(no subject)

[tofutti_fiend]

so much is happening in my mind.

i should stop drinking coffee. my mind goes fucking haywire.

im so happy. yet unsure, of what is going on exactly.
i feel like i should cry, but yet
i have no reason to cry.
but i really want to just cry.

things will be fine.
i have to stop. i dont know, but i feel so uneasy.
haywire isnt the right word, but it seems to describe the feeling.

i feel anxious.
im finally really fed up. with so much.
that i think subconsiously something is happening.

hardening.

i feel like im doing something wrong.
all wrong.

but then,
i think no, im just preparing myself.
self-defense.

for something,
i dont know what yet.

but i feel like i have to be prepared to fight something off.
something.
i dont know what yet,
but i feel it.

and im so scared again.
im so scared.
because i told him i love him
and i do, i really do.

but maybe i shouldnt have said it.
maybe i shouldnt have said it just yet,
its not the right time.

something wasnt quite right.

or was it?

IDONTKNOWTHEANSWERS.

im so scared that i have pushed to much.
was that too much?
truth.

i have to learn.

and i keep getting fatter.
and i hate it.