I Can't Handle this Anymore
I Can't take the bullshit that my dad keeps doing. He talks to me like I am fuckin' two years old, all the fuckin' time.
I used to have to go to a therapist, he told me to go and be completely honest with my dad, and he told my dad to hear me out and not talk to me as if I can't be right, I finally realized today, My dad is the one who needs a fucking therapist, he lied when he told the therapist that he would be accepting and allow me to say how I feel, so he wasted his fucking money dealing with the wrong problem.
When I first thought about it, I thought suicide, but no way, I am not the fucked up one, he is. I'm not going to suffer for his fucked up behavior, I thought murder, but no, he has to live, to suffer with his problem everyday, I want to see him suffer.
I have decided to take one week to get my shit together, talk to my mom, and move in wiht a friend, I can't live here anymore.
I realized that the root of all my stress and agony, and my low self-esteem comes back to him. He says that I owe him, because I have had a good life, without poverty and all, well I would rather not have a dime, than take the emotional abuse that he brings me everyday. It pisses me off that I have to stand by and watch people befriend him, and he is the good guy, because he is the single worst person I have ever met, I would rather have an abusive father and a shit load of bruises for the world to see than have all the inner bruises, and watch him be celebrated for being a "Good Father". The fucked up thing is that he isn't my real dad, so it's even worse, my view is that he has no right to tell me how to live, his view is " You Owe me, you wouldn't have a fatyher if it wasn't for me" (not his actual words, just the way I can see him thinking) SO here is where I am, I am hurting, I am a guy and I am relied apon by others so usally I hide my pain, to help others with theirs. Well, This sounds so feminine, but I need someone to cry to. I am tired of being strong, I need help. after that, I need to show him, that he has NO control over me at all. I can't help but want to leave right now, but where would I go? My father has single handedly shown me that, a caring hand is often a hand truely flipping you off right to your face. I'm tired of writing, I think I'll go pack. I am so scared of where I am going next!!!
If you are willing to talk call me
541-593-6806
or my cell,
541-390-6565
I used to have to go to a therapist, he told me to go and be completely honest with my dad, and he told my dad to hear me out and not talk to me as if I can't be right, I finally realized today, My dad is the one who needs a fucking therapist, he lied when he told the therapist that he would be accepting and allow me to say how I feel, so he wasted his fucking money dealing with the wrong problem.
When I first thought about it, I thought suicide, but no way, I am not the fucked up one, he is. I'm not going to suffer for his fucked up behavior, I thought murder, but no, he has to live, to suffer with his problem everyday, I want to see him suffer.
I have decided to take one week to get my shit together, talk to my mom, and move in wiht a friend, I can't live here anymore.
I realized that the root of all my stress and agony, and my low self-esteem comes back to him. He says that I owe him, because I have had a good life, without poverty and all, well I would rather not have a dime, than take the emotional abuse that he brings me everyday. It pisses me off that I have to stand by and watch people befriend him, and he is the good guy, because he is the single worst person I have ever met, I would rather have an abusive father and a shit load of bruises for the world to see than have all the inner bruises, and watch him be celebrated for being a "Good Father". The fucked up thing is that he isn't my real dad, so it's even worse, my view is that he has no right to tell me how to live, his view is " You Owe me, you wouldn't have a fatyher if it wasn't for me" (not his actual words, just the way I can see him thinking) SO here is where I am, I am hurting, I am a guy and I am relied apon by others so usally I hide my pain, to help others with theirs. Well, This sounds so feminine, but I need someone to cry to. I am tired of being strong, I need help. after that, I need to show him, that he has NO control over me at all. I can't help but want to leave right now, but where would I go? My father has single handedly shown me that, a caring hand is often a hand truely flipping you off right to your face. I'm tired of writing, I think I'll go pack. I am so scared of where I am going next!!!
If you are willing to talk call me
541-593-6806
or my cell,
541-390-6565