(no subject)
I've been talking about this with some people recently. Casual sex. I've always been conflicted about it, because I just don't know how it works. Different people have different philosophies.
I don't necessarily speak out of a great wealth of experience, but I feel like this is a basic structure of how I view the whole thing. I'm actually a pretty old fashioned guy. I'm an advocate of monogamy. I admit to a double-standard when it comes to the behavior of men and women. But I also acknowledge the time and place in which I live. I enjoy freedom and human connection. Enough of my old fashioned values are tainted with new world hedonism that I just don't have a cohesive opinion on human sexuality. The fact that I'm blathering about casual sex on the internet should not necessarily imply it applies to my life. I've actually lived a pretty tame life. Well that's a lie, but I'm certainly not deserving of the criticisms that posting this will probably get me.
I've developed a four-tier system for my basic understanding of casual sex. People on the spectrum ascend according to mutual respect and connection, or some analogous concept for which I am lacking the proper term. I'll slip back and forth between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person without much regard.
-Tier One-
These are the people I don't respect enough to have sex with without losing respect for myself. The "I won't stoop that low" tier. Please remember that I'm not making this judgment based on looks.
-Tier Two-
These folks are hypothetical prime candidates. Sex can happen ideally here without the repercussions associated with tiers one and three. Though this sex isn't always good. It's more in the "place to thrust, preferrably moist" category. You just don't respect them enough to have romantic feelings for them. Biology at work.
-Tier Three-
These people I respect, or who respect me to a degree that makes casual sex precarious. These are the people with which feelings develop, where casual sex ceases to become casual, and pretty soon flirtation exceeds sexuality and flutters with romance. Expectations develop and undoubtedly someone wants more than the meaningless. Jealousy. In certain situations sex is alright, including but not limited to short time circumstances (ie visiting home for summer/holidays or just before moving away, though clearly communication must be made about the fact that circumstances supersede any potential lasting romance), etc.
-Tier Four-
These are rare. The stuff of legends. Sex is "meaningless," but not casual. It's rooted in a deep connection with a mutual understanding of the circumstances. Sex here is not seen as a building block (the danger of sex with tier threes) but as a celebration of what is already there.
Of course there are obvious blurred distinctions between "what sex is" and whether the perception of a tier is the same as a tier. I've definately found myself developing feelings I knew were best undeveloped. Loving comes too easy to me, I guess. Which is probably why my relationship/intimacy life is so convoluted.
I've never really liked the idea of casual sex because I generally romanticize sex in my own life to be like the magic in "Like Water for Chocolate." There's something about sexuality the way I like to percieve it that totally transcends biological directives. I mean, I'm 21 years old; I'm more than acquanted with biological directives, and while I acknowledge their impact on my life, I still choose to make distinctions.
I'd really like to hear what some other people have to say. This is really just a ramble and I'm not sure that I completely agree. I definately wasn't clear enough in my explanation, but it's 4:30 so I think I'm just going to go to bed.
I don't necessarily speak out of a great wealth of experience, but I feel like this is a basic structure of how I view the whole thing. I'm actually a pretty old fashioned guy. I'm an advocate of monogamy. I admit to a double-standard when it comes to the behavior of men and women. But I also acknowledge the time and place in which I live. I enjoy freedom and human connection. Enough of my old fashioned values are tainted with new world hedonism that I just don't have a cohesive opinion on human sexuality. The fact that I'm blathering about casual sex on the internet should not necessarily imply it applies to my life. I've actually lived a pretty tame life. Well that's a lie, but I'm certainly not deserving of the criticisms that posting this will probably get me.
I've developed a four-tier system for my basic understanding of casual sex. People on the spectrum ascend according to mutual respect and connection, or some analogous concept for which I am lacking the proper term. I'll slip back and forth between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person without much regard.
-Tier One-
These are the people I don't respect enough to have sex with without losing respect for myself. The "I won't stoop that low" tier. Please remember that I'm not making this judgment based on looks.
-Tier Two-
These folks are hypothetical prime candidates. Sex can happen ideally here without the repercussions associated with tiers one and three. Though this sex isn't always good. It's more in the "place to thrust, preferrably moist" category. You just don't respect them enough to have romantic feelings for them. Biology at work.
-Tier Three-
These people I respect, or who respect me to a degree that makes casual sex precarious. These are the people with which feelings develop, where casual sex ceases to become casual, and pretty soon flirtation exceeds sexuality and flutters with romance. Expectations develop and undoubtedly someone wants more than the meaningless. Jealousy. In certain situations sex is alright, including but not limited to short time circumstances (ie visiting home for summer/holidays or just before moving away, though clearly communication must be made about the fact that circumstances supersede any potential lasting romance), etc.
-Tier Four-
These are rare. The stuff of legends. Sex is "meaningless," but not casual. It's rooted in a deep connection with a mutual understanding of the circumstances. Sex here is not seen as a building block (the danger of sex with tier threes) but as a celebration of what is already there.
Of course there are obvious blurred distinctions between "what sex is" and whether the perception of a tier is the same as a tier. I've definately found myself developing feelings I knew were best undeveloped. Loving comes too easy to me, I guess. Which is probably why my relationship/intimacy life is so convoluted.
I've never really liked the idea of casual sex because I generally romanticize sex in my own life to be like the magic in "Like Water for Chocolate." There's something about sexuality the way I like to percieve it that totally transcends biological directives. I mean, I'm 21 years old; I'm more than acquanted with biological directives, and while I acknowledge their impact on my life, I still choose to make distinctions.
I'd really like to hear what some other people have to say. This is really just a ramble and I'm not sure that I completely agree. I definately wasn't clear enough in my explanation, but it's 4:30 so I think I'm just going to go to bed.