~009~
What a week. I think those three words sum everything up in a succinct manner, but hopefully things will calm down soon...
I'm thankful that that horrible rumor was quelled (Thank you, Ukitake-taichou for that) but I'm still finding copies of that letter everywhere and hearing whispers among everyone. So in case you hear any rumors regarding Kira-kun and I, they are indeed false. If you need to speak to me about it, feel free to do so and I will set everything straight for you.
In the meantime, I will most likely be in my office, per usual.
I wish Seireitei believed in 'weekends,' but I am so far behind on everything I'm afraid I'll never be able to catch up.
Countdown: 8 Days!
[Private in personal diary]
Nanao-san and I had a lovely trip to the library last week and I borrowed some kidou books that I have not touched in a long time. I wanted to make sure that I was prepared for training Kurosaki-san, knowing that I haven't trained anyone from scratch before. I believe Lesson One went very well, hopefully he'll keep up with his homework, but I don't doubt that he will. He seems to be a very dedicated young boy... with a lot of talent. He is so talented for a human, it's amazing.
The Captain and Acting-Captain meeting was last weekend and it was extremely... enlightening. I never really knew anything about the Vaizard before that day, and I must admit that they were frightening once they revealed their Hollow side. They were Shinigami... yet... Hollow. Even when they spoke with those masks on, they were complete hollow. Their voice, their reiatsu... I didn't feel back to normal until they removed their masks.
Both of them were former members of the Gotei 13 and it seems as though Muguruma-san (I hope that is the correct kanji for his name) is going to go for the captain trials that will be soon. There was a lively debate about that one, that's for sure. I didn't want to say much, I'm not a captain nor do I want to be one, and I shamed myself when I spoke out of turn. 六 謀 Muguruma-san (That just does not look correct to me, but oh well) said some things about Aizen-taichou that I did not approve of, but I spoke to Ichimaru-taichou afterward about it all. Thankfully, he clarified everything for me... just as he has been doing.
Speaking of Ichimaru-taichou, he sent me some beautiful pictures of the King's Realm, and they are simply breathtaking. The palace is stunning... even more beautiful with the snow that is up there this time of year. I hear that Aizen-taichou has been constantly busy with everything that he is doing... I do hope that he is able to relax and have a nice cup of tea sometime. I wonder if there are onsen in the King's Realm. The pictures are in my vanity drawer under a few things so they can't be found... they would just be more evidence of my collaboration with Ichimaru-taichou...
On that same note... I think some of my friends are realizing what is going on... Hitsugaya-kun definitely and even Kira-kun mentioned some things about it on Monday night (I crashed his date with Norima-san... but that's another topic entirely). I don't know. I'm trying to convince myself that Ichimaru-taichou is still pulling the strings to Aizen-taichou, but everything he is saying to me is so convincing and with everything that people say about what happened two years ago... Everything seems to fall into place perfectly. Therefore, for some odd reason, Ichimaru-taichou has my complete trust.
That's something I thought I would never say, but there. I said it.
Inoue-san and I had a conversation via kounisshimou today and she told me that she would keep me posted on the status of Aizen-taichou. I'm just curious to make sure that he's doing all right and taking care of everything. He said that we could have a cup of tea some time, but I wonder when he will be able to take time out to do that. I hope it's soon... I do wish to see him again...
Hitsugaya-kun's birthday is coming up... I hope he doesn't mind that I will be at his party. Kira-kun is going to help me bake a cake (because I don't want to burn down the entire 5th Division)... but Hitsugaya-kun knows I'm hiding something. I should've made sure that those messages between Ichimaru-taichou and I were private, but I was foolish. I'm scared to hide things from him... our grandma would be so disappointed in me.
...I'm disappointed in myself.
I'm disappointed and I'm really scared. The lies are coming out easier with less resistance each time. I'm starting to dig myself a hole and I'm not even thinking about the consequences. What happens if this doesn't work out the way I want it to? I would lose everything if everyone around me found out what I have been doing...
I'm just too scared to give up on Aizen-taichou. I can't yet. I want to... but I can't...
[/entry]
I'm thankful that that horrible rumor was quelled (Thank you, Ukitake-taichou for that) but I'm still finding copies of that letter everywhere and hearing whispers among everyone. So in case you hear any rumors regarding Kira-kun and I, they are indeed false. If you need to speak to me about it, feel free to do so and I will set everything straight for you.
In the meantime, I will most likely be in my office, per usual.
I wish Seireitei believed in 'weekends,' but I am so far behind on everything I'm afraid I'll never be able to catch up.
Countdown: 8 Days!
[Private in personal diary]
Nanao-san and I had a lovely trip to the library last week and I borrowed some kidou books that I have not touched in a long time. I wanted to make sure that I was prepared for training Kurosaki-san, knowing that I haven't trained anyone from scratch before. I believe Lesson One went very well, hopefully he'll keep up with his homework, but I don't doubt that he will. He seems to be a very dedicated young boy... with a lot of talent. He is so talented for a human, it's amazing.
The Captain and Acting-Captain meeting was last weekend and it was extremely... enlightening. I never really knew anything about the Vaizard before that day, and I must admit that they were frightening once they revealed their Hollow side. They were Shinigami... yet... Hollow. Even when they spoke with those masks on, they were complete hollow. Their voice, their reiatsu... I didn't feel back to normal until they removed their masks.
Both of them were former members of the Gotei 13 and it seems as though Muguruma-san (I hope that is the correct kanji for his name) is going to go for the captain trials that will be soon. There was a lively debate about that one, that's for sure. I didn't want to say much, I'm not a captain nor do I want to be one, and I shamed myself when I spoke out of turn. 六 謀 Muguruma-san (That just does not look correct to me, but oh well) said some things about Aizen-taichou that I did not approve of, but I spoke to Ichimaru-taichou afterward about it all. Thankfully, he clarified everything for me... just as he has been doing.
Speaking of Ichimaru-taichou, he sent me some beautiful pictures of the King's Realm, and they are simply breathtaking. The palace is stunning... even more beautiful with the snow that is up there this time of year. I hear that Aizen-taichou has been constantly busy with everything that he is doing... I do hope that he is able to relax and have a nice cup of tea sometime. I wonder if there are onsen in the King's Realm. The pictures are in my vanity drawer under a few things so they can't be found... they would just be more evidence of my collaboration with Ichimaru-taichou...
On that same note... I think some of my friends are realizing what is going on... Hitsugaya-kun definitely and even Kira-kun mentioned some things about it on Monday night (I crashed his date with Norima-san... but that's another topic entirely). I don't know. I'm trying to convince myself that Ichimaru-taichou is still pulling the strings to Aizen-taichou, but everything he is saying to me is so convincing and with everything that people say about what happened two years ago... Everything seems to fall into place perfectly. Therefore, for some odd reason, Ichimaru-taichou has my complete trust.
That's something I thought I would never say, but there. I said it.
Inoue-san and I had a conversation via kounisshimou today and she told me that she would keep me posted on the status of Aizen-taichou. I'm just curious to make sure that he's doing all right and taking care of everything. He said that we could have a cup of tea some time, but I wonder when he will be able to take time out to do that. I hope it's soon... I do wish to see him again...
Hitsugaya-kun's birthday is coming up... I hope he doesn't mind that I will be at his party. Kira-kun is going to help me bake a cake (because I don't want to burn down the entire 5th Division)... but Hitsugaya-kun knows I'm hiding something. I should've made sure that those messages between Ichimaru-taichou and I were private, but I was foolish. I'm scared to hide things from him... our grandma would be so disappointed in me.
...I'm disappointed in myself.
I'm disappointed and I'm really scared. The lies are coming out easier with less resistance each time. I'm starting to dig myself a hole and I'm not even thinking about the consequences. What happens if this doesn't work out the way I want it to? I would lose everything if everyone around me found out what I have been doing...
I'm just too scared to give up on Aizen-taichou. I can't yet. I want to... but I can't...
[/entry]