The Post to Explain All Posts
I am a MISERABLE person!! TERRIBLE HORRIBLE EVIL WHORE!!
So Clint and I have been getting pretty close. And as of last night, I officially broke my New Year's Resolution to be boyfriend-free this year. Honestly? We were acting like it, talking like it, etc. So I was like fine. No use in trying to say you're sticking to something when you're clearly not.
Normally when people first get a boyfriend, they're pretty darn happy. Not me, and not because of Clint!! He's been sweet, loving, wonderful, and romantic and none of this is his fault!! It's all me. All my fault. I was just in turmoil over the whole thing. I didn't feel any happiness, only confusion, shame, and guilt. That tells me I made a very bad and wrong decision. And I knew I wouldn't ever find any peace in this situation, so...less than 12 hours later...I called him and broke up with him. Hung up the phone and cried.
I am beyond sorry. Words can't even describe. This is what I was afraid of. Afraid of being stupid and hurting him again. And I did. This is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever ever done. And my dear Clinton, bless his heart, has been more than understanding. Which makes me hate myself even more. He's been wanting this so badly and for so long, and I finally said yes, only to RIP it away from him. I never wanted to do this. I hate myself.
And for those of you considering leaving hateful comments to this post, you can shut up and forget it. I don't want to hear it. I already feel like crap. I care very deeply about Clint, and this is the last thing I ever wanted to do to him.
I'm so so so sorry.
I'm so screwed up inside.
So Clint and I have been getting pretty close. And as of last night, I officially broke my New Year's Resolution to be boyfriend-free this year. Honestly? We were acting like it, talking like it, etc. So I was like fine. No use in trying to say you're sticking to something when you're clearly not.
Normally when people first get a boyfriend, they're pretty darn happy. Not me, and not because of Clint!! He's been sweet, loving, wonderful, and romantic and none of this is his fault!! It's all me. All my fault. I was just in turmoil over the whole thing. I didn't feel any happiness, only confusion, shame, and guilt. That tells me I made a very bad and wrong decision. And I knew I wouldn't ever find any peace in this situation, so...less than 12 hours later...I called him and broke up with him. Hung up the phone and cried.
I am beyond sorry. Words can't even describe. This is what I was afraid of. Afraid of being stupid and hurting him again. And I did. This is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever ever done. And my dear Clinton, bless his heart, has been more than understanding. Which makes me hate myself even more. He's been wanting this so badly and for so long, and I finally said yes, only to RIP it away from him. I never wanted to do this. I hate myself.
And for those of you considering leaving hateful comments to this post, you can shut up and forget it. I don't want to hear it. I already feel like crap. I care very deeply about Clint, and this is the last thing I ever wanted to do to him.
I'm so so so sorry.
I'm so screwed up inside.