(no subject)
Lately I've been slightly unhappy about things. Which isn't really how I should be feeling. I mean, things are amazing, just some not so amazing things have been happening, and I feel bummed out. I've also just been really doubtful about so many things lately. And I really need to start being more dependent on myself rather than other people for happiness. Its so hard. I have a lot of things to work on with myself. Mainly being secure and confident in my own life and personality so that I can be ready for when people or things or friendships dont work out. I dont really know what I'm saying....
I just need to get serious and start taking better care of myself, my things, my money, school work in general. No matter how many times I tell myself this, I never see any real change. I'm finally getting to the point that I'm so sick of where I am in my progress of self change and improvement that I'm actually ready to REALLY start to change. It's kind of saddening that it has taken this long for me to realize...this is my life. One life. And It's up to me to change it and make it how I want it to be. I think the main reason for me feeling like this is a mixture of being unsatisfied with the friends I have made over the year that I have lived here. I haven't made any real bonds like the frienships I had back home. It seems like all of you have easily adjusted to new people and places, while I have been pressuring myself so much to meet new people that it just doesnt happen. Or it does but I'm awkward. I dont know....I kind of wish I had figured out what I wanted to do with my life earlier, and tried harder to get into a four year school, and lived in a dorm where I could have met a bunch of people. I guess this is just how it goes....being unhappy makes me even more unhappy because i feel bad about not apprecitaing the things I have. But no one likes a complainer, I just need to start making changes now. It will all work out for the best.
I just need to get serious and start taking better care of myself, my things, my money, school work in general. No matter how many times I tell myself this, I never see any real change. I'm finally getting to the point that I'm so sick of where I am in my progress of self change and improvement that I'm actually ready to REALLY start to change. It's kind of saddening that it has taken this long for me to realize...this is my life. One life. And It's up to me to change it and make it how I want it to be. I think the main reason for me feeling like this is a mixture of being unsatisfied with the friends I have made over the year that I have lived here. I haven't made any real bonds like the frienships I had back home. It seems like all of you have easily adjusted to new people and places, while I have been pressuring myself so much to meet new people that it just doesnt happen. Or it does but I'm awkward. I dont know....I kind of wish I had figured out what I wanted to do with my life earlier, and tried harder to get into a four year school, and lived in a dorm where I could have met a bunch of people. I guess this is just how it goes....being unhappy makes me even more unhappy because i feel bad about not apprecitaing the things I have. But no one likes a complainer, I just need to start making changes now. It will all work out for the best.