This is all just so ridiculous...
I feel so mixed up. I'm still thinking about Saturday night. I keep hearing Andy telling me, "I just smoked with your dad" over and over again in my head. The tone of voice he had, that stunned pride like something unexpectedly great had just happened. I don't think he even considers that I could be upset about it.
And I feel like my father knows that I know and is tennis balling back and forth between avoiding me and reaching out to me. I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to look at him. This just blows my mind. I feel so irritated about it. The man who lectured me my entire life about responsibility, breaking trust, and being a role model to people smoking in the garage with my 20 year old friend. It just shatters my image of him. I always thought he was the kid at heart, but the responsible in the head. The kind of guy who could play games, take risks, enjoy life, but keep everything in check. I don't even know what I think about him anymore.
I don't know who to be upset about more. The person who contradicted everything he ever told me or the person who annihilated my trust.
This is just so ridiculous. I feel I should tell my father that I know what happened, how could he think Andy wouldn't tell me? and that I just can't wrap my mind around how absolutely devastating it was to the trust and respect I have for him.
This isn't my fault.
And I feel like my father knows that I know and is tennis balling back and forth between avoiding me and reaching out to me. I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to look at him. This just blows my mind. I feel so irritated about it. The man who lectured me my entire life about responsibility, breaking trust, and being a role model to people smoking in the garage with my 20 year old friend. It just shatters my image of him. I always thought he was the kid at heart, but the responsible in the head. The kind of guy who could play games, take risks, enjoy life, but keep everything in check. I don't even know what I think about him anymore.
I don't know who to be upset about more. The person who contradicted everything he ever told me or the person who annihilated my trust.
This is just so ridiculous. I feel I should tell my father that I know what happened, how could he think Andy wouldn't tell me? and that I just can't wrap my mind around how absolutely devastating it was to the trust and respect I have for him.
This isn't my fault.