Thanksgiving 2016
Oh my God this is so hard. I can't believe how empty I feel how cold. I don't know how I'm going to even deal with Christmas.
Mom would have been 78 on the 19th.
No turkey this year, I am going for our default holiday meal- some Honeybaked (tm) ham, I'll use instant mashed potatoes because I don't want to deal with learning potato peeling right now, and some nice fresh baked crescent rolls. But I'm not hungry.
F**K I don't even want to move.
ETA: I don't mean to be a downer. I'm using this as some crude kind of therapy as well as communication. If nothing else this will live on if I were to suddenly die.
GEEZE I am become f*king Debby Downer. :/
Look,OK, learn from me. Take those close to you, family, friends, even pets and just love the fs'king hell out of them. Some of my last memories of my mom are the arguments we had, the things I had to deny her because of the money situation. Cigarettes, lottery scratchoffs, all the little things in my foolish attempt to get a handle on the money income/outflow situation... She said she understood but there was some heat, some resentment because our family, we are a stubborn people. I tried to do everything I could and it wasn't enough. I dropped the ball. I must have. I didn't do enough or I didn't do it right. Obviously my mind swirls with "what-if". Mind, from the sound of things... never mind. there I go again.
Love them. Love your parents, your spouses, your loved ones. Love them like they would be gone tomorrow. Even if you have problems, conflicts, disagreements. Even if they won't love you, you love them. Because when they're gone you will FOREVER cry over the things not said.
I'm making this one public.
Mom would have been 78 on the 19th.
No turkey this year, I am going for our default holiday meal- some Honeybaked (tm) ham, I'll use instant mashed potatoes because I don't want to deal with learning potato peeling right now, and some nice fresh baked crescent rolls. But I'm not hungry.
F**K I don't even want to move.
ETA: I don't mean to be a downer. I'm using this as some crude kind of therapy as well as communication. If nothing else this will live on if I were to suddenly die.
GEEZE I am become f*king Debby Downer. :/
Look,OK, learn from me. Take those close to you, family, friends, even pets and just love the fs'king hell out of them. Some of my last memories of my mom are the arguments we had, the things I had to deny her because of the money situation. Cigarettes, lottery scratchoffs, all the little things in my foolish attempt to get a handle on the money income/outflow situation... She said she understood but there was some heat, some resentment because our family, we are a stubborn people. I tried to do everything I could and it wasn't enough. I dropped the ball. I must have. I didn't do enough or I didn't do it right. Obviously my mind swirls with "what-if". Mind, from the sound of things... never mind. there I go again.
Love them. Love your parents, your spouses, your loved ones. Love them like they would be gone tomorrow. Even if you have problems, conflicts, disagreements. Even if they won't love you, you love them. Because when they're gone you will FOREVER cry over the things not said.
I'm making this one public.