Big waves of nostalgia for the end of the summer
It's amazing that it's been seven years since I updated this, and so many more since it was such a big part of my life. This is the tuesday following a long labor day weekend. It started as a nice relaxing Thursday, went to Heritage Square as I do most Thursday evevnings to drink some been at Pour Brothers in the nice big open courtyard. There was only like 15 other people there so it seems nice and safe. Ryan joined Jessica and I and we went to Cabbages and Kings and got some packs of Magic the Gathering Jumpstart. We played a game which was quite fun, out in the courtyard there. It's funny how I was introduced to the game when I was like 13 but never really tried playing it until 35, and it's great dorky fun. I'm wishing I was more dorky in my teens sometimes.
Kevin and Jennie were in town for the weekend, it was great to see them. Had some nice Kabobs for lunch at my parents new outside room of their house on Saturday morning. They go back to Florida pretty soon. Kevin and Jennie came over Saturday night which was fun, just drinking and smoking on the patio with some music.
Sunday was nice too, a pleasant deck night at the Spengler's. Got to meet a new white pug puppy, it was so small and adorable. It's been too long since I've played with a puppy.
There were big thunderstorms on Sunday night, super late, more like Monday morning. I woke up at 5:30am or so with some really bad dreams. I couldn't get back to sleep and I started looking at my phone. Sometimes it helps to not even try to go back to sleep, but to just wake back up again and wait until I get tired. I stumbled back on LiveJournal though and I ended up reading it for like 2 hours. Some of my posts but mostly posts from friends. There are so many things I've forgotten, or never even knew. It's so weird reading some of these with a totally different perspective, both regarding how long it's been and from other people's perspectives. I absolutely can't believe the sheer density of friends and fun that was had during the summer of 2002. It's like I would wake up on a day off work from Java Jo's then immediately drive to someone's house, we'd pick up like 3 more people, then we would go to someone else's house, and another, and a show, then an after party, and just stay out all night - driving around, seeing more people, doing amazing things. And that was just like an average day that summer, not even an exception. I'm not one to fawn over the past and get hung up on glory days or anything like that, but it does seem sad in reflection how isolated I am now vs then. I quite enjoy my 30s, this is the best time of my life, but there was undeniably something magical about 2002.
Just reading all of those old LiveJournal posts made me really miss a lot of people. The days of tons of people meeting up at Ryon's house. Doing crazy things with Skylar, Kyle, Mears. Just driving around with Mary or Jessica Wallis. The group of friends I became part of at my high school junior and senior year with Robin, Rachel, Sarah. And just so many others. So many shows, so many people hanging out at shows, so many crazy things. I'm really happy that I've maintained a correspondance with Ryon over the years, though admittedly I've got lazy about that. Most everyone else I'm lucky to see once every couple of years. I wish I had some more initiative, I would really like to reconnect with people but it's like I don't even know how any more. It's like that feeling that you get that you just assume you'll be bothersome, so you don't reach out - though realistically who doesn't like hearing from an old friend? I'm just so shut off these days. I think working from home for so long - I think 13 years now, has started to take a toll on me socially. I have my cigar club and small core group of friends that I love, but it seems like an insurmountable obstacle to connect with people in a meaningful way sometimes. I think I've shut off a lot of my emotions and real, honest, messy, interesting communication with people. It feels like everything I talk about is just so coordial and single layered these days. I want to start really talking to people again. Maybe I just need a good "remember when" chat with someone, ha. Well I hope this doesn't seem to bleak or anything, I'm just really in one of thiose nostalgic moods that hits every now and again. If anyone actually reads this feel free to reach out, I'll be happy to buy you a beer.