lonely...I'm so lonely, I have nobody of my own
I'm feeling very lonely at the moment, I feel left out when I don't even know if I'm being left out. I know it sounds wierd but I always think my friends are angry with me when they don't talk to me online or something. I have really bad paranoia like that. And it doesn't help that I don't get to see my best friends because we go to different 6th forms. I haven't even talked to some people in weeks. Maybe it's my fault I haven't done enough to keep in touch so I know I do have some part in it but it's been a hard couple of weeks and I feel distance between me and many friends.
recently my uncle passed away and it was horrible, one of the worst days of my life was his funeral. It was my first ever funeral where I knew the person well (I've been to funerals many a time but it was always either someone my mum knew from Ireland that I had been strung along to) and although I was sad about my uncle what upset me more was seeing my mum sad. If I see my mum cry I cry that's just how I work. Not only this was happening but I also had 3 exams my first being the day after he had died. So it ws a pretty stressful time and for some reason I couldn't tell anyone outright, because 1. the only way of communicating was online, I don't really use phones and I never saw anyone and 2.I found it awkward.
so I only told like 1 person at first and she helped me a lot I'm glad I told her and she will be a best friend I will never forget. I don't think she realised how much she helped me with that one msn conversation.
I've only told like 3 other people since then and it was mostly
me:I'm not doing too good how are you?
other person:I'm alright. whats wrong?
me:well, my uncle died.
OP:are you alright?
me:yeah
OP:well if you need anything just say I'll be there
so although very nice its not like I worked trough much with them. and I haven't even spoke face to face to anyone about it except for the people at my school and even then it was just
OP:why weren't you in the other day?
me:oh...my uncle died
OP:oh...
although one person did try to ask me how are you but she said it so quietly that I'm not sure she actually said that.
so basically I'm feeling a little lonely today. I'm sure it will pass it may also be because I have been in my house for 3 days because of tonsillitis...boo YOU VIRUS WHORE!
recently my uncle passed away and it was horrible, one of the worst days of my life was his funeral. It was my first ever funeral where I knew the person well (I've been to funerals many a time but it was always either someone my mum knew from Ireland that I had been strung along to) and although I was sad about my uncle what upset me more was seeing my mum sad. If I see my mum cry I cry that's just how I work. Not only this was happening but I also had 3 exams my first being the day after he had died. So it ws a pretty stressful time and for some reason I couldn't tell anyone outright, because 1. the only way of communicating was online, I don't really use phones and I never saw anyone and 2.I found it awkward.
so I only told like 1 person at first and she helped me a lot I'm glad I told her and she will be a best friend I will never forget. I don't think she realised how much she helped me with that one msn conversation.
I've only told like 3 other people since then and it was mostly
me:I'm not doing too good how are you?
other person:I'm alright. whats wrong?
me:well, my uncle died.
OP:are you alright?
me:yeah
OP:well if you need anything just say I'll be there
so although very nice its not like I worked trough much with them. and I haven't even spoke face to face to anyone about it except for the people at my school and even then it was just
OP:why weren't you in the other day?
me:oh...my uncle died
OP:oh...
although one person did try to ask me how are you but she said it so quietly that I'm not sure she actually said that.
so basically I'm feeling a little lonely today. I'm sure it will pass it may also be because I have been in my house for 3 days because of tonsillitis...boo YOU VIRUS WHORE!