going to the movies with tonight. I just dont know what to do..i hate this, I just want to avoid everything relating to the subject and let things be the way they were before I met Josh....i think it would be easier.