Used to, Plan to
I used to think I knew what love felt like. What it is. The butterflies in my stomach, and the sweaty palms, the way I would blush at every little sweet thing he would say. Someone could mention his name and I would smile. I've never done that with anyone before. I never experienced the soft caress of his hand or the sweet kisses, but I didn't need to. I thought that love was more than that, a deeper connection. Not having to be there physically, at least not at first. There was always that need for contact but then he would speak...That's one thing about a phone. It can make the person seem real, like they are right next to you. Sometimes, I miss it. Sometimes, I'm glad it's over. I never have to lay there and wonder if he's lied to me about other girls, and worry that he's with someone else. You know, come up with something that would explain his need for just an emotional and spiritual connection. He was sincere, but aren't they always? I want to blame my trust issues, my fear of opening up completely and giving myself to someone all on him. I can't. I was like that before hand. I was like that with him at first...He's the only person I've ever truly opened up to. If he were right in front of me? I probably wouldn't have. I really thought I was "in love" with him. Now that it's over and done with I realize I never was. I do love him, though just not the way he wanted me years ago. I trust him, he's always accepted me...even when I pushed him away and told him to bug off. He never left me alone, still hasn't. You see, he has this way of bringing up our connection. We can be anywhere and we can somehow feel when we need each other. Sure, sounds cliche but it's true...
I have a feeling I won't know everything about love. I don't think anybody really can know. For all we know it can be a figment of our imaginations. I guess that's why we write about it. Come up with stories and produce them into films, and sing songs about it. If love is real, then when I experience it for myself I think it would be because of the people I love now. Meaning, that you have to love to feel love. So, in theory, if I love everyone when I get to experience real love then it will be the most marvelous thing in this world.... I'm told that it happens unexpectedly. I was never one for surprises but I can't wait until that day. A life of loneliness isn't hard when you do things that you love and are with people that you love... but like would be so much better if that one person was there to share that love and to love in return.
There's a quote that comes to mind when I think of this...
"The greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." - Moulin Rouge
So love must exist. I refuse to think that we all live in false hope. It has to exist and I plan on finding it someday.
I have a feeling I won't know everything about love. I don't think anybody really can know. For all we know it can be a figment of our imaginations. I guess that's why we write about it. Come up with stories and produce them into films, and sing songs about it. If love is real, then when I experience it for myself I think it would be because of the people I love now. Meaning, that you have to love to feel love. So, in theory, if I love everyone when I get to experience real love then it will be the most marvelous thing in this world.... I'm told that it happens unexpectedly. I was never one for surprises but I can't wait until that day. A life of loneliness isn't hard when you do things that you love and are with people that you love... but like would be so much better if that one person was there to share that love and to love in return.
There's a quote that comes to mind when I think of this...
"The greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." - Moulin Rouge
So love must exist. I refuse to think that we all live in false hope. It has to exist and I plan on finding it someday.