Houston, We Have a Problem
Being in reclusion for the past few weeks, I decided I wanted to check up on the Powerpuff Girls FanFiction page on ffnet.
Oh my god. Oh My God. OH MY FLIPPING-DRIPPING-SLIPPING GOD.
VAMPIRES AND HIGH SCHOOL AND SEX AND (oh my GOD) VAMPIRES AGAIN.
It's terrible.
Every single time I saw another summary excerpt with the words "vampire", "mate", and "lust", another thing vital and dear to my heart just DIED.
What in the name of Sam Hill is happening to the world of Powerpuff Girl fanfiction? I mean, I can't even blame illiterate first graders because the show hasn't even been running for five years. FIVE YEARS. Well, maybe there are some fifth graders who are unfamiliar with the invention of spellcheck but GEEZ LOUISE. I didn't mind Twilight when it first came out, but if it is corrupting the minds of impressionable middle schoolers, then SO BE IT, I will be the first to join the Anti-Twilight Saga Club.
God, I'm so ticked off that I need to split this thing into sections.
i. GRAMMAR
I'll be the first to admit that my grasp on the nuances of the english language is very basic. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm missing a few commas and tenses throughout this whole rant piece. BUT! (<- see? INCOMPLETE SENTENCE)
I have standards. I'm pretty sure that I never forgot a period. I capitalize the first letter of the first word in my sentences (at least 99.8% of them anyway), names, and titles. I NEVER (EVER) mistake a curvacious question mark for the simple period.
What is the point of public education if it fails to teach an idiot the difference between a question and a statement?! WHAT? I refuse to believe that these same people hand in thier homework or write their timed essays for standardized tests in this horrible format. Actually, that makes it WORSE. It shows that they don't really have the time or patience or care to make sure that their works avoid the most OBVIOUS errors that a kindergartener could point out. It means that they don't even care enough to proofread, which even the most mediocre make sure to do, and are just careless.
Its vs. It's
Your vs. You're
Either vs. Neither
Their vs. There vs. They're
An vs. A vs. And ( I am dead serious. It's been done. Repeatedly.)
To vs. Two vs. Too
Elementary, damn it!
ii. SPELLING
One shmuck spelled idiot "idyut". That is all I have to say.
iii. CONTENT
I'm alright with Twilight. Twilight is just fine. There are far more degrading artifices to young adult fiction than a vampire-werewolf-human love triangle that actually manages to pull it off and make it big time, considering the content.
It's when Meyer-wannabes start adding HAWT VAMPS, DORMS, AND COLLEGE SEX LOIFES that I take out the chain saw. Yes, high school fanfiction is inevitable and a guilty pleasure for us all. BUT ONE CANNOT COMBINE SUPERNATURAL CREATURES WITH SECONDARY EDUCATION if one is not willing to check for proper grammar and spelling (see sections i. and ii.)! If you're going to make the content cliche, then at least make sure that it doesn't LOOK ridiculous, never mind SOUND riduculous.
And yes, if your story is about how the girls turn into bloodthirsty, bodacious, badass bitches... actually, forget it. You're doomed straight from the getgo.
Rowdyruff and Powerpuff is my favorite pairing too. However, providing I get over myself and write something, at least I don't deprive them of their individual personalities. Honestly. Blossom is not Buttercup is not Bubbles. They do not have the same clothes. They do not have the same car. They do not have (all of) the same interests and they most certainly do not talk EXACTLY THE SAME. Just because they're sisters does not mean you can create one character and apply it to three different people all at the same time.
Same case for the Rowdyruff Boys. Brick is not Boomer is not Butch. They are not universal skirt chasers, convertible owners, constantly smirking bastards, or even in a band together. Please. They'd probably find ingenious methods of disembowlment using guitar strings and microphone stands. Key information: blood relations do not make siblings clones of each other. Not even identical twins are exactly alike.
And the SPEECH. Mother of van Helsing, you cannot add the word "like" to EVERY OTHER WORD to emphasize an antagonist's stupidity. You do not have to keep pointing out how slutty they are compared to the sexiness of the protagonist. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONSTANTLY REMIND THE READER THAT SHE IS A BITCHY WHORE WHO HAS STDS AND LISTENS TO HANNAH MONTANA (This is about most school-related fanfiction where someone like Princess or an OC is the decided "enemy").
Where are the other characters? Professor? You know, the scientist who created the PPG in the first place and who feeds, clothes, and being an all around good father? Or Ms. Keane? Or HIM? Or Sara Bellum and the Mayor, with his alarming affection for pickles?
As for plot, if I see one more "OMG PPGXRRB wut will happen nxt???", I'll scream, tear out my split ends, and run around town in my "I Love Originality" t-shirt.
Urg. It's late and I'm turning in. Peace.