HOLIDAY 2009
Yes it is December 2009 already and a few more weeks 2010 will emerge...I don't know if it makes any sense for me to think about my age since I am still young. I feel OLD already !!! This is no good. To think that I am in early 20s, I should at least have A GOAL to chase after...I realize now that I DON'T HAVE ANY and I clearly need one. I am lost. Looking at the success of other people at my age, I feel like I haven't done much and these last few years have been just a waste.
I know it's stupid to compare my life to a celebrity's life because their career is a its peak when they are young. Still, I feel like I could have done more to my life. I am envious of those young celebs who are able to make tons of money out of CF making and other dramas >___< I keep on planning and planning and there are no real progress. I know I need to start off at university but isn't everyone going university these days? I am not the only one who has the average brain....Plenty of others can do the same thing as I do, get better grades than I am. I tried to be confident on what I decide on so my mind would feel less pressure. In truth, I am insecure and confused. I need someone to ensure that my life will go well.
I admit that I am very ambitious. I never am ever satisfied with what I have. I always desire something better and better each time. My greeds for materials and other things in life never stop. I guess I am not the only one but somehow I don't these many types of people like me out there. My friends are pretty much content with what they have so far and they just want to reach to a certain level, whereas I am more forward looking. I want to be first. I want to be the best..and of course I know I have to work for it . I just don't know where to start.
The holiday break just started not too long ago and I already feel bored. I need something to do. Part time job? NO way because it just wastes my time. I learn absolutely nothing from part time job except it drains out my stamina. I want a part time job where it can shape up my skills for my future career....and those jobs I know for sure already taken by the smarter kids. Life is so unfair and I can't accept it right now. Maybe I will be able to in a few more years. Right now I just can't. One more thing is communicating with strangers. I don't have the ability to go up to someone and say hey lets be friends. Pathetic me, yes. Kill me now but I can't do it in a natural way. I will go off watching some thing...or shopping to kill time~~~~ Spamming loads of icons I made last year...never got a chance to upload. My photoshop skills are amateur and not great at alll...I still have a long way to go...>___<
