A fine mixture of learning experiences
Trivial note: I prefer the word "mezcla" to "mixture" any day. I think that's my affinity to other languages at work, but I'm digressing before I ever get started.
So I was out of my mother's house for roughly 3 months. To say the least,it was probably the most liberating experience I could have, and the strings attached never held me back. Heck, the only thing really holding me back was me in the end. I sometimes came home from work and just slouched, doing nothing but playing games and checking stuff on-line. But to have that solitude and peace was enlightening. I had my "lemmie cook something" nights, my "let me jam to music at my own volume level" nights, and my "let me actually clean up around here" days. And at my own pace, things managed to get done. I learned how to take care of myself in case of injury or illness, as well as how well I provide for myself food-wise (and cleaning supply-wise as well..my income really hinders my urges to address these things promptly). But I realized by month #2 a few things about myself.
My sense of lonely is weird. I only had 4 people visit me, but it always felt good when they did. Otherwise, I was a hermit, honing my mind on games and other trivia that would bolster my outlook on life. The overlying sense of being alone started to gnaw at me, though. There were days I would just go out and do nothing, and any invitation was taken at the expense of much gas usage. I put my financial hold-ups aside and hung out with friends every chance I could. It was nice to see them often, but now that I'm back I have to enforce restraint to make up for lost funds and drive.
I noticed I can't motivate myself very well some days. Part of this stems from the lack of resources or aftermath of a dismal workday, but for the most part finding my means of pulling myself out the doldrums has been very difficult lately. Hopefully my current string of accomplishments, though small, will lead me to bigger better things.
I've also realized my internet was INFINITELY BETTER than this house's internet. This will be addressed Monday, when I drive up to a service center and swap out the modem. This seems small, but the amount of things reliant on wifi and internet in general in this house could use the boost, and it's part of my "get back into it" mindset for myself.
In the same token, I valued my alone time there. Now I'm a hermit to an extent, but I help a little more around the house. I don't help people who plan on being out of their right state of mind anymore, though. I find myself drawing more lines and speaking out. And with speaking out comes counter arguments. Before this used to lead me to think I was doing wrong, but I'm rebutting as frequently as everyone else. Needless to say, I'm finding the point of struggling if it gets your purpose across. And that was definitely learned while I was gone. I never had to argue with anyone in the apartment because no one was there, and I'm not being stubborn around here honestly. I keep to myself and help where I can.
All in all, I would say moving out was probably the most positive experience I've had in a while, even with its ups and downs. This journal should be a haven for my thoughts on deeper things, but I feel like this post here is just the start of many things, both personal and non-personal, fiction and real in the near future.
Also, need a new job soon. This Target life is wearing on all three elements of me (Mind, Body, Spirit).
So I was out of my mother's house for roughly 3 months. To say the least,it was probably the most liberating experience I could have, and the strings attached never held me back. Heck, the only thing really holding me back was me in the end. I sometimes came home from work and just slouched, doing nothing but playing games and checking stuff on-line. But to have that solitude and peace was enlightening. I had my "lemmie cook something" nights, my "let me jam to music at my own volume level" nights, and my "let me actually clean up around here" days. And at my own pace, things managed to get done. I learned how to take care of myself in case of injury or illness, as well as how well I provide for myself food-wise (and cleaning supply-wise as well..my income really hinders my urges to address these things promptly). But I realized by month #2 a few things about myself.
My sense of lonely is weird. I only had 4 people visit me, but it always felt good when they did. Otherwise, I was a hermit, honing my mind on games and other trivia that would bolster my outlook on life. The overlying sense of being alone started to gnaw at me, though. There were days I would just go out and do nothing, and any invitation was taken at the expense of much gas usage. I put my financial hold-ups aside and hung out with friends every chance I could. It was nice to see them often, but now that I'm back I have to enforce restraint to make up for lost funds and drive.
I noticed I can't motivate myself very well some days. Part of this stems from the lack of resources or aftermath of a dismal workday, but for the most part finding my means of pulling myself out the doldrums has been very difficult lately. Hopefully my current string of accomplishments, though small, will lead me to bigger better things.
I've also realized my internet was INFINITELY BETTER than this house's internet. This will be addressed Monday, when I drive up to a service center and swap out the modem. This seems small, but the amount of things reliant on wifi and internet in general in this house could use the boost, and it's part of my "get back into it" mindset for myself.
In the same token, I valued my alone time there. Now I'm a hermit to an extent, but I help a little more around the house. I don't help people who plan on being out of their right state of mind anymore, though. I find myself drawing more lines and speaking out. And with speaking out comes counter arguments. Before this used to lead me to think I was doing wrong, but I'm rebutting as frequently as everyone else. Needless to say, I'm finding the point of struggling if it gets your purpose across. And that was definitely learned while I was gone. I never had to argue with anyone in the apartment because no one was there, and I'm not being stubborn around here honestly. I keep to myself and help where I can.
All in all, I would say moving out was probably the most positive experience I've had in a while, even with its ups and downs. This journal should be a haven for my thoughts on deeper things, but I feel like this post here is just the start of many things, both personal and non-personal, fiction and real in the near future.
Also, need a new job soon. This Target life is wearing on all three elements of me (Mind, Body, Spirit).