Day 5 With No Warm Water
The ex and I...well, what can I say? Recently, he has been relentlessly begging for another chance. Reading my blog...something that, though I wish it could anger me, doesn't. (And even though I blocked him from sending messages--even though I said I didn't want him to even acknowledge this blog--I have to admit it was charming.) He sent me emails damn near every day...saying how much he wanted me back. Even saying that I am his one, his only...his true love. Unannounced trips to my house. Text messaging my mother, because I changed my number. Messages that told her to tell me he loved me. I wished that all of this could anger me. I pretended to ignore his emails. (I would read them, but never respond.) I tried my hardest to fall out of love with him, in the three weeks that have passed. I claimed to myself that I hated him...never wanted to see him again. I tried to convince myself that I was better off without him.
Yet the truth of the matter is I have been miserable. A Facebook friend is currently planning a wedding. She is posting picture of her engagement ring, and talking about every little detail. She has every right to be happy. She has every right to be posting all of this good news on he page. But every time I saw one of these posts, it reminded me that I was alone. Then there were emails. The Knot, Weddingbee.com, and numerous other places...all sending me up-to-date information on how to plan the perfect wedding. When we were happy--when I was planning--I signed up to these websites. And, in the past three weeks, the constant emails have been a painful reminder of what I almost had.
"You should really consider giving him a chance, at the very least." My mother and I were sitting at the table. We had just finished having lunch. She admitted that they had had a conversation the day before. "He loves you. GENUINELY loves you! He says that you are the only person he wants." I thought about it, and realized that my feelings for him were still there. Buried, under all the rubble of the past three weeks. But there, nonetheless.
We hung out yesterday. And, it was amazing. I know there may be some of you shaking your head right now. Michael, don't do it, you may be saying. But, this is something I feel I have to do. I have to give this another chance. Love isn't perfect. People mess up. But the way that he has been CONSTANTLY trying to prove his love...that has to count for something.
We agreed to move slow. Things cannot be instantly right back where they were. The foundation of love has to be recreated. Once this is done, we can begin to build on the solid base that has formed.
I can say this. I am scared...I really don't want to be hurt again. But at the same time, I am so happy. Seeing him yesterday...looking at him, and knowing that we are trying to work it out...get "us" back. Well, it gives me a smile whenever I think about it.
***
Today was day five with no warm water, when it comes to bathing. And, just as with yesterday, it was another (dare I say) pleasant experience. It was the first day that I did not scream out as the water first made contact with me. The cold of it was extremely refreshing today. (Of course, it doesn't hurt matters that it was miserably hot at 9am, which is when my shower occurred.
In fact, I am going out tonight to hang out with my...hmm. What do I call him now. I don't want to give his name here. And, honestly, I am not entirely sure what the label for us would be. Today, I went out and got a snazzy new outfit to wear tonight...something that will make me feel attractive. He will be getting here in about two hours. And, as I have been running around in the monstrous Temecula heat, I am going to actually break down, and take shower number 2, in a few minutes.
I am not sure if it is because I have become used to it, but the whole cold water thing (at least for the last two days) really hasn't been all that big a deal. Truth be told, I kind of wish that it was a little more dramatic. It would give me something to write about.
Well, that's it for today. Time for me to go and do some schoolwork, then start getting ready for me...date. (Is that what tonight would be called?)
5 days without water.
16 more to go.
At this point, the whole cold shower thing is easy-peasy.
Yet the truth of the matter is I have been miserable. A Facebook friend is currently planning a wedding. She is posting picture of her engagement ring, and talking about every little detail. She has every right to be happy. She has every right to be posting all of this good news on he page. But every time I saw one of these posts, it reminded me that I was alone. Then there were emails. The Knot, Weddingbee.com, and numerous other places...all sending me up-to-date information on how to plan the perfect wedding. When we were happy--when I was planning--I signed up to these websites. And, in the past three weeks, the constant emails have been a painful reminder of what I almost had.
"You should really consider giving him a chance, at the very least." My mother and I were sitting at the table. We had just finished having lunch. She admitted that they had had a conversation the day before. "He loves you. GENUINELY loves you! He says that you are the only person he wants." I thought about it, and realized that my feelings for him were still there. Buried, under all the rubble of the past three weeks. But there, nonetheless.
We hung out yesterday. And, it was amazing. I know there may be some of you shaking your head right now. Michael, don't do it, you may be saying. But, this is something I feel I have to do. I have to give this another chance. Love isn't perfect. People mess up. But the way that he has been CONSTANTLY trying to prove his love...that has to count for something.
We agreed to move slow. Things cannot be instantly right back where they were. The foundation of love has to be recreated. Once this is done, we can begin to build on the solid base that has formed.
I can say this. I am scared...I really don't want to be hurt again. But at the same time, I am so happy. Seeing him yesterday...looking at him, and knowing that we are trying to work it out...get "us" back. Well, it gives me a smile whenever I think about it.
***
Today was day five with no warm water, when it comes to bathing. And, just as with yesterday, it was another (dare I say) pleasant experience. It was the first day that I did not scream out as the water first made contact with me. The cold of it was extremely refreshing today. (Of course, it doesn't hurt matters that it was miserably hot at 9am, which is when my shower occurred.
In fact, I am going out tonight to hang out with my...hmm. What do I call him now. I don't want to give his name here. And, honestly, I am not entirely sure what the label for us would be. Today, I went out and got a snazzy new outfit to wear tonight...something that will make me feel attractive. He will be getting here in about two hours. And, as I have been running around in the monstrous Temecula heat, I am going to actually break down, and take shower number 2, in a few minutes.
I am not sure if it is because I have become used to it, but the whole cold water thing (at least for the last two days) really hasn't been all that big a deal. Truth be told, I kind of wish that it was a little more dramatic. It would give me something to write about.
Well, that's it for today. Time for me to go and do some schoolwork, then start getting ready for me...date. (Is that what tonight would be called?)
5 days without water.
16 more to go.
At this point, the whole cold shower thing is easy-peasy.