whispers in the rain
SO. I have defeated her ONCE AGAIN.
Wednesday night, I was sitting in my bedroom TRYING, and failing miserably, to do my Math homework when all of the sudden I got this feeling of "I can't do this. I just want to lie down forever."
Which is how I sometimes get before I have a panic attack.
I thought that maybe I could get up and walk it off. So I came into the Living Room; there, sitting on the sofa, was my mother. She was talking to my sister in Pullman on her cell phone.
I came in and sat on the floor, across the room from her.
I was sitting there and she gives me a "what do you want?" look.
I said that I felt like I was gonna faint and she gave only a look of feigned interest.
Now, I'm very accustomed to such dismissive and neglectful behavior from just about everyone.
But this time, for some deranged reason beyond my knowledge, I got so pissed off and depressed about it.
I started to cry...no SOB.
My mother just kept talking to my sister, as I tried to silence the screaming in my head.
Finally, she looked over and said into the phone: "I think she's having some sort of anxiety attack, here talk her down..." she handed me the phone.
I love talking to my big sister, because for the most part she hates mom just as much as me. And tonight it did seem to calm me down and distract me.
As soon as I handed the phone back to my mom, I started crying AGAIN.
Much asking as to why I was crying ensued and I dismissed them with "I don't know." and went upstairs.
The next day when I woke up, I felt like shit. I've never been a morning type but this was worse then usual.
I told my mom and I took my temperature: 93.5 F.
I showed her the thermometer and she goes "well you don't have a fever..."
I was thinking "THAT'S ONLY ONE AND ONE HALF DEGREES AWAY FROM HYPOTHERMIA!"
So I went..." I really feel like shit mom..."
She said she thought I was trying to get out of something at school, but that I could stay home.
I slept ALL DAY. It was wonderful.
Friday there was no school so I went to the doctor at noon.
He said I had yet another upper respiratory tract infection and a cold.
He had me go to the technician so they could draw blood, which (tell me if im a loser) was SO COOL! I liked watching it leave the needle into the test tube.
I have Anemia and probably Mono.
After wards, my mom felt bad for thinking I was faking so she took me to Half Price Books and bought me two books, two videos and a CD. Then when we went to get my prescriptions filled, she bought me 2 magazine and a soda. I was all pleased.
I think it's funny that she feels guilty for saying I was faking only to find out later that I had a disease that could kill me.
Physically, I'm so used to being sick all the time that it doesn't seem to effect me so much anymore.
Wednesday night, I was sitting in my bedroom TRYING, and failing miserably, to do my Math homework when all of the sudden I got this feeling of "I can't do this. I just want to lie down forever."
Which is how I sometimes get before I have a panic attack.
I thought that maybe I could get up and walk it off. So I came into the Living Room; there, sitting on the sofa, was my mother. She was talking to my sister in Pullman on her cell phone.
I came in and sat on the floor, across the room from her.
I was sitting there and she gives me a "what do you want?" look.
I said that I felt like I was gonna faint and she gave only a look of feigned interest.
Now, I'm very accustomed to such dismissive and neglectful behavior from just about everyone.
But this time, for some deranged reason beyond my knowledge, I got so pissed off and depressed about it.
I started to cry...no SOB.
My mother just kept talking to my sister, as I tried to silence the screaming in my head.
Finally, she looked over and said into the phone: "I think she's having some sort of anxiety attack, here talk her down..." she handed me the phone.
I love talking to my big sister, because for the most part she hates mom just as much as me. And tonight it did seem to calm me down and distract me.
As soon as I handed the phone back to my mom, I started crying AGAIN.
Much asking as to why I was crying ensued and I dismissed them with "I don't know." and went upstairs.
The next day when I woke up, I felt like shit. I've never been a morning type but this was worse then usual.
I told my mom and I took my temperature: 93.5 F.
I showed her the thermometer and she goes "well you don't have a fever..."
I was thinking "THAT'S ONLY ONE AND ONE HALF DEGREES AWAY FROM HYPOTHERMIA!"
So I went..." I really feel like shit mom..."
She said she thought I was trying to get out of something at school, but that I could stay home.
I slept ALL DAY. It was wonderful.
Friday there was no school so I went to the doctor at noon.
He said I had yet another upper respiratory tract infection and a cold.
He had me go to the technician so they could draw blood, which (tell me if im a loser) was SO COOL! I liked watching it leave the needle into the test tube.
I have Anemia and probably Mono.
After wards, my mom felt bad for thinking I was faking so she took me to Half Price Books and bought me two books, two videos and a CD. Then when we went to get my prescriptions filled, she bought me 2 magazine and a soda. I was all pleased.
I think it's funny that she feels guilty for saying I was faking only to find out later that I had a disease that could kill me.
Physically, I'm so used to being sick all the time that it doesn't seem to effect me so much anymore.