sideshow by the seashore
Several times in the last month-ish I've found myself sitting in front of the blank 'post an entry page.' I sometimes type a word or two before closing the browser and moving on to other ventures; only remembering to check livejournal several weeks later with the same results. It's nice living outside of my head and it was a mode of thinking I took for granted until today.
Kristen quit Bodega about a month ago so we could spend time together and get around to doing those things you only talk about. We made a blanket fort one night, it was awesome. She was supposed to leave for england three weeks ago for her orientation, but her visa and passport were tied up at the british consolate, so she got to stay for an extra week. I was cool with that, because it meant spending a bit more time with her, even if I did have to put off some school work. So we said goodbye and I treated myself to a show (deerhoof) which was interupted by her stranded call from the airport. I guess they cancel flights for sick attendants. So I come home, stay up late, and sleep through important classes. Next day was another sad goodbye. Several hours later . . . another phone call. Bad weather. More class put off. (I should mention that I was singing a different tune until today. Before, I simply felt awful for her. She missed her orientation, registration, and all those important things you should learn before living abroad for several years. It wasn't until today that I realized how much work I put off . . . I'm rambling and getting away from the point of all this).
Her third flight finally got her to England on Friday and I've been sitting around feeling sad ever since. Not the "oh my god my life sucks, everything always goes wrong" self-loathing depression business; but more like a "Shit. I'm totally in love with this girl. I feel less of myself without her. I don't know what to do with myself anymore." We've been apart before, but it's never been like this. There was always some shadowy drama that kept me wrapped up in negative energy and depression and worry that she was going to go find someone else . . . but those aren't worries anymore. It was easier with that rift between us, we're a part of eachother . . . ok. this is getting corny.
I signed on and started typing because now that I have all this empty room I'm trying to substitute it with something, which happens to be the internet, which was my playground for so many years of boredom and loneliness. That time is stretching into what would normally be reserved for studying and homeworking and I'm having a hard time getting from point A to point B because there's nobody watching my back. It's easier to lie over the phone about how much work I've done rather than have someone directly scold me because now there's no time to watch an episode of six feet under.
That being said, I want to prevent any further slippage into hours of sitting in front of a computer screen watching youtube videos, reading news articles, and doing absolutely nothing productive. I have a LOT of fucking work to do by 8pm tomorrow and I had better catch up with my schoolwork. I think I have an exam on the absorption of fats on wednesday. The mere fact that I don't know what I have a test on is a pretty bad sign. I did get a 99 on my first organic chemistry test . . . but that feels like an entirely different life now.
whatevs
Other things:
I'm trying to grow a beard. It isn't working very well. Most of it's red. It won't grow in some places. I'm seriously disappointed. I really want a full beard.
My mother adopted an orphaned tibetan refugee.
I'm tired-ish
Kristen quit Bodega about a month ago so we could spend time together and get around to doing those things you only talk about. We made a blanket fort one night, it was awesome. She was supposed to leave for england three weeks ago for her orientation, but her visa and passport were tied up at the british consolate, so she got to stay for an extra week. I was cool with that, because it meant spending a bit more time with her, even if I did have to put off some school work. So we said goodbye and I treated myself to a show (deerhoof) which was interupted by her stranded call from the airport. I guess they cancel flights for sick attendants. So I come home, stay up late, and sleep through important classes. Next day was another sad goodbye. Several hours later . . . another phone call. Bad weather. More class put off. (I should mention that I was singing a different tune until today. Before, I simply felt awful for her. She missed her orientation, registration, and all those important things you should learn before living abroad for several years. It wasn't until today that I realized how much work I put off . . . I'm rambling and getting away from the point of all this).
Her third flight finally got her to England on Friday and I've been sitting around feeling sad ever since. Not the "oh my god my life sucks, everything always goes wrong" self-loathing depression business; but more like a "Shit. I'm totally in love with this girl. I feel less of myself without her. I don't know what to do with myself anymore." We've been apart before, but it's never been like this. There was always some shadowy drama that kept me wrapped up in negative energy and depression and worry that she was going to go find someone else . . . but those aren't worries anymore. It was easier with that rift between us, we're a part of eachother . . . ok. this is getting corny.
I signed on and started typing because now that I have all this empty room I'm trying to substitute it with something, which happens to be the internet, which was my playground for so many years of boredom and loneliness. That time is stretching into what would normally be reserved for studying and homeworking and I'm having a hard time getting from point A to point B because there's nobody watching my back. It's easier to lie over the phone about how much work I've done rather than have someone directly scold me because now there's no time to watch an episode of six feet under.
That being said, I want to prevent any further slippage into hours of sitting in front of a computer screen watching youtube videos, reading news articles, and doing absolutely nothing productive. I have a LOT of fucking work to do by 8pm tomorrow and I had better catch up with my schoolwork. I think I have an exam on the absorption of fats on wednesday. The mere fact that I don't know what I have a test on is a pretty bad sign. I did get a 99 on my first organic chemistry test . . . but that feels like an entirely different life now.
whatevs
Other things:
I'm trying to grow a beard. It isn't working very well. Most of it's red. It won't grow in some places. I'm seriously disappointed. I really want a full beard.
My mother adopted an orphaned tibetan refugee.
I'm tired-ish