In Which Toboe Still Has Difficulties Cooking Pasta
Guess what guys? It's time for another random Toboe's Adventures In Cooking! In which I attempt to follow a receipe and obtain similiar results, hopefully still edible.
This weekend, on a challenge advice from a friend, I struck out to make Martha Stewart's One-Pan Pasta. Now, that doesn't sound too hard, right? It's pasta, I can't possibly mess anything up or misinterpret anything, right?
Wrong.
On a tip from aforementioned friend, I replaced the cherry tomatos with canned diced tomatos, and to add in some sausage for some meat. I actually had a stick of leftover polish kielbasa, so that was close enough. I didn't want to pay for a whole sprig of basil leaves either, but I did have dried basil, so I made do with that instead.
However, I did not have any olive oil. (I've been getting away with just canola oil until now). Now, searching for olive oil at a grocery store should not be too hard, right?
Wrong.
I swear, I walked up and down aisles for at least five minutes trying to find where the blasted olive oil was. I KNEW IT EXISTED WHERE WERE THE DARNED THINGS. I went through the salad dressing aisle three times and considered whether I should get by using an olive oil vingerette, that's how lost I was. It was reminiscent of my quest to find a spatula. Eventually I found where Jewel Osco was stashing the olive oil (next to baking, wth?) and I finally could assemble all of my ingredients. CHEFS ASSEMBLE!
Behold, my index card of the recipe instructions with my terrible handwriting
Now, to put things into perspective, the above shows exactly all of the counter-space I have to work with in my tiny apartment. It is only 1.5ft x 2ft (I know this because I just measured it with measuring tape, because I am a nerd), but I lose about 6" due to my rice cooker and stack of plates in the back, so I really only have 1.5ft x 1.5ft, or 2.25ft2 (0.21m2). I have to be creative in stacking and storing my prepped ingredients, or else I'll just run out of room to place things.
Stove space isn't too much better. The backburners are covered by a pan that I use as a dish drying rack. I get by using only the front burners. This make things fun when I need to have 3 pots but only 2 burners. Luckily, this recipe only calls for one pot, and I can use the other burner to stash/cook the sausage.
Prepping the onion and sausage
Cook that lovely tasty meat
At this point, I was nearly ready to go, except for one thing I forgot - the garlic! However, because of the aforementioned tiny counter space, I didn't want to break out a whole new bowl just for a few pieces of garlic.
The solution?
Make the tower of onion with a garlic top and dump the rest in the canned tomatoes.
Eh, it'll all get mixed together, right?
Next, the recipe says to mix everything together. It also states that the pasta should lay flat.
This is not flat. This doesn't even fit. Dammit.
Well, nothing to it but to break the linguine in half. Sorry Mom, I will not have long noodles tonight. My life is cut short.
There, now you fit!
Okay, dump everything in the pot!
I then realize one problem: the recipe calls for 1/4 teaspoon of freshly ground pepper. Now, I have a pepper grinder and a 1/4 teaspoon, so everything should have been fine, right?
Well, how do you grind pepper into a 1/4 teaspoon? Sure, I can grind a crapton into a bowl and then scoop it out, but that's just tiring. And wasteful. I stood in front of the pot with a pepper grinder in one hand and a teaspoon in the other, trying to figure this out with my Engineer-Trained brain. My conclusion? "Screw It," and converted "1/4 teaspoon" into "a pinch or whatever" and ground the pepper directly into the pot. Measuring accuracy? What's that?
I then had everything in a pot and ready to boil! The recipe states, and I quote,
Bring to a boil over high heat. Boil mixture, stirring and turning pasta frequently with tongs or a fork, until pasta is al dente and water has nearly evaporated, about 9 minutes.
Okay! 9 minutes at high, stirring constantly! That sounds funny, since I think it takes longer to boil than 9 minutes, but that's what the recipe and the author says. Maybe it boils faster when there's a lot of stuff and only 4.5 cups of water? idk, let's just follow the receipe and see what happens by 9min.
9min later: LIES THIS IS NOT COOKED PASTA
DAMMIT RECIPES WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO VAGUE IT SAYS RIGHT THERE TAKES 9 MIN YOU LIAR
Okay, well let's just see if the recipe forgot to account for the time it takes to boil (silly recipe, forgetting total time). At 11min, it boils. Tack on another 9min, and behold!
Something that looks like cooked pasta!
So really it takes 20min. I am labeling this recipe with "false advertising." However, is it still tasty?
Mmmm yes it was.
This weekend, on a challenge advice from a friend, I struck out to make Martha Stewart's One-Pan Pasta. Now, that doesn't sound too hard, right? It's pasta, I can't possibly mess anything up or misinterpret anything, right?
Wrong.
On a tip from aforementioned friend, I replaced the cherry tomatos with canned diced tomatos, and to add in some sausage for some meat. I actually had a stick of leftover polish kielbasa, so that was close enough. I didn't want to pay for a whole sprig of basil leaves either, but I did have dried basil, so I made do with that instead.
However, I did not have any olive oil. (I've been getting away with just canola oil until now). Now, searching for olive oil at a grocery store should not be too hard, right?
Wrong.
I swear, I walked up and down aisles for at least five minutes trying to find where the blasted olive oil was. I KNEW IT EXISTED WHERE WERE THE DARNED THINGS. I went through the salad dressing aisle three times and considered whether I should get by using an olive oil vingerette, that's how lost I was. It was reminiscent of my quest to find a spatula. Eventually I found where Jewel Osco was stashing the olive oil (next to baking, wth?) and I finally could assemble all of my ingredients. CHEFS ASSEMBLE!
Behold, my index card of the recipe instructions with my terrible handwriting
Now, to put things into perspective, the above shows exactly all of the counter-space I have to work with in my tiny apartment. It is only 1.5ft x 2ft (I know this because I just measured it with measuring tape, because I am a nerd), but I lose about 6" due to my rice cooker and stack of plates in the back, so I really only have 1.5ft x 1.5ft, or 2.25ft2 (0.21m2). I have to be creative in stacking and storing my prepped ingredients, or else I'll just run out of room to place things.
Stove space isn't too much better. The backburners are covered by a pan that I use as a dish drying rack. I get by using only the front burners. This make things fun when I need to have 3 pots but only 2 burners. Luckily, this recipe only calls for one pot, and I can use the other burner to stash/cook the sausage.
Prepping the onion and sausage
Cook that lovely tasty meat
At this point, I was nearly ready to go, except for one thing I forgot - the garlic! However, because of the aforementioned tiny counter space, I didn't want to break out a whole new bowl just for a few pieces of garlic.
The solution?
Make the tower of onion with a garlic top and dump the rest in the canned tomatoes.
Eh, it'll all get mixed together, right?
Next, the recipe says to mix everything together. It also states that the pasta should lay flat.
This is not flat. This doesn't even fit. Dammit.
Well, nothing to it but to break the linguine in half. Sorry Mom, I will not have long noodles tonight. My life is cut short.
There, now you fit!
Okay, dump everything in the pot!
I then realize one problem: the recipe calls for 1/4 teaspoon of freshly ground pepper. Now, I have a pepper grinder and a 1/4 teaspoon, so everything should have been fine, right?
Well, how do you grind pepper into a 1/4 teaspoon? Sure, I can grind a crapton into a bowl and then scoop it out, but that's just tiring. And wasteful. I stood in front of the pot with a pepper grinder in one hand and a teaspoon in the other, trying to figure this out with my Engineer-Trained brain. My conclusion? "Screw It," and converted "1/4 teaspoon" into "a pinch or whatever" and ground the pepper directly into the pot. Measuring accuracy? What's that?
I then had everything in a pot and ready to boil! The recipe states, and I quote,
Bring to a boil over high heat. Boil mixture, stirring and turning pasta frequently with tongs or a fork, until pasta is al dente and water has nearly evaporated, about 9 minutes.
Okay! 9 minutes at high, stirring constantly! That sounds funny, since I think it takes longer to boil than 9 minutes, but that's what the recipe and the author says. Maybe it boils faster when there's a lot of stuff and only 4.5 cups of water? idk, let's just follow the receipe and see what happens by 9min.
9min later: LIES THIS IS NOT COOKED PASTA
DAMMIT RECIPES WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO VAGUE IT SAYS RIGHT THERE TAKES 9 MIN YOU LIAR
Okay, well let's just see if the recipe forgot to account for the time it takes to boil (silly recipe, forgetting total time). At 11min, it boils. Tack on another 9min, and behold!
Something that looks like cooked pasta!
So really it takes 20min. I am labeling this recipe with "false advertising." However, is it still tasty?
Mmmm yes it was.