let me light up the sky, Light it for you.
I guess I decided to start "typing" again. There really isn't a point to all this fucking bullshit, just gives me a little warmth I guess. That believe someone is listeing to me, even if this journal starts gathering dust. Life itself is breaking away and this time it feels like I have no control over it, and no ideas how I might be able to stop my heart from breaking, and feeling this fucking lonley feeling every waking second. I know I am the only person that can change this and make things different, better if you will. Somedays I want to so bad, but don't know how, other days that feeling is so friendly and the other thing I know, therefore never want it to leave.
P.S I am sorry for all the hurt I have done to you. I never ment for ANY of this to happen, and wish it never did. I cry everyday thinking of you, everywhere I go theres a photo of you, as you remain on my backround, and you always will I guess for a sense of happiness, I once felt for you, and with you. Everyday I wonder how I could make things different and turn things around but when I talk, it ends in a fight with you and it breaks my heart to where I could never ment it. Ever since that night I haven't had a smile on my face, no warmth in my heart, no flierty little remarks and I feel lost without you. I even started getting sick again and in those 2 months not a single pain. I mean, maybe this is all I deserve, a little treat here and there with you, but never does last. And it drives me fucking crazy because all I've wanted for almost 6 years.. was you. And never could have you. Lost without you for 4 years, wondering, waiting.. then I have you once again for a short time, but a time I'll never ever quite forget, and now your gone. Please belive me, I never ment to hurt you, and if you thought I was freaking out.. I wasn't. That's why I tried getting you on the phone for so many days so we could talk, so I could explain, and make things okay.. and hear your fucking voice ( oh that voice ) once more. Please kid, Forgive me. Is this something worth letting go of what we had? I hope there isn't. But if it is I understand. I fucked it up, I always fuck it up. and I'm sorry I wasted 2 months of you life. Just please always remember me, because I love you. More then I have EVER loved someone in my life, and it's driving me crazy because I can't get you off my mind, and it's okay if I'm not on yours. I know you have someone now, and I know she probably makes you happy, I hope she does. Be happy kid, you deserve it.
pss. long nights thinking of you, i'd run my fingers down my hand where you ran yours that night, and it makes me smile for once.
P.S I am sorry for all the hurt I have done to you. I never ment for ANY of this to happen, and wish it never did. I cry everyday thinking of you, everywhere I go theres a photo of you, as you remain on my backround, and you always will I guess for a sense of happiness, I once felt for you, and with you. Everyday I wonder how I could make things different and turn things around but when I talk, it ends in a fight with you and it breaks my heart to where I could never ment it. Ever since that night I haven't had a smile on my face, no warmth in my heart, no flierty little remarks and I feel lost without you. I even started getting sick again and in those 2 months not a single pain. I mean, maybe this is all I deserve, a little treat here and there with you, but never does last. And it drives me fucking crazy because all I've wanted for almost 6 years.. was you. And never could have you. Lost without you for 4 years, wondering, waiting.. then I have you once again for a short time, but a time I'll never ever quite forget, and now your gone. Please belive me, I never ment to hurt you, and if you thought I was freaking out.. I wasn't. That's why I tried getting you on the phone for so many days so we could talk, so I could explain, and make things okay.. and hear your fucking voice ( oh that voice ) once more. Please kid, Forgive me. Is this something worth letting go of what we had? I hope there isn't. But if it is I understand. I fucked it up, I always fuck it up. and I'm sorry I wasted 2 months of you life. Just please always remember me, because I love you. More then I have EVER loved someone in my life, and it's driving me crazy because I can't get you off my mind, and it's okay if I'm not on yours. I know you have someone now, and I know she probably makes you happy, I hope she does. Be happy kid, you deserve it.
pss. long nights thinking of you, i'd run my fingers down my hand where you ran yours that night, and it makes me smile for once.