IT'S HARUNA'S BIRTHDAY Y'ALL

[todaythesamesky]

(Okay, so I'm still in the midst of my unofficial semi-hiatus, but I had to come out of the woodwork for this, because IT IS HARUNA'S BIRTHDAY and that is all kinds of important.)

Thus, to celebrate, I announce

HARUNA'S BIRTHDAY SPECTACULAR FLASH ROUND ROBIN COMMENTFIC FEST

One day of Haruna-specific abandon! (YES I KNOW I STARTED AN HOUR LATE BUT

Comments

[todaythesamesky]

"God, Haruna," Akimaru was saying, in that tone of voice that meant he did not really approve, or if he did, he was pretending not to, just to be an asshole. (It was hard to tell. Akimaru was an asshole all the time.) "Is all this really necessary?"

"Obviously," Haruna said, and it was sad that after all this time Akimaru still needed things explained to him. "It is my birthday. Birthdays are important! Next you'll be telling me Valentine's Day doesn't need to be celebrated."

"I never said--" Akimaru stopped, which was probably for the best, since whatever idiot thing he was about to say was bound to be infuriating, and sighed a very put-upon sigh, which was infuriating all by itself. "Fine. Just- doesn't it ruin the surprise if you already know I'm going to pop out of the cake?"

[herongale]

Haruna shook his head sadly. "You're not doing this for the surprise. You're doing it for the spectacle. It was sad that he needed to point these sorts of things out.

"The spectacle of me looking absolutely and utterly ridiculous?"

It was shocking, that Akimaru had apparently caught on after all. He'd have to write this down in his online diary. "Yes."

Akimaru stared for a little while, that particular what-is-wrong-with-you stare Haruna had trained himself to ignore. He then went to go stare at the giant cake prop that Haruna had ordered up for Akimaru to jump out of. "Dressed like what?" He asked, finally.

[todaythesamesky]

"A present, obviously. Honestly, Akimaru, what is the matter with you?"

"A... present," Akimaru repeated, like it hadn't occured to him that dressing as a present was really the only appropriate option. "How, exactly, do I dress like a present?" He sounded tired, which was ridiculous, since it was such an awesome and fun idea.

"Ribbon," Haruna said, and it really was kind of a pity Haruna was throwing himself away by dating someone who needed things explained to him all the time. Then again, Haruna was brilliant, and moments like this allowed his brilliance to shine.

"Not--not just ribbon?" Akimaru's voice was all weak at the end of the question. It was almost cute, except for the fact that Akimaru was too much of an asshole to ever be truly cute.

[herongale]

"You can wear sparkles, too," Haruna said, feeling rather judicious and giving. "In fact, you have to wear sparkles."

Akimaru sort of curled up or crumbled in on himself or tossed himself into the depths of despair, or whatever it was he did when he just was refusing to understand what was totally obvious. "Sparkles," Akimaru echoed, his voice weirdly hollow instead of awed like it was supposed to be.

"Yeah, like, the kind of sparkles that hookers wear. You should be familiar with those." Actually, Haruna didn't like to think about how familiar Akimaru might actually be with those. "But do it tastefully, if that is in any way remotely possible for you."

"Sparkles," Akimaru said again, now sounding doleful. His cheeks were turning a brilliant red.

"Not like Lady Gaga."

"Sparkles."

Haruna sighed. This was going nowhere fast. Maybe he should generously dumb down his expectations. "Okay, maybe you can do only a little sparkles. Like, in your hair or something."

[todaythesamesky]

"You want me to wear tasteful hooker sparkles," Akimaru said, his voice a completely inappropriate monotone. "Tasteful hooker sparkles. In my hair."

It really was unreasonable, the despond Akimaru seemed to be sinking into. Didn't he love Haruna? Didn't he want to make Haruna happy? "You don't have to do it if you don't want to," Haruna said, because he wasn't some sort of costume rapist. "I just thought it would be fun."

At that Akimaru's eyes widened, and then narrowed, and then he sighed again, which meant he was giving in, just like Haruna had expected him to. "What color ribbon do you want me to wear?"

[herongale]

Haruna didn't need to think this over at all, since there was only one color ribbon that he ever saw on TV or in movies when this little awesome birthday trick was done.

"Red," Haruna thus appropriately said, carefully not adding a tell-tale 'duh' to indicate how much of a moron Akimaru could be (and always was). Red represented Valentine's Day and hearts and red roses and was therefore a symbol of undying love. Haruna knew these things intuitively and for a moment he thought of explaining these things further to Akimaru, but what would be the point?

Akimaru merely nodded, and then picked up his ruled notebook where he was keeping all the plans for Haruna's Awesome Birthday Sex Fest. "Okay, so we've discussed the cake. And the dinner. And the multiple desserts. And your present. Is there anything else you want to require?"

DEAR GOD THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER

[1010nabulation]

Was there anything else he required? Really, Akimaru should know better. Haruna was just getting started.

“After you pop out of the cake, you have to sing me Happy Birthday,” Haruna declared.

Akimaru paused in his note-taking and looked up, a wary look on his face. “Happy Birthday.”

Haruna nodded, really having trouble holding back that ‘duh’ now. “Yes, Happy Birthday; what else would you sing?” He gave in to his exasperation just a little and rolled his eyes at Akimaru.

“It’s a good choice, I just thought… it’s a really reasonable request.” The way he said reasonable made it sound like he was surprised, even pleasantly so. Akimaru cleared his throat and looked like he was maybe trying not to laugh. The corners of his mouth were twitching like he wanted to smile.

What the hell was so funny; every one of Haruna’s requests had been reasonable. He never made a single unreasonable request. For instance, he hadn’t asked Akimaru to hire Beyonce to sing at his party even though he really wanted to. It’d be unreasonable since this was

Re: DEAR GOD THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER

[todaythesamesky]

"A skirt." Akimaru sighed again, and really it was kind of insulting, the way he kept doing that. "Ribbons, tasteful hooker glitter, and a skirt. Anything else while I'm at it?"

Haruna felt he ought to be the one sighing, given that he had to deal with someone so thick-headed. "The skirt is just for singing Happy Birthday. You can take it off after."

"Take it off?" Akimaru asked, like Haruna had mispronounced or something, which obviously he hadn't. Sometimes Akimaru was so tiresome.

Re: DEAR GOD THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER

[herongale]

"Yes," Haruna said, going over to grab Akimaru by the hand and pull him over to the couch, sitting down and then tugging Akimaru down until he was comfortably settled into Haruna's lap. He should have done it like this from the beginning. "Then you are going to do a sexy yet tasteful dance for my enjoyment."

As anticipated, having Akimaru at his mercy put Akimaru into a far more agreeable state. "Uh..." Akimaru said, obviously distracted by Haruna's supreme sexiness, "...setting aside the tasteful for a second, I'm not sure what kind of sexy dances you think I'm capable of doing. Mostly I've only ever danced at clubs before..."

Haruna hardly wanted to be reminded of that! But Akimaru's body was pleasant and warm and so of course he started stroking up under his shirt, and kindly ignored the club commentary. "Simple as pie. Go take lessons or something."

Re: DEAR GOD THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER

[todaythesamesky]

"Um," Akimaru said, closing his eyes in response to Haruna's awesome caressing skills, "your party is tonight. How am I-- ah-- Haruna--"

It was so delightful, the way Haruna was now able to render Akimaru speechless with a bit of simple touching. Apparently Akimaru realized this, because he gave up on trying to talk and leaned down to press his lips to Haruna's instead.

Re: DEAR GOD THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER

[herongale]

Which was really nice-- normally Haruna would kiss back, taking advantage of all the boyfriend benefits which meant that Akimaru belonged to him, body and soul (and glasses)-- but today was his very important birthday and so he didn't want to get too sidetracked

[1010nabulation]

“You think I could?” Akimaru asked, starting to blush with a small smile on his freshly-kissed lips. It was not cute; nothing he did could be considered cute ever, especially with his hand still down Haruna’s pants. Sneaky perverts could not be cute.

“Yeah. I know you’re not used to being called competent, but you’re not totally incapable of getting things right once in a while.” Haruna smiled and pulled one of his hands out from Akimaru’s shirt to give his cheek a pat. Even he had to admit that in the ‘sexy’ department Akimaru wasn’t half bad, though he truly hated to think why that was. So there’d been some unexpected benefits, side effects really, to Akimaru’s former slutdom… it didn’t mean Haruna had to approve. “Make that once in a very long while.”

“So I still might need a lesson,” Akimaru said, turning his head to kiss Haruna’s palm, which was cheating. Especially when his tongue darted out and he licked one of Haruna’s fingers before drawing it into his mouth.

[herongale]

Sometimes, just sometimes, Haruna wished he was a soccer superstar on top of being a baseball superstar, because then he could pull a yellow card out of his pocket and wave it in Akimaru's stupid face. "Objection," Haruna murmured, aiming to sound pointed and accustatory but having it come out weirdly soft and gentle. "Unsportsman-like conduct."

... Which was the best he could do. Akimaru continued to suck gently on Haruna's finger, sexing it up in some weird Akimaru-esque fashion, and although it was stupid and Akimaru was stupid and his stupid face was stupid, and therefore Haruna should be laughing in Akimaru's face for pulling such an obvious distraction ploy, he found himself heating up instead. He wasn't blushing though. He didn't blush the way stupid Akimaru often did.

And he felt oddly constrained in some way, what with Akimaru stroking up and down the shaft of his dick, making him hard, making him squirm, all while Akimaru continued to make stupid love to his finger, and so Haruna bit his lip and then tried not to

[1010nabulation]

Oh so unfair. Haruna wasn’t sure exactly how he wanted to answer that-usually it’d be more fun to say no, but then stupid evil Akimaru would probably keep doing what he was doing, which-okay-felt really good, but the party hadn’t even started yet! He couldn’t have it ending before it even began. This was his Awesome Birthday Sex Fest, after all. He should be the one in control. There was only one thing for it.

“Yes!” Haruna gasped, which he wouldn’t have done if dumb Akimaru hadn’t sucked particularly hard on his finger while stroking his dick just so. “But you have to… you have to…”

Slowly, oh so slowly, Akimaru pulled away, Haruna’s finger leaving his mouth with a soft, wet noise. “Anything.”

[herongale]

"What?" It was super hard to remember what he'd been about to say while Akimaru continued to play with Haruna's dick and balls, especially since Akimaru was reaching around with his other hand and teasing his fingers under the waistband at the back of his pants, dipping down into the curve of his ass.

For some ungodly, unholy reason, Akimaru especially enjoyed toying around with him back there. Haruna felt himself rock forward to press against Akimaru's searching hand one way, and then back to press into his other searching hand the other way, and it felt so good that he did it again, rocking back and forth, that asshole Akimaru grinning like the total dick he was, forget the fact that Akimaru was sort of panting and gasping a little now too.

"No sex right now!" Haruna managed to blurt out, which was probably the gist of what he'd been intending to say. "Not. Yet!"

[1010nabulation]

Perfect example of ‘do as I say, not as I do’, as Haruna punctuated his last words with a bit more helpless thrusting.

Abruptly, Akimaru stopped moving, one hand wrapped motionless around Haruna’s hot cock and the other stilling just beneath his waistband at the very junction of his perfect ass. He would have been following directions, except he was not exactly motionless or still-the bastard was torturing Haruna. One finger was rubbing slow but undoubtedly deliberate circles on a very sensitive part of the underside of his dick. There were also feather-light fingertips brushing the swell of his ass sending thrills up his spine.

“I can’t give you an early present?” Akimaru’s voice was soft, breathy, hopeful--sweet, except that he was speaking with a serpent’s tongue! Tempting Haruna like that.