Thanksgiving was hard =(
This being the first Thanksgiving I've ever spent away from home, it was very hard. See, I don't necessarily feel sorry for myself, but I feel sadness for my mom because I know it is hard on her most of all. Melissa said mom hadn't cried TODAY, but the implication is that she has cried many times in the past because she misses me and wonders if I'm safe and happy.
There are many things I don't have in this life - a perfect body, superior height, supreme athletic or mental ability, excessive riches, but I do have a great core family and sometimes I forget to be grateful. Many people don't have a close family and I feel so lucky, and SAD, sometimes, that I do. If I didn't love them so much it wouldn't hurt to be away.
We went to Jeanine and Jon's house for dinner yesterday and I burst into tears in the kitchen by accident when Jeanine asked me how my day was going, sure didn't mean to, it just happened. told her how much I missed my family.
Jennie called me yesterday and told me I don't sound happy and she's right. I hate to tell myself this because I don't want to leave just yet, but either things have to improve or I need to leave. I have great family and friends I left behind to move out to Hawaii and I don't want to miss out on loving them because I am determined, despite being miserable, to live on Maui. Howie just has this way of belittling me, yelling at me with a soft voice, cutting me down, something like that, and he says he can't help it because his father yelled at him for 20 years and these behaviors are ingrained in him but he is working to overcome them. Plus I have unreasonable expectations of him - he is my only friend right now and that is would be a difficult burden for anyone to bear.
There are many things I don't have in this life - a perfect body, superior height, supreme athletic or mental ability, excessive riches, but I do have a great core family and sometimes I forget to be grateful. Many people don't have a close family and I feel so lucky, and SAD, sometimes, that I do. If I didn't love them so much it wouldn't hurt to be away.
We went to Jeanine and Jon's house for dinner yesterday and I burst into tears in the kitchen by accident when Jeanine asked me how my day was going, sure didn't mean to, it just happened. told her how much I missed my family.
Jennie called me yesterday and told me I don't sound happy and she's right. I hate to tell myself this because I don't want to leave just yet, but either things have to improve or I need to leave. I have great family and friends I left behind to move out to Hawaii and I don't want to miss out on loving them because I am determined, despite being miserable, to live on Maui. Howie just has this way of belittling me, yelling at me with a soft voice, cutting me down, something like that, and he says he can't help it because his father yelled at him for 20 years and these behaviors are ingrained in him but he is working to overcome them. Plus I have unreasonable expectations of him - he is my only friend right now and that is would be a difficult burden for anyone to bear.