It's been a while.
Dear Journal,
I have really been wanting to write. I just had too much to say. lol. Then I wasn't feeling well (I'm still not, but my doctor is pretty much convinced it's just anxiety. And yet, I worry...). Anyway, I was basically forced to spearhead this project at work that I merely asked a question about. Then suddenly the whole thing's in my lap. That gave me major anxiety and I was feeling like I couldn't handle it, like I wasn't good enough for it, like I didn't have the energy to give it my all, etc. I've been dealing with it though and I think it's been good for me. I did assign a few things to other people just so I don't have to do them. But ultimately I'm responsible, so it's my job to look over everything they do. Christ. It's a lot of work.
The other major stress in my life right now is Arthur and I need to find a new place to live. Our lease here is up in June and we can't stay. Rent is over 5k a month and we just can't pull it off anymore. We also decided we don't really need 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. So, downsizing is the way to go! At first I was looking at rentals, but he has convinced me that it's a good time to buy something. The problem with that is it's so damn hard to buy in Manhattan. You can get something decent for a million. We put an offer down on a place that was 935 but the seller's rejected it and wouldn't negotiate. Our problem is we pick the good neighborhoods. lol. We looked at another place today and it was pricey as well but had amazing views, a beautiful gym, gorgeous lobby, new kitchen and bathroom. It was nice but it was SMALL and it was also 900-something. In NYC, you pay for "air space" instead of land like when you own a house. You also pay for the location more than anything else. Just two blocks out of this prime zone, and the prices drop by a lot. it's ridiculous. This condo is also on the East side which would be a big change for us. We've been living on the West side for 7 years. There's an unspoken divide between East and West siders in the city. I can't explain it. You're either one or the other and it's like a big deal when you switch sides. It's weird. Kind of like the North and South sides of Chicago. But if you're not from chicago, you wouldn't get that either. lol.
I started working again out for the first time in forever because I thought it would help my general physical feel, which has not been good. It helps a little but not much. I've been trying to drink more water too. I don't know what my deal is. Maybe it IS all just in my head? I feel short of breath and dizzy constantly, except for when I'm sleeping. I've had all sorts of brain scans and heart tests and everything comes back normal. I even had my doctor check for a pulmonary embolism. I think that's when he decided I was insane. :( i seriously think I just need to relax, but I can't seem to. I'm going to take a bath tonight. See if that helps.
Later journal, my dinner awaits!
I have really been wanting to write. I just had too much to say. lol. Then I wasn't feeling well (I'm still not, but my doctor is pretty much convinced it's just anxiety. And yet, I worry...). Anyway, I was basically forced to spearhead this project at work that I merely asked a question about. Then suddenly the whole thing's in my lap. That gave me major anxiety and I was feeling like I couldn't handle it, like I wasn't good enough for it, like I didn't have the energy to give it my all, etc. I've been dealing with it though and I think it's been good for me. I did assign a few things to other people just so I don't have to do them. But ultimately I'm responsible, so it's my job to look over everything they do. Christ. It's a lot of work.
The other major stress in my life right now is Arthur and I need to find a new place to live. Our lease here is up in June and we can't stay. Rent is over 5k a month and we just can't pull it off anymore. We also decided we don't really need 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. So, downsizing is the way to go! At first I was looking at rentals, but he has convinced me that it's a good time to buy something. The problem with that is it's so damn hard to buy in Manhattan. You can get something decent for a million. We put an offer down on a place that was 935 but the seller's rejected it and wouldn't negotiate. Our problem is we pick the good neighborhoods. lol. We looked at another place today and it was pricey as well but had amazing views, a beautiful gym, gorgeous lobby, new kitchen and bathroom. It was nice but it was SMALL and it was also 900-something. In NYC, you pay for "air space" instead of land like when you own a house. You also pay for the location more than anything else. Just two blocks out of this prime zone, and the prices drop by a lot. it's ridiculous. This condo is also on the East side which would be a big change for us. We've been living on the West side for 7 years. There's an unspoken divide between East and West siders in the city. I can't explain it. You're either one or the other and it's like a big deal when you switch sides. It's weird. Kind of like the North and South sides of Chicago. But if you're not from chicago, you wouldn't get that either. lol.
I started working again out for the first time in forever because I thought it would help my general physical feel, which has not been good. It helps a little but not much. I've been trying to drink more water too. I don't know what my deal is. Maybe it IS all just in my head? I feel short of breath and dizzy constantly, except for when I'm sleeping. I've had all sorts of brain scans and heart tests and everything comes back normal. I even had my doctor check for a pulmonary embolism. I think that's when he decided I was insane. :( i seriously think I just need to relax, but I can't seem to. I'm going to take a bath tonight. See if that helps.
Later journal, my dinner awaits!