Day 6 Without My Vehicle
Let me just start this entry out with apologizing for my previous post. There really was NOTHING in yesterday's post, that had any relation to this project. True...it was a pretty 'easy' day, as far as the whole "no vehicle" thing is concerned. But still, I should have at least attempted to write about the experience of not having a vehicle yesterday...even if it would have been mildly boring.
Instead, I used my post yesterday to vent. I wrote about the disappearance of my mother's jewelry, and how it has bothered me, tremendously. I wrote about the pain and betrayal that I am now feeling. Because, even though I really don't want to think it--even though the very thought of it makes me sick to my stomach--deep down, I KNOW who did this.
I needed to vent, when I came to my blog, last night. And, while venting is allowed (because, after all, it is my blog, and I can write whatever the hell I want), there really should have been some talk of my fifth day, without my vehicle.
Anyway...
Today is day 6, without my vehicle. I am starting this post, in the morning, as I have my cup of coffee. My gray kitty, Samantha, is curling herself around my legs, and purring up a storm. Forty minutes ago, at 8am sharp, I got a phone call. (Let me just say this, right now...I thought the ring tone that I chose a few days back, would be fun. I thought it would put me in the mood, for what has always been one of my favorite holidays. It was creepy, and I absolutely loved it...when I set it as my default ring tone. But, that changed this morning. Waking up to the theme music of Halloween is most definitely not a fun experience.) It was my physical therapist. (I go to help build strength in my legs. Spending YEARS in a wheelchair can really give one weak leg muscles.) They were calling to confirm my 10:30 appointment, this morning.
An appointment that I had completely forgot about. You see, this will be my first appointment with my physical therapist, in over 2 weeks. She was on vacation, and I simply refuse to see anyone else. So, I got a little break, myself. "So," the polite receptionist spoke in the phone. "Lisa is back, and ready to see you. We will see you then at 10:30."
I hung up the phone, really wishing that I had use of my moped. But, as we all know, I have 9 more days go (excluding today), before that happens. And, just my luck, there is no bus, that goes to the location of the physical therapy office. (Yet another reason to hate the Temecula bus system. Not only do you have to wait FOREVER to get a bus. But, there are more than a few places in this city, where the buses simply REFUSE to go.)
Now, I know I said that, if I couldn't take a bus, I would try to get a cab. But, this ride would cost a small fortune, and I'm currently close to being broke. (Damn the INSANE cost of college texts!) So, I had to break one of the rules, here. (Or, should I say, "mildly bend" one of the rules.) I had to ask if my mother would be willing to drive me to my appointment. Boy...talk about how pathetic that is. Thirty year old Michael still needs "mommy" to give him rides to important appointments.
Talk about feeling humiliated!
The weird part is this. Like I said, back in the earlier part of this year, I was having to rely on other people to help me get from "point A" to "point B". I have only had my moped for a short time, actually. And I thought that that would make it easier, to give it up. I thought that, since I was relying on others up until not too long ago, it wouldn't be all that difficult to go back to that way of life.
WRONG!
It is awful! Up until getting the moped, I really had no idea of the joy one can get, from going anywhere, anytime. I mean, even being able to take myself to my therapy appointments was something that I looked forward to. I got used to not having to ask people to take me places. And now...having to go back to it. Well, it sucks!
And of course, my mother was more than willing to drive me to the appointment. But that's not the point. The point is that, after FINALLY being able to take myself wherever I wanted to go, I now see how truly humbling it is, having to get shuttled around.
And, what should happen, when I get to physical therapy? Well, I am glad you asked.
One of the therapists--a self-important man, who has the ability to make me feel like the lowest scum of the earth, with his not-so-funny jabs--asked me where my moped was. (Normally, I park it in front of the window where he works.)
"I decided to see what it would be like, to go without it, for a while. Just to see how much I take it for granted." He asked if I didn't ride the moped, how I got there. I told him my mother brought me, feeling the sweat of embarrassment form on my forehead.
And he gave this look. The horrible man gave me this look, that basically said: Oh! Having to get other people to cart your ass around. (And, might I add, I am pretty sure he would have actually said these words aloud, if he were aloud to do so.) Then, just to make me really wish I could tell him how horrible I think he really is, he actually rolled his eyes at me, as though he had some right to judge me.
God! What I wouldn't give to be there, on the day when this man has to have his wife drive him to work, because his car won't start.
Anyway...
Day 6 is now over. My pride is a little bit wounded, after having to rely on my mother to get me where I needed to go. And I realized something today. With each new sacrifice, I will be giving up more than just that thing, itself. For example, I have given up my vehicle. But also, I have given up the sense of dependency, and the feeling of being in control of my own life.
Well, that is it for now. I have a cold beer in the fridge, calling my name.
Instead, I used my post yesterday to vent. I wrote about the disappearance of my mother's jewelry, and how it has bothered me, tremendously. I wrote about the pain and betrayal that I am now feeling. Because, even though I really don't want to think it--even though the very thought of it makes me sick to my stomach--deep down, I KNOW who did this.
I needed to vent, when I came to my blog, last night. And, while venting is allowed (because, after all, it is my blog, and I can write whatever the hell I want), there really should have been some talk of my fifth day, without my vehicle.
Anyway...
Today is day 6, without my vehicle. I am starting this post, in the morning, as I have my cup of coffee. My gray kitty, Samantha, is curling herself around my legs, and purring up a storm. Forty minutes ago, at 8am sharp, I got a phone call. (Let me just say this, right now...I thought the ring tone that I chose a few days back, would be fun. I thought it would put me in the mood, for what has always been one of my favorite holidays. It was creepy, and I absolutely loved it...when I set it as my default ring tone. But, that changed this morning. Waking up to the theme music of Halloween is most definitely not a fun experience.) It was my physical therapist. (I go to help build strength in my legs. Spending YEARS in a wheelchair can really give one weak leg muscles.) They were calling to confirm my 10:30 appointment, this morning.
An appointment that I had completely forgot about. You see, this will be my first appointment with my physical therapist, in over 2 weeks. She was on vacation, and I simply refuse to see anyone else. So, I got a little break, myself. "So," the polite receptionist spoke in the phone. "Lisa is back, and ready to see you. We will see you then at 10:30."
I hung up the phone, really wishing that I had use of my moped. But, as we all know, I have 9 more days go (excluding today), before that happens. And, just my luck, there is no bus, that goes to the location of the physical therapy office. (Yet another reason to hate the Temecula bus system. Not only do you have to wait FOREVER to get a bus. But, there are more than a few places in this city, where the buses simply REFUSE to go.)
Now, I know I said that, if I couldn't take a bus, I would try to get a cab. But, this ride would cost a small fortune, and I'm currently close to being broke. (Damn the INSANE cost of college texts!) So, I had to break one of the rules, here. (Or, should I say, "mildly bend" one of the rules.) I had to ask if my mother would be willing to drive me to my appointment. Boy...talk about how pathetic that is. Thirty year old Michael still needs "mommy" to give him rides to important appointments.
Talk about feeling humiliated!
The weird part is this. Like I said, back in the earlier part of this year, I was having to rely on other people to help me get from "point A" to "point B". I have only had my moped for a short time, actually. And I thought that that would make it easier, to give it up. I thought that, since I was relying on others up until not too long ago, it wouldn't be all that difficult to go back to that way of life.
WRONG!
It is awful! Up until getting the moped, I really had no idea of the joy one can get, from going anywhere, anytime. I mean, even being able to take myself to my therapy appointments was something that I looked forward to. I got used to not having to ask people to take me places. And now...having to go back to it. Well, it sucks!
And of course, my mother was more than willing to drive me to the appointment. But that's not the point. The point is that, after FINALLY being able to take myself wherever I wanted to go, I now see how truly humbling it is, having to get shuttled around.
And, what should happen, when I get to physical therapy? Well, I am glad you asked.
One of the therapists--a self-important man, who has the ability to make me feel like the lowest scum of the earth, with his not-so-funny jabs--asked me where my moped was. (Normally, I park it in front of the window where he works.)
"I decided to see what it would be like, to go without it, for a while. Just to see how much I take it for granted." He asked if I didn't ride the moped, how I got there. I told him my mother brought me, feeling the sweat of embarrassment form on my forehead.
And he gave this look. The horrible man gave me this look, that basically said: Oh! Having to get other people to cart your ass around. (And, might I add, I am pretty sure he would have actually said these words aloud, if he were aloud to do so.) Then, just to make me really wish I could tell him how horrible I think he really is, he actually rolled his eyes at me, as though he had some right to judge me.
God! What I wouldn't give to be there, on the day when this man has to have his wife drive him to work, because his car won't start.
Anyway...
Day 6 is now over. My pride is a little bit wounded, after having to rely on my mother to get me where I needed to go. And I realized something today. With each new sacrifice, I will be giving up more than just that thing, itself. For example, I have given up my vehicle. But also, I have given up the sense of dependency, and the feeling of being in control of my own life.
Well, that is it for now. I have a cold beer in the fridge, calling my name.