This Time chapter 8
A Sara/Catherine story
This time she wants to get it right but nothing have ever worked out just because she wanted them to. So why should this time be any different but that doesn't mean she isn't willing to give it her all.
The characters of the CSI universe are not mine. The ones that you don't recogize are all mine.
Thanks to cathandsaraforever55 for doing the beta thing. The remaining mistakes are all mine.
Chapter 8
Catherine had spent most of the night thinking. The problem was that the blonde hadn’t been able to find one answer to Nancy’s questions. Not one. Which resulted in close to no sleep, and left the older woman exhausted and confused.
Why was it so hard figuring this out? Nancy knew something and wasn’t willing to share.
The one good thing about thinking through the night was that the blonde wasn’t angry anymore. Actually Catherine was more embarrassed than she could remember ever being before. This all happened because the older woman never could keep her mouth shut. They had started getting close; Sara had finally started feeling comfortable, and now without thinking Catherine had ruined everything. The question now was how did the blonde fix it, and was the younger woman even interested in mending their friendship.
Showing up early at Suzy’s, Catherine was anxiously waiting for the other woman to appear. Not having received a conformation from Sara the blonde hoped that didn’t mean the brunette would stay away.
Sara had spent the last hour debating with herself whether or not to meet the blonde or stay away. It had ended with the brunette sitting in her car in front of the diner trying to gather her nerve and go inside to face Catherine. The younger CSI was now 15 minutes late but had finally found the courage to talk to the other woman.
The blonde was getting more anxious as the minutes after nine grew. Sara was never late. In fact the brunette was always early. Even that time Greg told Sara a time 15 minutes later than the rest of the team. The older woman had almost convinced herself, that there was something wrong, when Sara walked up to her table.
Catherine’s eyes lit up as the blonde saw the younger woman and she beamed at Sara.
“I was starting to think that you wouldn’t show.”
“I wasn’t so sure myself.”
The brunette sat down as the waitress came up to them to take their order.
They both ordered coffee and nothing else; neither of them having the stomach to eat.
This is ridiculous; you’re the one that invited Sara. Pull yourself together Catherine, and apologize. At least explain. Heck you know what, open your mouth, or she’ll leave.
Why is she looking at me like that? Does she even want to talk? I was right. This is all a ruse to make sure Grissom is on her side. Smart Sidle, you have once again put yourself in a position for Catherine to screw with your mind. Leave now Sidle, that way you’ll at least have some dignity left.
When Sara started to stand up, the blonde finally snapped out of it.
“Please Sara…”
“Please what, Catherine?” The younger woman snapped and refused to sit down again.
“You don’t think you’ve done enough already? You don’t have to pretend; I’ll give Grissom my resignation and leave. That way the lab will be yours.”
With that said the brunette exited the diner, leaving a stunned blonde in her wake. The younger CSI hadn’t raised her voice, which scared Catherine more than anything. It was always easier to handle people who showed their emotions.
Realizing what the younger woman had said, Catherine almost flew out the diner.
“Sara, wait…”
The blonde yelled as she ran to catch up with the other woman. The blonde was slightly out of breath, but that didn’t stop the older CSI.
“I know this isn’t the best place, but I thought…”
Interrupting the older woman again, Sara didn’t want to listen.
“You thought what? That it would be better to have an audience for our fight?”
Sara was pissed and wasn’t about to let the blonde off the hook. There wasn’t any reason to play nice; the brunette was moving and that was that.
“Yeah, not to bright of me. Let me have another chance. I’ll explain everything and I’ll even let you yell at me.”
The edges of the blonde’s lips curled slightly, while the older woman tried to look as cute as Lindsey. Hoping that the brunette couldn’t say no to that.
It must have worked because the younger woman shrugged and got in her car saying, “Fine, we can talk at your house.”
Sara wasn’t ready to let the blonde into her apartment, and this way the brunette could up and leave if she felt like it.
Driving away the brunette fully expected the older woman to follow. Sara arrived at the house 5 minutes before Catherine. Using the extra time to work up her courage yet again.
Why am I so scared to face Catherine? We have been working together for more than 3 years, and I’ve never been afraid to stand up to her. Why now? Stop lying to yourself Sidle; you know why, you just don’t want to admit it.
Still lost in her thoughts the brunette was startled when Catherine knocked on the window.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
Sitting on the couch Sara was fidgeting while the blonde went into the kitchen.
“Can I get you something to drink? I have coffee, water and uhm…”
Looking into to fridge she finished with, “Juice. Lindsey left a little orange juice if you would like that.”
“Water will be fine.”
They were both uncomfortable. Sara was not about to start, and had no plans of making this easier for the blonde.
“I’m sorry about how I reacted.”
This would be simpler if the blonde knew why she had reacted the way she did. But there was no time to dwell on that now.
“Why are we doing this? We both know that whatever Grissom decides to do won’t affect you.”
Catherine finally saw that the brunette fully expected to be fired, because of a fight that the blonde had started and carried on alone. For the first time it dawned on the older woman that Grissom had been right, she did have it easy, and Sara was always the one that had to pay for Catherine’s actions. Now that the older CSI could see how her behavior had affected the brunette’s work life she was beyond ashamed.
However, she was still not sure how she felt, the older woman was certain, that she didn’t want Sara to leave Vegas, or to loose their friendship.
They had a lot of things to talk about through, if they were to get back on the path toward friendship. The problem was that the older CSI didn’t know where to start.
Where do you start, when you wrecked everything, and you don’t know why?
Sara’s going to leave again if you don’t get it together Catherine.
“I know this is my fault. I don’t want you to leave.”
The brunette didn’t have a very nice response, so thought it best to keep quite. A lesson learned the hard way. Though, when the younger woman was taught this particular lesson it was ´don’t say a word or move a muscle´. The times the younger woman hadn’t been able to follow this, the consequences had been severe and delivered swiftly.
“Please hear me out before you rightfully yell at me, or storm out the door.”
Catherine waited for some kind of sign from the brunette, as to whether the younger woman would let her talk or not. Not getting any outward sign, the blonde continued and hoped for the best.
Catherine started by telling Sara about the day she had had yesterday. Her mother’s version of what had occurred, and that Lindsey had refused to say any thing. She mentioned that Nancy apparently knew Lindsey’s version of the story and was refusing to tell it to Catherine. Catherine even told the brunette about her mother and the history the two sisters’ had with Lily. The story of why Nancy didn’t want their mom in Jeremy’s life.
The blonde had decided to tell Sara everything even if she would have preferred to keep the more embarrassing parts to herself. If the older woman was ever going to establish a friendship with Sara, she knew she had to be honest; not only with the brunette, but with herself.
The whole time Catherine talked the brunette didn’t say a word. Sara just listened with an unreadable face, and the older woman was finding it frustrating. The only time that the blonde had gotten any form a reaction from the younger CSI was when Lindsey was mentioned.
At least she hasn’t up and left, that must be a good sign. It would be so much easier if she allowed her emotions to show in her eyes.
What Catherine didn’t know was that if you knew the brunette even a little, she was as easy to read as an open book.
“Would you say something?”
“What is it you want me to say?”
Sara voice was slightly hoarse after having been quite for so long.
“That you’ll give me another chance. I know that what I said isn’t an excuse, but it’s an explanation. Hopefully that way you’ll understand why I reacted as I did.”
Even when I don’t.
Catherine crossed her fingers and looked pleadingly at the brunette. Sara’s face was still unreadable but the older woman thought that she saw a glimmer of light in the brunette’s eyes that hadn’t been there before.
“I’m not sure what it is that you want from me…” Sara held up her hand to stall the blonde before she could interrupt like Catherine appeared to want to do. The brunette needed to gather her thoughts at the same time as she tried to express them to the other woman. “In the time that I worked here you’ve been trying to get me fired or to resign…”
Catherine tried her hardest to keep quiet, not quite succeeding as a squeak escaped her as she slapped a hand over her mouth.
The blonde’s antics made Sara laugh and the light came back into the brunette’s eyes. This time the older woman couldn’t stop herself from saying what popped into her mind.
“You look beautiful when you laugh, you should do that more.”
That caught the brunette off guard. She hadn’t been told that she was beautiful in a long time, and it had been even longer since she had believed it.
“I don’t have that much to laugh at.”
The younger CSI was still smiling, though the sad look had sneaked back into her eyes.
“I’ll like to change that, if you’ll let me, that is.”
Catherine beamed at the younger woman, hoping that this was a good sign. At the older CSI’s comment Sara’s face once again became serious. The brunette was afraid to trust the other woman. What if something like this happened again when Sara had let Catherine in? Would the older woman use her new insight of the brunette to hurt the younger woman?
“You know that if we do this, it won’t be easy. You can’t fly of the handle when you have a bad day.”
The brunette looked imploringly at the older woman. Catherine could for the first time, since she had raised her voice the other day, see the feelings in the younger CSI’s eyes as clear as day. There was no mistaking it. This was the last chance the blonde would get.
Are you crazy Sidle? You know that you won’t survive it if Catherine hurts you again if you let her in. You know her track record, she speaks before she thinks. She may be sorry now, but what will happen the next time she has had a bad day, or when Lindsey has had a bad day?
“I know Sara, and I can’t promise that we’ll never fight again, because both of us seem to enjoy our difference of opinion, and my temper is volatile at best. I liked the time we spend together, and Lindsey loves her time with you.”
The blonde had said this so quickly that she was slightly winded, but she didn’t want to risk Sara cutting her off.
“You know you sound like Lindsey when you talk like that.”
The brunette stated as she smirked at the fast talking Catherine.
“I wasn’t expecting miracles, but if we disagree we have to keep the personal comments to ourselves. If this is okay with you I would like to try this friend thing.”
When Sara said that they could try again, the blonde felt ecstatic and would have agreed to anything. The smile on the older woman’s face was big and bright when she eagerly nodded yes to the brunette’s proposition.
The two women talked for several hours before Sara left to get ready for work and Catherine to spend a couple of hours with her daughter. They hadn’t solved all their problems, but they had both agreed to give their friendship a second chance.
The brunette was nervous of opening herself up for more hurt, but she was willing to give the other woman the benefit of the doubt; if for no other reason because she loved spending time with Lindsey.
Who are you trying to fool Sidle, you love spending time with Catherine too; not just Lindsey.
However, that didn’t mean that the brunette would let the older CSI in without thought. That would be setting herself up for disaster, and the last thing the younger woman needed was a broken heart.
The blonde hoped that she would be able to gain the younger woman’s trust. She thought that it would, if not solve everything, be a huge step in the right direction.
Never once did it occur to Catherine that she wasn’t any better at showing the brunette trust than she accused Sara off. Not that the blonde closed off like the younger woman did, but whenever there was the slightest reason, Catherine always came to the conclusion that the brunette was somehow to blame or had been in the wrong. The blonde might be more outgoing than Sara, but that didn’t mean that the older woman let people in. Catherine had always been good at keeping people at arms length without them knowing.
This time she wants to get it right but nothing have ever worked out just because she wanted them to. So why should this time be any different but that doesn't mean she isn't willing to give it her all.
The characters of the CSI universe are not mine. The ones that you don't recogize are all mine.
Thanks to cathandsaraforever55 for doing the beta thing. The remaining mistakes are all mine.
Chapter 8
Catherine had spent most of the night thinking. The problem was that the blonde hadn’t been able to find one answer to Nancy’s questions. Not one. Which resulted in close to no sleep, and left the older woman exhausted and confused.
Why was it so hard figuring this out? Nancy knew something and wasn’t willing to share.
The one good thing about thinking through the night was that the blonde wasn’t angry anymore. Actually Catherine was more embarrassed than she could remember ever being before. This all happened because the older woman never could keep her mouth shut. They had started getting close; Sara had finally started feeling comfortable, and now without thinking Catherine had ruined everything. The question now was how did the blonde fix it, and was the younger woman even interested in mending their friendship.
Showing up early at Suzy’s, Catherine was anxiously waiting for the other woman to appear. Not having received a conformation from Sara the blonde hoped that didn’t mean the brunette would stay away.
Sara had spent the last hour debating with herself whether or not to meet the blonde or stay away. It had ended with the brunette sitting in her car in front of the diner trying to gather her nerve and go inside to face Catherine. The younger CSI was now 15 minutes late but had finally found the courage to talk to the other woman.
The blonde was getting more anxious as the minutes after nine grew. Sara was never late. In fact the brunette was always early. Even that time Greg told Sara a time 15 minutes later than the rest of the team. The older woman had almost convinced herself, that there was something wrong, when Sara walked up to her table.
Catherine’s eyes lit up as the blonde saw the younger woman and she beamed at Sara.
“I was starting to think that you wouldn’t show.”
“I wasn’t so sure myself.”
The brunette sat down as the waitress came up to them to take their order.
They both ordered coffee and nothing else; neither of them having the stomach to eat.
This is ridiculous; you’re the one that invited Sara. Pull yourself together Catherine, and apologize. At least explain. Heck you know what, open your mouth, or she’ll leave.
Why is she looking at me like that? Does she even want to talk? I was right. This is all a ruse to make sure Grissom is on her side. Smart Sidle, you have once again put yourself in a position for Catherine to screw with your mind. Leave now Sidle, that way you’ll at least have some dignity left.
When Sara started to stand up, the blonde finally snapped out of it.
“Please Sara…”
“Please what, Catherine?” The younger woman snapped and refused to sit down again.
“You don’t think you’ve done enough already? You don’t have to pretend; I’ll give Grissom my resignation and leave. That way the lab will be yours.”
With that said the brunette exited the diner, leaving a stunned blonde in her wake. The younger CSI hadn’t raised her voice, which scared Catherine more than anything. It was always easier to handle people who showed their emotions.
Realizing what the younger woman had said, Catherine almost flew out the diner.
“Sara, wait…”
The blonde yelled as she ran to catch up with the other woman. The blonde was slightly out of breath, but that didn’t stop the older CSI.
“I know this isn’t the best place, but I thought…”
Interrupting the older woman again, Sara didn’t want to listen.
“You thought what? That it would be better to have an audience for our fight?”
Sara was pissed and wasn’t about to let the blonde off the hook. There wasn’t any reason to play nice; the brunette was moving and that was that.
“Yeah, not to bright of me. Let me have another chance. I’ll explain everything and I’ll even let you yell at me.”
The edges of the blonde’s lips curled slightly, while the older woman tried to look as cute as Lindsey. Hoping that the brunette couldn’t say no to that.
It must have worked because the younger woman shrugged and got in her car saying, “Fine, we can talk at your house.”
Sara wasn’t ready to let the blonde into her apartment, and this way the brunette could up and leave if she felt like it.
Driving away the brunette fully expected the older woman to follow. Sara arrived at the house 5 minutes before Catherine. Using the extra time to work up her courage yet again.
Why am I so scared to face Catherine? We have been working together for more than 3 years, and I’ve never been afraid to stand up to her. Why now? Stop lying to yourself Sidle; you know why, you just don’t want to admit it.
Still lost in her thoughts the brunette was startled when Catherine knocked on the window.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
Sitting on the couch Sara was fidgeting while the blonde went into the kitchen.
“Can I get you something to drink? I have coffee, water and uhm…”
Looking into to fridge she finished with, “Juice. Lindsey left a little orange juice if you would like that.”
“Water will be fine.”
They were both uncomfortable. Sara was not about to start, and had no plans of making this easier for the blonde.
“I’m sorry about how I reacted.”
This would be simpler if the blonde knew why she had reacted the way she did. But there was no time to dwell on that now.
“Why are we doing this? We both know that whatever Grissom decides to do won’t affect you.”
Catherine finally saw that the brunette fully expected to be fired, because of a fight that the blonde had started and carried on alone. For the first time it dawned on the older woman that Grissom had been right, she did have it easy, and Sara was always the one that had to pay for Catherine’s actions. Now that the older CSI could see how her behavior had affected the brunette’s work life she was beyond ashamed.
However, she was still not sure how she felt, the older woman was certain, that she didn’t want Sara to leave Vegas, or to loose their friendship.
They had a lot of things to talk about through, if they were to get back on the path toward friendship. The problem was that the older CSI didn’t know where to start.
Where do you start, when you wrecked everything, and you don’t know why?
Sara’s going to leave again if you don’t get it together Catherine.
“I know this is my fault. I don’t want you to leave.”
The brunette didn’t have a very nice response, so thought it best to keep quite. A lesson learned the hard way. Though, when the younger woman was taught this particular lesson it was ´don’t say a word or move a muscle´. The times the younger woman hadn’t been able to follow this, the consequences had been severe and delivered swiftly.
“Please hear me out before you rightfully yell at me, or storm out the door.”
Catherine waited for some kind of sign from the brunette, as to whether the younger woman would let her talk or not. Not getting any outward sign, the blonde continued and hoped for the best.
Catherine started by telling Sara about the day she had had yesterday. Her mother’s version of what had occurred, and that Lindsey had refused to say any thing. She mentioned that Nancy apparently knew Lindsey’s version of the story and was refusing to tell it to Catherine. Catherine even told the brunette about her mother and the history the two sisters’ had with Lily. The story of why Nancy didn’t want their mom in Jeremy’s life.
The blonde had decided to tell Sara everything even if she would have preferred to keep the more embarrassing parts to herself. If the older woman was ever going to establish a friendship with Sara, she knew she had to be honest; not only with the brunette, but with herself.
The whole time Catherine talked the brunette didn’t say a word. Sara just listened with an unreadable face, and the older woman was finding it frustrating. The only time that the blonde had gotten any form a reaction from the younger CSI was when Lindsey was mentioned.
At least she hasn’t up and left, that must be a good sign. It would be so much easier if she allowed her emotions to show in her eyes.
What Catherine didn’t know was that if you knew the brunette even a little, she was as easy to read as an open book.
“Would you say something?”
“What is it you want me to say?”
Sara voice was slightly hoarse after having been quite for so long.
“That you’ll give me another chance. I know that what I said isn’t an excuse, but it’s an explanation. Hopefully that way you’ll understand why I reacted as I did.”
Even when I don’t.
Catherine crossed her fingers and looked pleadingly at the brunette. Sara’s face was still unreadable but the older woman thought that she saw a glimmer of light in the brunette’s eyes that hadn’t been there before.
“I’m not sure what it is that you want from me…” Sara held up her hand to stall the blonde before she could interrupt like Catherine appeared to want to do. The brunette needed to gather her thoughts at the same time as she tried to express them to the other woman. “In the time that I worked here you’ve been trying to get me fired or to resign…”
Catherine tried her hardest to keep quiet, not quite succeeding as a squeak escaped her as she slapped a hand over her mouth.
The blonde’s antics made Sara laugh and the light came back into the brunette’s eyes. This time the older woman couldn’t stop herself from saying what popped into her mind.
“You look beautiful when you laugh, you should do that more.”
That caught the brunette off guard. She hadn’t been told that she was beautiful in a long time, and it had been even longer since she had believed it.
“I don’t have that much to laugh at.”
The younger CSI was still smiling, though the sad look had sneaked back into her eyes.
“I’ll like to change that, if you’ll let me, that is.”
Catherine beamed at the younger woman, hoping that this was a good sign. At the older CSI’s comment Sara’s face once again became serious. The brunette was afraid to trust the other woman. What if something like this happened again when Sara had let Catherine in? Would the older woman use her new insight of the brunette to hurt the younger woman?
“You know that if we do this, it won’t be easy. You can’t fly of the handle when you have a bad day.”
The brunette looked imploringly at the older woman. Catherine could for the first time, since she had raised her voice the other day, see the feelings in the younger CSI’s eyes as clear as day. There was no mistaking it. This was the last chance the blonde would get.
Are you crazy Sidle? You know that you won’t survive it if Catherine hurts you again if you let her in. You know her track record, she speaks before she thinks. She may be sorry now, but what will happen the next time she has had a bad day, or when Lindsey has had a bad day?
“I know Sara, and I can’t promise that we’ll never fight again, because both of us seem to enjoy our difference of opinion, and my temper is volatile at best. I liked the time we spend together, and Lindsey loves her time with you.”
The blonde had said this so quickly that she was slightly winded, but she didn’t want to risk Sara cutting her off.
“You know you sound like Lindsey when you talk like that.”
The brunette stated as she smirked at the fast talking Catherine.
“I wasn’t expecting miracles, but if we disagree we have to keep the personal comments to ourselves. If this is okay with you I would like to try this friend thing.”
When Sara said that they could try again, the blonde felt ecstatic and would have agreed to anything. The smile on the older woman’s face was big and bright when she eagerly nodded yes to the brunette’s proposition.
The two women talked for several hours before Sara left to get ready for work and Catherine to spend a couple of hours with her daughter. They hadn’t solved all their problems, but they had both agreed to give their friendship a second chance.
The brunette was nervous of opening herself up for more hurt, but she was willing to give the other woman the benefit of the doubt; if for no other reason because she loved spending time with Lindsey.
Who are you trying to fool Sidle, you love spending time with Catherine too; not just Lindsey.
However, that didn’t mean that the brunette would let the older CSI in without thought. That would be setting herself up for disaster, and the last thing the younger woman needed was a broken heart.
The blonde hoped that she would be able to gain the younger woman’s trust. She thought that it would, if not solve everything, be a huge step in the right direction.
Never once did it occur to Catherine that she wasn’t any better at showing the brunette trust than she accused Sara off. Not that the blonde closed off like the younger woman did, but whenever there was the slightest reason, Catherine always came to the conclusion that the brunette was somehow to blame or had been in the wrong. The blonde might be more outgoing than Sara, but that didn’t mean that the older woman let people in. Catherine had always been good at keeping people at arms length without them knowing.